Author Topic: The Winter Garden  (Read 8042 times)

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The Winter Garden
« on: February 07, 2014, 01:35:33 PM »
And old one, from my archives.

The Winter Garden

She sat down on the floor, her back against the radiator, arms folded around her knees. The dismal state of the furniture in the hall didn’t bother her. It was fitting.

***

“Oh, Abs, that dress looks absolutely gorgeous on you,” Vera squealed in fake delight.

“Thank you,” Abby said politely.
Gorgeous, huh? More like a cow in a cocktail dress, but you can’t say that, can you? After all you’re supposed to be my friend. So much for your friendship if you can’t even be honest with me.

She looked at herself in the mirror again. Rolled her eyes.
“You know, Vera, I think I’ll try on another. I don’t really like this one.”

“Sure, I’ll help you pick one out, okay?”

She didn’t even wait for an answer, and soon she held up yet another piece of fabric that wouldn’t even begin to cover her female roundings.
“Here, look at this one. I’m sure you’ll love it!”

Abby shrugged. There was no reasoning with Vera, so why even try? Wordlessly, she accepted her fate and went into the fitting booth. She was still struggling with the zipper, when she heard Vera’s voice again.

“Are you ready? I want to see it! Come on, hurry up a bit, will you?”

She drew back the curtain and showed herself to her friend.

“Stunning, Abs! You should definitely buy this one for your prom. All the boys will be looking at you only.”

Yes, and laughing their heads off, most likely.

“I’m not sure, Vera. I… I just don’t like dresses, I suppose. I think I’d better go home.”
She drew the curtain closed. Fighting her tears, she changed into her shirt and trousers again.

***

“Hey, you!” a raw voice shouted in her ear, “I’m talkin’ to you, bitch. I said do you have a fag for me.”

She snapped out of her past, back to the present. Old Andy’s pockmarked face was closer than it should be. A strong smell of urine made her wrinkle her nose.

“You stink, Andy,” she said as she reached into her pocket.

He laughed.
“Not nearly as bad as you, bitch.”

“It’s my last one.”
She patted the floor beside her. “Come, sit with me. We’ll share.”

Writekate

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Re: The Winter Garden
« Reply #1 on: March 13, 2014, 12:57:59 PM »
I wished it were a bit longer.Very interesting leap to the end... maybe the first part could be made longer to engage us?

Offline 2par

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Re: The Winter Garden
« Reply #2 on: March 13, 2014, 02:20:20 PM »
Soo, low self esteem led to smoking pot?

Yeah, I'd  like it fleshed out too.

Offline bri h

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Re: The Winter Garden
« Reply #3 on: March 13, 2014, 05:22:50 PM »
Pot? I thought it was just a 'ciggy?' I remember this one, I think? xbx
Fare thee well Skip. We're all 'Keening' now. xbx

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Re: The Winter Garden
« Reply #4 on: March 23, 2014, 04:39:31 PM »
Pot? LOL, no. I couldn't write credibly about that. Tried it once with  my best friend and it did nothing for me. She, on the other hand, started hallucinating, but at first I thought she was just kidding. Then, when I realised she really thought her legs were on fire, it wasn't quite so funny anymore.

So, it was indeed just a ciggy.

I'm not sure if I posted this earlier. I don't think so, but I might have. Or I might have posted something similar earlier. I often write about the mentally ill. Spent a couple of years with them, so that makes it easy. I know what I'm writing about.  :)


Flesh it out more, huh? I might. I keep coming back to this one from time to time. It may sound funny, but it brings back fond memories. I really liked the people there.

Offline Clarius

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Re: The Winter Garden
« Reply #5 on: April 27, 2014, 06:55:18 AM »
It's an interesting bracketing of a story about someone's fall from grace, possibly as a result of their confidence issues. I'm not sure what people want when they post in the gallery and not in the review my work section.
O wad some Pow'r the giftie gie us
To see oursels as others see us

 - Robert Burns

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Re: The Winter Garden
« Reply #6 on: April 28, 2014, 07:23:39 AM »
Thanks, Clarius.

Usually, when people post in the gallery, they just want to share their work with others. No more, no less. :)

Offline Mark T

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Re: The Winter Garden
« Reply #7 on: April 28, 2014, 01:07:00 PM »

Interesting read, Nel. Think I missed it earlier. Just wondering about the internal dialogue in para 2 - with the POV employed, perhaps some attribution to the character?

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Re: The Winter Garden
« Reply #8 on: April 28, 2014, 05:50:40 PM »
Thanks Mark. I might do that. :)

Pale Writer

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Re: The Winter Garden
« Reply #9 on: April 29, 2014, 06:46:12 AM »
Thanks for the read, Nelodra. I liked both sides of the story.

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Re: The Winter Garden
« Reply #10 on: April 29, 2014, 03:37:50 PM »
Thanks Pale. :)

Offline Skylan

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Re: The Winter Garden
« Reply #11 on: April 29, 2014, 10:00:29 PM »
I liked, though I had to read it a couple of times. :P

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Re: The Winter Garden
« Reply #12 on: April 30, 2014, 06:56:58 AM »
Thank you Skylan.  :)

Offline Poggy

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Re: The Winter Garden
« Reply #13 on: May 18, 2014, 12:42:47 PM »
Nice Story Nelodra

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Re: The Winter Garden
« Reply #14 on: May 18, 2014, 12:52:39 PM »
Thanks Poggy.  :)