Author Topic: Second-Hand Pose  (Read 2549 times)

Offline BrazenStudent

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Second-Hand Pose
« on: October 18, 2013, 05:51:35 AM »
Bearing in mind the comments from my last script, I have decided to post a script that I started working on last night. It is loosely based on an experience I had last month (if I remember correctly).

Second-Hand Pose
FADE IN:
EXT. STREET MARKET – DAY
ALEX drifts through the numerous stalls and traders. He stops in front of a STALL being manned by GEOFF.
            GEOFF
   Bonjour, my name is Pierre. How can I help?
            ALEX
   My mum’s birthday is coming up. Do you have anything she    might like?
            GEOFF
   Young boy, I can make you a special offer on these jars of mustard, coming all the way from Normandy.

GEOFF gestures to a jar full of disposable plastic spoons.

            GEOFF (CONT’D)
   You can sample some of our flavours. Nothing but the best    for monsieur.
            ALEX
   What’s that one?
            GEOFF
   Basil mustard – a favourite with the ladies.
            (beat)
   Monsieur, what is your name?
            ALEX
   Uh, it’s Alex.
            GEOFF
Alex, Alex...take it from me. Ladies love a bit of culture.
         ALEX
But my mum won’t be pleased if I buy her something she won’t use.
         GEOFF
Right. Well, Alex, have you considered soaps and shampoos? The French are renowned for their toiletries.

GEOFF beckons HARRY from another stall to him.

            GEOFF (CONT’D)
   Henri, Alex here might be interested in some toiletries    for his mother.
            ALEX
   Well-
            HARRRY
   Bonsieur, Alex. Do not worry; I will do everything in my    power to help you find something she might like.

HARRY takes some bottles of hand lotion from one of the shelves, and puts it on the counter.

            HARRY (CONT’D)
   How about this? From the region of Grenoble. We French    like our cleanliness.
            ALEX
   What is it?
            HARRY
   It is one of France’s national treasures: hand lotion.
            ALEX
   Hand lotion?
            HARRY
But of course. Surely your parents have purchased French hand lotions before? Nivea is one of French’s best exports.
         ALEX
Nivea is French?
         HARRY
Yes. But these hand lotions, monsieur, are more difficult to get your hands on.
         ALEX
You seem to have quite a lot of them here.

HARRY shrugs.
         HARRY
I am one of the few who sells these. I can make you a good offer, take it for leave it: three for a fiver.
         ALEX
But what will my mum say?
         HARRY
Ah, but monsieur, it is about the art of the surprise. Imagine how delighted she’ll be when you return home and shower her with your gifts.
         ALEX
But she’s never heard of these brands before.
         HARRY
Alex, Alex. These toiletries put even L’Oreal to shame.


« Last Edit: October 18, 2013, 06:07:25 AM by BrazenStudent »

hillwalker3000

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Re: Second-Hand Pose
« Reply #1 on: October 18, 2013, 06:49:01 AM »

'Only Fools and Horses' meets 'Allo Allo'.

Unfortunately there's one problem. It's not funny, apart from this line which might even be unintentionally ironic:

Yes. But these hand lotions, monsieur, are more difficult to get your hands on.

Dodgy market traders with funny French accents? It's not working.

"Viva la France as they say in Rome" as Del Boy  once said.

H3K

Offline bri h

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Re: Second-Hand Pose
« Reply #2 on: October 18, 2013, 05:10:23 PM »
Hiya. I think you could have given Geoff a pseudo-French accent, to make it 'sound' better. Bonjour, my name is Pierre. How can I help? ('Ow can I 'elp?)
            ALEX
   My mum’s birthday is coming up. Do you have anything she    might like?
            GEOFF
   Young boy, I can make you a special offer on these jars of mustard, coming all the way from Normandy. (Young boy, I can make you a special offer on 'zees' jars of mustard)    Bri.



You never explain why you introduce Geoff, then the dialogue goes on and suddenly Geoff is Pierre? Why? WE know he's Geoff, but the MC doesn't. Or does he 'spill' at some later point
Fare thee well Skip. We're all 'Keening' now. xbx