Author Topic: Inside the Turbulent Mind of a High School Junior  (Read 5085 times)

Offline bri h

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Re: Inside the Turbulent Mind of a High School Junior
« Reply #15 on: March 15, 2014, 04:02:56 PM »
The whole thing is there for you to try. We can't advise in this. YOU have to do whatever you feel like doing. But remember, when you do post what you've sweated over, we'll be waiting. ha ha. I know that looks menacing, and it was. I was just messing with you. You have a great attitude towards writing, and receiving critiques. I applaud you. And I look forward to your next 'work.' Bri.
Fare thee well Skip. We're all 'Keening' now. xbx

hillwalker3000

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Re: Inside the Turbulent Mind of a High School Junior
« Reply #16 on: March 15, 2014, 06:16:41 PM »
It's entirely up to you where you go from here. The fact that you enjoy writing poetry has nothing to do with being able to write a decent story or not. The two are mutually exclusive - like riding a bike and swimming. The only proviso is that both demand a totally different approach.

Why did you choose to write for a YA audience? Is it because you enjoy(ed) reading it? You realise there's a bigger audience and want to make your fortune? You have something you feel might appeal to a younger audience?
Only you can answer that.

But you're not going to get very far unless you immerse yourself in the genre. And I'd hesitate to use Harry Potter as a template. That's written primarily for children (although the appeal is wider). Writing for a YA audience requires you to deal with more adult issues such as teenage pregnancy,substance abuse or on-line bullying (for example) rather than just fantasy or vampire romance.

Where should introspection come into play? Maybe a better question might be 'Why should introspection come into play?' By all means show your MC's internalised thoughts if and when relevant. But story comes first. Let your characters tell their story.

H3K

Offline junel

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Re: Inside the Turbulent Mind of a High School Junior
« Reply #17 on: March 15, 2014, 08:37:29 PM »
junel, I see your point. Is there a sentence that typifies the "moaning and whining" better than others? Scanning over what I've written, is there any sentence that might have intrigued you had you read on? I'd be curious to see what the most "active" or engaging thing I've written is.

Hey Greg,

I suppose these two sentences would typify the moaning and whining most:

"When life did not feel like a completely real tragedy . . ."

". . . having his sense of self shredded to bits by some unseen vortex of misery."

The above two are a little melodramatic, or what we may call here, purple prose.

Look, I want you to imagine sitting with a moaner and whiner in a coffee shop and listening to them go on and on. In all likely hood, you'll be wishing for them to stop, wanting to tell them to shut up, do something about their woes, or want to get up and leave. So why would someone want to hear moaning and whining in a book they've paid for? People buy books for a story that will entertain them. And in your work, there seems to be no hint of a story until half way through: "Liza". So I suppose that would answer your second question about what part piqued my interest and would have made me want to read on. What you need to do, is learn how to keep the story at the forefront and how to keep the story going. Writing flash fictions and short stories is a great way of doing this.

Good luck, -Junel.

Offline LRSuda

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Re: Inside the Turbulent Mind of a High School Junior
« Reply #18 on: March 16, 2014, 10:18:57 AM »
2par and Sio already said it but I'll repeat, experiment and play.  :D  You're still learning. When I first began writing, I thought romance novels were my thing. But the plot always turned dark and someone died, or murdered, blew his head off, or wanted to. It took a long time for me to realize tragedies were my thing. It also took a long time to learn how to plot a story and tell it effectively. (oops, there's an adverb. LOL)

Anyway, write and keep writing. Your genre will come to you.

Offline epursel

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Re: Inside the Turbulent Mind of a High School Junior
« Reply #19 on: March 19, 2014, 05:32:55 PM »
Much of what I thought was what other people have said already, so I won't beat a dead horse.  (avoid cliches...)  One of the first things I noticed was "usually" and "illusion" so dang close together.  I know that assonance is a wonderful tool, but the consonance of these two words together just didn't appeal to me. 
Dear Sir or Madam will you read my book? It took me years to write, will you take a look?

Offline Meghan

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Re: Inside the Turbulent Mind of a High School Junior
« Reply #20 on: April 13, 2014, 11:02:23 PM »
I'm new here, myself, and since I am a young woman, I have no idea what it's like in the mind of a man. But this seems a little too doom and gloom for a high school boy. They usually aren't that worried about schoolwork; in fact, from what I remember, they are far happier to blow it off. And their backpacks never risk their physical health.

Depending on your intended audience, it is a hard read. Most young readers don't like to have to think about what they're reading.

I wouldn't say rewrite it. Maybe just tweak it. You know, a lot. If you're writing for teenagers, it doesn't need to be so dense.