Author Topic: Entity - New Draft - November 3, 2013  (Read 14341 times)

Offline Jackson_Leigh

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Entity - New Draft - November 3, 2013
« on: November 03, 2013, 11:16:01 AM »
INT. HOUSE – EARLY MORNING – YEAR 1693

MARY LAWSON – 46 YEARS OLD – sweeps the floor of her house. She hums to herself. In between hums she recites the Lord’s Prayer.

MARY
Our Father who art in heaven…

She lights a candle next to the front door. It provides a dim light in the small house.

MARY
Hallowed be thy name…

The wind picks up outside. MARY looks out the window. JOHN LAWSON – 47 YEARS OLD – is out chopping wood. The wind nearly throws him off balance. MARY looks towards the woods. The trees swing back and forth. She continues to stare.

MARY
And deliver us from all evil – Amen.

MARY blesses herself. Eyes fixed on in-between the trees, as if there is something beyond them. Maybe. The wind causes her front door to creek open. MARY turns towards the door. It swings back and forth with the wind. She looks down to discover that the wind has blown dirt into the house.

MARY reaches for the broom and sweeps the dirt onto her front porch. She shuts the door as the wind ceases. MARY places the broom back into a corner when the sound of glass breaking comes from upstairs.

MARY
Sarah?


MARY rushes upstairs. Screams come from an upstairs bedroom.

INT. BEDROOM – MOMENTS LATER

MARY opens the bedroom door to discover her daughter SARAH LAWSON banging her head against the wall behind her bed. SARAH screams in pain.

SARAH
Stop it. Stop it.


MARY rushes to her daughter’s bedside. She tries to gain control over SARAH.

MARY
Sarah, darling calm down.

SARAH continues to bang her head against the wall. MARY holds her daughters shoulder’s trying to stop the self-harm.

MARY (CONT’D)
Oh God, Sarah, honey please stop.

Sarah bangs her head one more time, then looks towards the open bedroom window. SARAH points her finger towards the window. The wind picks up once again. SARAH’s body is thrown against the wall behind her from an invisible source. MARY falls to the ground in tears. Moans and grunts come from SARAH as her body is slid up the wall.

INT. BEDROOM – LATE EVENING

The bedroom is now filled with candles, while JOHN BONVILE – 37 YEARS OLD and the local priest GEORGE MARTIN – 40 YEARS OLD – stand in front of SARAH’s bed. GEORGE MARTIN sprays Holy Water onto the girl. The girl sits up in the bed, staring back at the two men. She doesn’t move.

GEORGE MARTIN
Are you Sarah Lawson?

SARAH
Yes.

GEORGE
The daughter of Mary and John Lawson?

SARAH
Yes.

GEORGE
How old are you, Sarah

SARAH
Seventeen.

GEORGE
My, such a young girl.

There is a blankness in SARAH’s eyes.

GEORGE (CONT’D)
Have you in any way had connections with Satan and any of his ways?

SARAH remains silent.

GEORGE
Have you in any way had connections with Satan and any of his ways?

The girl turns towards the window. Her eyes stare at the trees sway in the wind.

JOHN BONVILE
Sarah, will you answer Pastor Martin’s question.

SARAH turns towards JOHN.

SARAH
No.

JOHN
And why not?

SARAH
They don’t want me to say the truth. They will hurt me.

GEORGE
They will hurt you? Who are they?

SARAH turns back towards the window.

SARAH
In the trees.

GEORGE looks towards the trees.

GEORGE
Sarah, who is in the trees?

SARAH
I can’t say.

GEORGE
And why not?

SARAH
They don’t want me to.

GEORGE
If I go into the trees, will I see them?

SARAH
They will kill you.

The ground begins to shake.

GEORGE
They will kill me?

SARAH
Yes. A man of God, they will kill you.

The ground begins to shake violently.

GEORGE
Sarah, are they with Satan?

SARAH’s eyes go blank. The ground continues to shake. SARAH’s body begins to bend backward. Her head meets the heels of her feet. Her body levitates off the bed. She floats in the air for a moment before being thrown back down by an invisible source.
GEORGE splashes Holy Water onto the girl.

GEORGE
Satan, be gone from this child.

The color leaves SARAH’s eyes. She raises her hand and thrusts it forward. GEORGE goes flying across the room, banging against the opposite wall and falling to the ground below. Dead.

JOHN
Unholy one.

JOHN bends down next to GEORGE’s body. Checking his pulse.

JOHN
Dark magic Father, Satan is with her now.

JOHN lifts himself back up, looks back towards the girl. She stares back. He bows his head and leaves the room.

EXT. WOODS – NEXT DAY
SARAH stands on a high platform, hands tied behind her back, rope around her neck, waiting impending death. Her family and a large crowd of people stand before her. Watching, waiting.

JAMES HAMILTON
On the account of the murder of Father George Martin by the use of black magic, I hereby proclaim Miss Sarah Lawson a witch.

MARY LAWSON leans onto her husband, tears falling from her eyes.

JAMES (CONT’D)
Miss Sarah Lawson will be sentenced to death by hanging.

The crowd backs up in horror as SARAH’s eyes begin to bleed out. THOMAS WELLS – EARLY 20s – holds out a crucifix towards SARAH. She screams out in pain, as her mouth fills with blood.

WOMAN
Unholy one.

