Author Topic: Screwed  (Read 8722 times)

Offline Alice, a Country Gal

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Re: Screwed
« Reply #45 on: September 14, 2013, 08:53:03 PM »
Drab, I'm sorry if I misread your intentions behind the words.

Generally my reading comprehension is pretty high, but I'm human and sometime I slip. Please forgive me. 
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Wolfe

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Re: Screwed
« Reply #46 on: September 14, 2013, 09:03:15 PM »
I really hate doing this, but:

Either way you're f***ed S.
I wouldn't consider this to be a poem, just an attempt to sound clever. I don't believe it's even ironic, to me it reads like the essence of a bad poem written by a teenager. Death and religion are pointless topics unless you show us something.
Bottom line is, there's nothing new here, and I doubt very much that you consider this to be a poem.
Might look good on a tee-shirt, but it don't look good here.

This is not a helpful critique. You tell the poster it would look good on a t-shirt, but not here on the review board. You tell the poster it reads like the essence of a bad poem written by a teenager. You say the poster is just attempting to sound clever.

Now, ask yourself, where is the part of your critique that is insightful, helpful, or guides the poet toward a better product?

That's the problem.

Where exactly is your advice as addressed in #4? Better to put it on a t-shirt? It's not your place to say, "It shows nothing new." Using your logic, and that of mainstream period, nothing is new, so why even bother?

If you want to criticize the work, please at least show merit. Not your inner snark. We are not 'defending' the poem. We are saying your criticism of the author or his intent is uncalled for.

Hope that makes it clearer.

Edit:
And FYI I didn't say he wrote like a teenager, I mentioned the 'essence' of what he wrote, which I still maintain is lame.

You really don't see an issue with calling either the work, the 'essence' of what someone wrote, or the poet themselves . . . lame? Really? You don't see an issue there?

I believe the point of the poetry and fiction review is to give our opinion, in a professional manner, about the product itself. Not the essence. Not the reasoning. And certainly not the poet itself. If you can't grasp that concept, might I suggest you no longer review anything.

I dislike a lot of product offered on the boards, but I've never felt the need to tell anyone their work was 'lame' or their concept was juvenile much less 'been there, done that,' either.

Seriously. What the heck is going on with the boards lately?
« Last Edit: September 14, 2013, 09:18:05 PM by Wolfe »

Offline drab

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Re: Screwed
« Reply #47 on: September 14, 2013, 09:19:31 PM »
Hi Alice,
I may be a little rough on (the rare) occasion with my crits. Usually when I detect any laziness. My crits tend to be to the point, but never personal. I'm here a few years, and have been heavily criticised on occasion for my poems, but never for my critique.
You have absolutely no need to apologise Alice. I've misread many times myself. Everyone does.
Regards
 
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Offline drab

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Re: Screwed
« Reply #48 on: September 14, 2013, 09:38:18 PM »
W,
Show me the merit. There is none. You have voiced your opinion, for what it's worth. I have voiced mine, for what it's worth.
And BTW, you don't hate doing this. You love it.
Bottom line is (IMO) it's not a poem. And I've wasted enough of my time on a few lazy lines posted on a poetry board.

And BTW it would look good on a tee-shirt.
 
To live, with gentle but cunning deceit, and accept the consequences, is the destiny of every man.

Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: Screwed
« Reply #49 on: September 14, 2013, 10:03:13 PM »
Maybe we can just let this one go and move on to the next adventure. Anyone up for coffee?

Offline fire-fly

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Re: Screwed
« Reply #50 on: September 14, 2013, 10:04:14 PM »
Is it your shout Skip?

Surely it must be.

Back on topic boys and girls.  ;)
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Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: Screwed
« Reply #51 on: September 14, 2013, 10:07:50 PM »
Some folks are better with stories than with poetry. Hopefully this story I'm finishing will be entertaining when it's done. Ooh-raw?

Offline drab

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Re: Screwed
« Reply #52 on: September 14, 2013, 10:25:08 PM »
Have to agree with you S.
And believe it or not, it was about the 'poem', not the author.  ;)
To live, with gentle but cunning deceit, and accept the consequences, is the destiny of every man.

Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: Screwed
« Reply #53 on: September 14, 2013, 10:30:17 PM »
I can see that. I just do this for fun so no worries.  ;D

Offline Tom 10

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Re: Screwed
« Reply #54 on: September 15, 2013, 11:34:22 AM »

Iím with drab on this one.  I like the fact that Skip is experimenting, trying things, and is comfortable posting.  I donít see anything from drab that is out of line (ďto me it reads like. . . .Ē)   Lots of stuff gets harsher treatment in comments without there being a problem. 

I am regularly thankful for the volunteer services of the moderators in making this site run.  But if drabís comments violate the rules, then its clear that new standards are being announced.

Just saying.

= =

And Skip, the original text confused in this way -- the four variables (believe, don't believe, God exists, God doesn't exist) can be combined in four different ways.  The brief text used the two least interesting in combination, and then didn't take the next step.  The re-write takes a different approach and adds some nuance to your notion.  I think you should keep tinkering with it.

And when you get something definitive about the difference between poetry and verse, I'd love to learn that. 8)   


Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: Screwed
« Reply #55 on: September 15, 2013, 12:43:48 PM »
Thanks Tom. With poetry most folks can tell I'm a fish out of water. I play with this as a means to strengthen my thought process and word jousting. I probably take a much lighter view of poems than some of the more serious, intense, poetry thinkers but I don't expect mine to do much more than hopefully make a few folks smile or ponder for just a second or two.

As they say, onward and upward and back to the drawing boards.  ;D ;D

Oh-oh, But also I need to apologize for not pulling my weight on this board since I don't know how to judge poems by anything more then I like that and don't care for this. This is why I usually post my attempts in the gallery.

Offline bri h

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Re: Screwed
« Reply #56 on: September 15, 2013, 04:31:35 PM »
Well in my opinion Skip this is a good way of critting works simply and to the point . . . I don't know how to judge poems by anything more than I like that and don't care for this. No need to apologise, I feel. B
Fare thee well Skip. We're all 'Keening' now. xbx

Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: Screwed
« Reply #57 on: September 15, 2013, 04:34:09 PM »
 ;)

Offline heidi52

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Re: Screwed
« Reply #58 on: September 15, 2013, 06:13:01 PM »
Agree with you Bri.

A lot of times poetry is abstract, and some are downright hard to understand. So at times the only feedback you can offer is 'I liked it' or 'it didn't work for me'. As long as it's sincere it's perfectly acceptable.

If you post in the gallery you miss out on hearing ways you might improve your writing.

My take on criticism is, I really stunk as a writer when I found this place. People have helped me and I have improved so I stink less, but I still have a llllloooooonnnngggg way to go.
 
I learn more from a negative crit than I ever would from a positive one. And each thing I learn makes me a better writer.

Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: Screwed
« Reply #59 on: September 15, 2013, 06:34:21 PM »
Okay, I'm with you. I thought opinion without pointing toward some sort of fix was being one sided. But i'm on board now.