Author Topic: Coffee Morning  (Read 19378 times)

Offline 2par

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Re: Coffee Morning
« Reply #15 on: March 31, 2014, 05:04:55 PM »
Oh the heck with that all. I put on an oversize T-shirt and comb my hair.

Offline Mrs N

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Re: Coffee Morning
« Reply #16 on: March 31, 2014, 05:05:33 PM »
Hi, enjoyed the second half more than the first. Your writing came alive with the entrance of Valerie. You did a good portrayal of someone with OCD!! Poor Valerie.

First line confused me. I thought you were writing in first person, didn't realise they were May's thoughts. Then had to sort out who was who, which had me re-reading. Just so you know.

Who wants to get old?? Some mornings I feel like May. :(  

Offline 510bhan

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Re: Coffee Morning
« Reply #17 on: March 31, 2014, 05:06:33 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

I doubt you're old enough to belong to a generation who stressed about twinsets and matching shoes. ;D

Offline 510bhan

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Re: Coffee Morning
« Reply #18 on: March 31, 2014, 05:07:58 PM »
Thanks Mrs N. ;D

Goes to show how dialogue can inject that extra power, doesn't it? ;)

Offline Mrs N

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Re: Coffee Morning
« Reply #19 on: March 31, 2014, 05:12:55 PM »
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

I doubt you're old enough to belong to a generation who stressed about twinsets and matching shoes. ;D


I like my shoes to match!! :D :D :D

Offline 510bhan

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Re: Coffee Morning
« Reply #20 on: March 31, 2014, 05:14:54 PM »
Right and left -- obviously! ::)

 :D :D :D

Offline 2par

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Re: Coffee Morning
« Reply #21 on: March 31, 2014, 05:19:26 PM »
I'm so torn about this. I keep avoiding it and yet can't keep from returning. I guess I remember my mother's efforts too well, and now watch my husband's.

Offline 510bhan

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Re: Coffee Morning
« Reply #22 on: March 31, 2014, 05:25:59 PM »
It is hard to find things which make life easy but don't look like 'aids for the elderly'. Godammit no matter what age we are we are still people with thoughts, opinions, feelings, preferences and we shouldn't have to just put up with stuff because we don't want to be a bother or any trouble. It really, really narks me how older folk are patronised or ignored just because they're no longer conventionally beautiful, take time to get things done and complain when things hurt. Nobody gives younger folk a hard time if they suffer a frozen shoulder/golfer's elbow or  migraine or IBS. It's perfectly acceptable and they even get sympathy. An older person complains and they're labelled a crabbity old git. >:(

Offline protekme

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Re: Coffee Morning
« Reply #23 on: March 31, 2014, 08:23:03 PM »
I didn't know whether I should be laughing or crying. A bit of both, I guess. Good job, 510.
 
-- People are usually more convinced by reasons they discovered themselves than by those found by others 
-- I have made this letter longer than usual only because I had no time to make it shorter
              Blaise Pascal

Offline 510bhan

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Re: Coffee Morning
« Reply #24 on: March 31, 2014, 08:23:43 PM »
Thank you. ;D ;D ;D ;D

Offline Neghe

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Re: Coffee Morning
« Reply #25 on: March 31, 2014, 09:16:57 PM »
Just slip artfully into present tense during action scenes and leave it at that.
“Poetry is what happens when nothing else can.”― Charles Bukowski

Offline 510bhan

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Re: Coffee Morning
« Reply #26 on: March 31, 2014, 09:18:55 PM »
Oh, I know . . . just needed to make a conscious effort over something outside my WIPs.  ;) It's a love/hate relationship. Trying to make sure I can be comfortable with it and not get my knickers in a knot. ;D

Offline Neghe

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Re: Coffee Morning
« Reply #27 on: March 31, 2014, 09:51:48 PM »

Yeah, you do need to get use to it: it's like 2nd person however, it drives many people crazy if it goes on too long.
“Poetry is what happens when nothing else can.”― Charles Bukowski

Offline 510bhan

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Re: Coffee Morning
« Reply #28 on: March 31, 2014, 09:53:06 PM »
Cheers, Neghe. ;)

hillwalker3000

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Re: Coffee Morning
« Reply #29 on: April 01, 2014, 10:24:31 AM »
As an exercise, good job. But you painted the two characters black or white - no subtle shading whatsoever. So I couldn't really take to either.

H3K