MARY LAWSON falls to her knees. Her husband tries to support her. SARAH’s neck snaps, though she continues to live. Her body begins to swing back and forth.

MAN
Satan be gone.

WOMAN
Stay away from us.

SARAH snaps the rope that binds her hands together. She raises her arms and thrust them forward. JAMES goes flying back into the crowd. He falls onto his side, he looks back to SARAH. She has blackness in her eyes.

SARAH
The Powerful One is here.

Her eyes roll back into her head. Her head looks up towards the sky. Blood drips from her mouth.

MAN
Look away.

MAN #2
She is bringing evil onto us, turn your heads.

The crowd roars in panic. Unsure what to do.

JAMES
Kill her! Kill the evil spirit among us.

A MAN behind SARAH throws her body forward. Her neck snaps in the opposite direction. SARAH screams in pain. Below SARAH, A MAN lights her leg on fire. The fire overtakes SARAH’s entire body. She screams in pain, as the fire reaches her head. Then silence. Her eyes turn to pure blackness. Her body stops moving. Pure silence. Her body hangs in the stillness of the night.

CUT TO:

INT. BEDROOM - MORNING

An alarm clock buzzes. A hand reaches for the snooze button. TREVOR DAVIS - 16 YEARS OLD - pulls the bed covers off of his body. He gets out of bed. The sunlight in his eyes.

INT. BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER

TREVOR slips on his t-shirt and jeans. Tying his shoes, TREVOR listens to music from his computer. An email comes through. It is a notice reminding him to come in early for work. He reads it quickly, then closing the window. Leaving his bedroom, TREVOR grabs his book bag. He closes his bedroom door behind him.

INT. STAIRS - SAME

TREVOR heads down the stairs, ready to leave the house. His mother calls for him from downstairs.

MARY
Trevor, I fixed you breakfast.

TREVOR reaches the bottom of the stairs. His mother is waiting for him.

TREVOR
Thanks, but I got to get going, big math test today.

MARY
Okay, but be sure to get something when you get there. Don’t want you taking the test on an empty stomach.

TREVOR
Sure thing.

TREVOR gives his mother a kiss on the cheek.

MARY
Love you.

TREVOR
Love you too.

TREVOR leaves the house. His mother watching him go.

EXT. PARKING LOT - HIGH SCHOOL - LATER

TREVOR getting out of his car, locks the door, and walks towards the high school, as PATRICK WELLS - 16 YEARS OLD - joins him. Police cars speed by.

PATRICK
Have you heard?

TREVOR
Heard what?

PATRICK
David and Samantha are going to Holland High Preserve.

TREVOR looks confused.

TREVOR
So?

PATRICK
So, they want us to join them.

TREVOR
Why?


PATRICK
Something about being on the baseball team together.

TREVOR
Doesn’t mean we have to hang out together.

PATRICK
I know but it’s fun to hang out with different people. Socialize a little bit.

TREVOR
Yeah, but I got a lot of work to do. I’m trying to do better this year.

PATRICK
One night of actually living is not going to kill you.

TREVOR
I know, but David and Samantha?

PATRICK
Hey, I’ll be with you, so you can avoid all that awkward silence thing.

TREVOR
I guess you have a point.

PATRICK
Relax, we are gonna have a great time.

TREVOR gives a small smile.

PATRICK
You need to lighten up a little bit, you know that.

The school bell rings as the boys head to class.
Wait... What is a signature?

Offline BrazenStudent

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Re: Entity - New Draft - November 3, 2013
« Reply #1 on: November 12, 2013, 04:22:27 PM »
My first thought on reading the opening scene is that it seems a little too similar to The Exorcist for my liking - apart from the whole 'condemn her to death' element.

I would recommend that you try and find a way of connecting the opening sequence to Trevor's first scene. Otherwise, it appears as being a little disjointed. Perhaps (even though you are not the cameraman) something like a match-on-action shot, where you find an object/action in the last scene of the opening sequence and find a similar object/action in Trevor's first scene that it can be a match for.

For instance, perhaps the screams of Sarah can be mirrored by Trevor screaming, waking up after a bad dream. It's a silly idea by my own admission, but a viable one nonetheless.

Also, 'His mother calls for him from downstairs' is not needed, as this is implied by her line. Just put (O.S.) next to the character's name. There are also times where the action is far too detailed. At this point, we just need the basics.

Other than that, it's OK I guess. Obviously, we are unsure as to how the scenes relate.

« Last Edit: November 12, 2013, 04:27:10 PM by BrazenStudent »

Offline mdfidelity

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Re: Entity - New Draft - November 3, 2013
« Reply #2 on: December 19, 2013, 07:55:39 PM »
The opening gets right into it. The language seems to modern for the time period.

Offline ByronArthurClark

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Re: Entity - New Draft - November 3, 2013
« Reply #3 on: December 19, 2013, 08:19:56 PM »
I was just thinking the Lord's prayer might have changed somewhat over the centuries (just came from writing a four hour intellectual history exam so I'm in a historically obsessive mood), but you're safe on that score our version comes from 1662.

But I'm afraid that in the 1600's no one "fixed" anyone breakfast, or called anyone "honey", or thought of someone 17 years old as particularly young (young for what?)

Also you need to include an indication of the time period for the second scene?
« Last Edit: December 19, 2013, 08:27:34 PM by ByronArthurClark »
Byron Clark. Please feel free to e-mail me, anytime! byronarthurclark@gmail.com