Author Topic: The changing face - or lack thereof - of banking.  (Read 386 times)

Offline Gyppo

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The changing face - or lack thereof - of banking.
« on: October 16, 2013, 07:30:49 PM »
I went into my bank the other day to pay some money in.

When he realised what I was up to the teller - a rotund little fellow - bounced up from his chair like a beach ball on Speed.

"If all you want to do is pay in, there's a new machine for that."   It wasn't suggested as an option, more as if the customers had to use it.   He almost marched me over the the automatic deposit machine and showed me what to do with it.  I was tempted to tell him what he could do with it, but it would have involved copious quantities of grease and even then there would have been no guarantee of success.  Would have been fun watching him try though.

"It's so much easier for the customers" he trilled.  And yes, he did bloody well trill, like a demented budgie.  I am not making judgements about his sexual orientation, but he did trill.

"It's so much quicker."  He continued, enthusing like some damned TV Evangelist as we waited interminably for the electronic gizmo to count my money.  "Saves all that time standing in a queue."

I was tempted to point out the irony of the three people stood behind me, waiting to use the machine, whilst his position behind the counter was unattended and a solitary teller was riffling through another depositor's much larger stack of notes in half the time.  But you can't re-educate a rampant enthusiast and a zealous convert.  The man is clearly a pro-automation Banking Fundamentalist

Once it had finished counting I then had to confirm I agreed with its counting.  Human tellers are never that unsure of themselves.  On rare occasions they'll hesitate and count again, but they don't ask for a second opinion.  For some reason the Monty Python sketch about 'the number of thy counting' and the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch spring to mind and I couldn't help smiling.

Mister Beach Ball misread took this as sign of approval and beamed at me.  "See?  You'll like it once you get used to it."

Can't the silly little sod see he's working himself out of a job?

There used to be six tellers in there at busy times, and they handled money as neatly and as fast as Las Vegas croupiers handling cards.

Now we have a machine with - if its hesitation and constant requests for reassurance are anything to go by - serious low self esteem.

They've already done away with my favourite teller - the gorgeous, and awesomely competent, Georgina - and her amusing little blonde sidekick with the fancy jewel encrusted fingernails.  Those two always brightened my day.  In fact the bank seems to have done away with women altogether.  So much for sexual equality, eh?

Unless - and the thought has just struck me - the cash deposit machine is a false front and Georgina and her buddy are working behind it and taking the piss out of the entire new system.

Yes, I can imagine Georgina, a glass of Chardonnay in one elegant manicured hand, deftly counting banknotes with the other and arranging them in a neat little stack, and pressing a button with her toes to enable the machine counting noise.

I shall console myself with this thought and mental image ;-)

The machines may - ultimately  - be cheaper for the bank than a crew of human beings, but they are not faster or better.

Gyppo  (Defiantly Luddite and missing his few friendly words with a gorgeous or entertaining lass every week or so.)
« Last Edit: October 18, 2013, 05:59:26 PM by Gyppo »
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