I like anything with a bit of profanity in it so this was always going to be up my street!
Admittedly, I had to read through the final verse a few times before pulling some sort of understanding from it and even now, I'm not quite sure. Am I right in saying there's a Sugar Daddy out there somewhere looking for a vulnerable, cash-starved whore with dreadlocks? It's a strange world. Anything is possible!
The only other thing I might mention is the layout. In a couple of instances, the layout confused me and forced me to re-read certain excerpts. Things could be just a little clearer.
Bitching done. There were also things I liked:
...dead cocks falling limp from her used pussy
Really, really powerful, epitomises the despair of the character and captures the selfishness of the typical punter once they've blown their muck. Dead. Limp. Used. All of these words make this work so depressingly well. Nice going!
...Skyscrapers rising in tandem with her
dripping desires...
Unashamed phallic imagery but we're talking about screwing and shagging here. The dick-like skyscrapers belong there.
...lonely princess psyche
That line made me really uncomfortable and I'm glad that it did. For a brief, brief second, the thought of one of my daughters being on the game crossed through my mind. My daughters are princesses, at least to me. I don't want "all shapes and sizes penetrating" my princesses "over and over again". It's a nasty, nasty line that fits the words around it and I really like it.
This is a really promising piece. I'd possibly make one or two small changes but, if you like it as it is, maybe you could just look at the layout again to make sure things are clear to everybody reading it.
Good work!
