Author Topic: Iíve Got an Axe!  (Read 3674 times)

Offline Dylan di Vilde

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Iíve Got an Axe!
« on: November 11, 2013, 06:15:02 AM »

I now have an axe - but donít worry - for thatís not a threat or a warning,
I just thought Iíd quite like to have one, so I went out and bought one this morning.
Itís not that Iím planning a rampage, it isnít to make me look tough, 
I just have some stuff that needs chopping, I just want to chop up some stuff.
Thereís a hardware shop in the high street - a temple to craft and invention
with all sorts of gizmos for purchase or hire and every sharp tool you could mention.
I tried out a few for comparison, a role-play before I would buy
- the veteran Axe Man inspecting the stock with his keenly professional eye -
checking the balance, eyeing the shaft, judging the strength of the tool.
Sadly not very much wiser for this, so I picked one because it looked cool.
Reluctant to wave it about like a nut - the practice is probably banned -
I asked for it wrapping to keep it discreet Ė and gripped the thing tight in my hand.

But it triggered strange primitive instincts, because clutching my axe in the street
I felt like a valiant warrior chief - powerful, armed and complete,
ready and willing to stand and repulse a rampaging barbarian horde
if by some chance one should challenge my rule, brandishing shield and sword.
I am Ragnar the Skull Splitter! Ė crusher of rivals and not very lovable Viking
I smite the invader, slaughter my foes and anyone not to my liking,
the gutters run red with my enemiesí blood, I am murderous, ruthless and wild!  -
the infamous slayer of Sven the Unhinged and the lesser known Osric the Mild. 
So tremble before me, prepare for your doom for I go pretty bonkers in battles,   
defending my womenfolk sitting at home with the rest of my valuable chattels.


Disturbingly anxious to use it, I looked out for possible muggers.
See how you look with your head cleft in twain you pasty-faced, shifty-eyed buggers.
But me and my axe went unchallenged, my bloodthirsty schemes unfulfilled
so I hung up my axe in the garage and thankfully no-one was killed.

Itís hanging there now with its razor sharp blade and Iím wondering what I should do
for though  I still have all that stuff to be chopped, Iím hatching another plan too;
I canít be an Iron Age warrior king - the chances are virtually zero
but perhaps with a helmet, a mask and a cape Iíll be Axe Man - the Crime Busting Hero!
-wielding justice, banishing dread, conquering fear and sorrow
or maybe Iíll stick to just chopping stuff up, Iíll see how I feel tomorrow.





Sweepings from the Factory Floor - New volume of poems available now at Ė
https://www.feedaread.com/profiles/10661/

Offline Gyppo

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Re: Iíve Got an Axe!
« Reply #1 on: November 11, 2013, 06:22:12 AM »
A positive gem, Dylan.

Poor Osric the Mild ;-)
My website is currently having a holiday, but will return like the $6,000,000 man.  Bigger, stronger, etc.

In the meantime, why not take pity on a starving author and visit my book sales page at http://stores.lulu.com/gyppo1

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Re: Iíve Got an Axe!
« Reply #2 on: November 11, 2013, 06:29:15 AM »
I liked this. Hard to write the joy of exploration, but you did. :)

thanks for the read

Offline Mrs N

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Re: Iíve Got an Axe!
« Reply #3 on: November 11, 2013, 07:50:01 AM »
Ha ha, really liked this. Funny how an unusual purchase can affect one...

Offline 510bhan

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Re: Iíve Got an Axe!
« Reply #4 on: November 11, 2013, 08:14:53 AM »
Love it, Dylan. :D

Offline Mark H

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Re: Iíve Got an Axe!
« Reply #5 on: November 11, 2013, 08:34:07 AM »
Very amusing.
Buy Bristle Side Down, The Man Who Wore Brown Shoes and Middleclass Machismo here:
http://www.lulu.com/shop/search.ep?contributorId=570142

If poetry is not your thing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PueM04F0Qz8 or: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0Zm8cj9MGg

Offline 2par

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Re: Iíve Got an Axe!
« Reply #6 on: November 11, 2013, 03:13:31 PM »
I loved this. Lots of imagination!

Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: Iíve Got an Axe!
« Reply #7 on: November 12, 2013, 12:17:58 AM »
Bravo!!!  ;D I loved this piece. Thank you very much for sharing!  ;D

Offline Dylan di Vilde

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Re: Iíve Got an Axe!
« Reply #8 on: November 14, 2013, 05:22:32 AM »
Thanks very much everybody.
Sweepings from the Factory Floor - New volume of poems available now at Ė
https://www.feedaread.com/profiles/10661/

Offline Marie Meyers

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Re: Iíve Got an Axe!
« Reply #9 on: December 22, 2013, 03:45:43 PM »
The joy that made me feel. (: I saw all this in my head. I do believe there needs to be an Amelia Bedelia story where this happens! Bravo!!!!
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