Author Topic: Finding Abby (821) part five / repaired - block #14  (Read 8376 times)

Offline Skip Slocum

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 12384
  • Writers are dreamers with pens
Re: Finding Abby (821) part five / repaired - block #14
« Reply #45 on: December 12, 2013, 10:21:07 PM »
I just shortened that part of blowing out the lamps, keep reading.  ;D I used that detail in the kitchen.


EDIT: I figured if I dimmed the wicks in the dining room first it would be/ sound too redundant. Yes-Maybe?
« Last Edit: December 12, 2013, 10:50:54 PM by Skip Slocum »

Offline Mrs N

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2319
Re: Finding Abby (821) part five / repaired - block #14
« Reply #46 on: December 13, 2013, 04:55:22 AM »
Wow, you've been busy!!! Love the romance of it all, it gives off a much closer feeling now. If I had to choose a version it would be take 3, but I'm sure after a few days from it you could pick out the best of all your versions.

My god, that 510bhan is a force to be reckoned with, fab!! :)

Offline Skip Slocum

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 12384
  • Writers are dreamers with pens
Re: Finding Abby (821) part five / repaired - block #14
« Reply #47 on: December 13, 2013, 01:20:55 PM »
Hey Mrs. N yeah we got a good discussion going last night. Yes Miss Sio is pretty sharp isn't she? great ideas.

In the story -- I haven't gone back into that three week block of conversations they've been having every evening to add a blurb so the reader can hear something. But if I do add a blurb, I believe it should be where Jake lies to her when she asks what he's been doing. You gotta figure that's going to come up with budding friends, 'what you do'.

Then during their ride that might be where Jake comes clean with her.