Author Topic: Kitchen Knife  (Read 1430 times)

Offline AntonioM

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 581
  • I am all that is myself
Kitchen Knife
« on: January 26, 2018, 05:53:54 PM »
We walk well within ourselves
certainty finds its way through our veins
in moments when taking flesh means
the difference in life and living,

I grate garlic with a surrendered spirit
fully-automated cooking machine—

Offline duck

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2921
  • The best laid plans of mice and men turn to ...
Re: Kitchen Knife
« Reply #1 on: January 31, 2018, 07:40:48 AM »
Hi Antonio
Shouldn't this be called kitchen machine rather than kitchen knife? Punctuation at the end of line 1 or even better IMO cut lines 1 and 2. The last two lines have some effect but are such a mouthful and I have no idea which spirit has been surrended.
This is not really saying too much to me though I getthat it is trying to say a lot. Maybe it's the mixed metaphors - walking doesn't seemed connected to veins/blood/flesh/garlic/spirit/cooking