Author Topic: Bet Your Life on Snake-Eyes // Spit-Fire, Flash-Fiction (456)  (Read 5349 times)

Offline Skip Slocum

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Bet Your Life on Snake-Eyes // Spit-Fire, Flash-Fiction (456)
« on: August 31, 2013, 02:11:37 PM »
Bet Your Life on Snake-Eyes

“Please come in, Mr. Holland do sit down.”

“What’s with all the bars on the windows?”

“We are a privately funded behavioral modification institution.”

“Still, what’s with the bars?”

“Those aren’t a concern right now. What is a concern is your gambling sickness.”

“Sickness? Really – they said I was sick?”

“Your family must love you very much despite your actions as of late. According to this report you have lost everything and even stolen from your mother, friends and churches to support this gambling  . . . sickness.”

“I had a dry spell is all. Every professional gambler has em. I’ll bounce back. All I need is a stake. The poker champion world cup, starts in two week. I’ll get into that and bang, I’ll be back on top in no time. The winner gets twelve million, a bracelet and his name forever on the trophy.”

“Mr. Holland that contest costs twenty-five thousand dollars to enter.”

“Don’t worry I’ll get it somewhere.”

“All right, enough of this. Miss Jensen have the orderlies bring them in.”

“What’s going on?”

“Mr. Holland in each of these small boxes is a deadly serpent except for one. In that one box is a key to this briefcase. It holds three hundred thousand dollars. If you find the key, you may keep the money and leave immediately. However, if you reach into any other box, the serpent in that container will bite you and you’ll be dead within the hour.”

“This is a trick isn’t it?”

“I assure you this is quite serious. Your life depends on what you do in the next five minutes. May I also remind you that you may leave now without trying and your family will be waiting.”

“One out of four chance of three hundred grand, huh?”

“More realistically, a three out of four chance of dying or . . . just walk away.”

“Can I pick the boxes up?”

“No.”

“Then I choose this one.”

“If that’s the one you want place your hand inside the box.”

“Okay, whew . . . here goes–”

“Take him away. Miss Jenson bring me the commitment papers. Mr. Holland will be our guest for a while.”

“But there was nothing in the box. Did you hear me – nothing in there. You lied. You said three hundred thousand dollars.”

“That I did. And the fact that you took the time to calculate the odds proves you’re a sick man. But when you put your hand in the box, that, that action there proves you are a very sick man. Gentleman, sublevel two please. I’ll be down after this paperwork is finished. If it’s any consolation Mr. Holland, the three hundred thousand will be spent on your care.”
« Last Edit: August 31, 2013, 05:07:21 PM by Skip Slocum »

Offline 510bhan

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Re: Bet Your Life on Snake-Eyes // Spit-Fire, Flash-Fiction (456)
« Reply #1 on: August 31, 2013, 02:18:28 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D
steak ---> stake ;)

Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: Bet Your Life on Snake-Eyes // Spit-Fire, Flash-Fiction (456)
« Reply #2 on: August 31, 2013, 02:26:27 PM »
Thank you.  ;D I'll go fix that.

The up side is I only had one mistake.
« Last Edit: August 31, 2013, 02:28:45 PM by Skip Slocum »

Offline bri h

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Re: Bet Your Life on Snake-Eyes // Spit-Fire, Flash-Fiction (456)
« Reply #3 on: August 31, 2013, 03:33:26 PM »
ha ha. Not so fast o skippy one.

even stolen from family    Would read better as 'family members.'

“Can I pick up the boxes up?” Pick one 'up' and get rid of the other mate.

Add two more to the list mate and you'll be closer to the truth, and that's so far. heh heh. But still an engaging story pal. Well done. B


Fare thee well Skip. We're all 'Keening' now. xbx

Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: Bet Your Life on Snake-Eyes // Spit-Fire, Flash-Fiction (456)
« Reply #4 on: August 31, 2013, 04:29:59 PM »
That's an oops. Thank you. I'll go fix the 'up' but since family is in a list I figure the word 'members' is implied. Yes-maybe?  ;D

My batting average is quickly going away.  ;D
« Last Edit: August 31, 2013, 04:31:38 PM by Skip Slocum »

Offline 2par

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Re: Bet Your Life on Snake-Eyes // Spit-Fire, Flash-Fiction (456)
« Reply #5 on: August 31, 2013, 04:34:04 PM »
The idiot. Did he really think 300 thou. would be there? That's a gambler for ya.  Fun story.

oh, and just ''family'' is fine. Don't pay attention to Bri.

Offline bri h

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Re: Bet Your Life on Snake-Eyes // Spit-Fire, Flash-Fiction (456)
« Reply #6 on: August 31, 2013, 04:41:14 PM »
Any more comments like that Toop and I'll put you over my knee. heh heh.

 Skip. If the two 'families' were loads of words apart, I'd say yeah keep it. But they're not and it reads badly to me, and I'm just an average reader.  ::) How's it gonna look to the more experienced eyes? But hey, I may be wrong so feel free to keep or discard mate. B
Fare thee well Skip. We're all 'Keening' now. xbx

Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: Bet Your Life on Snake-Eyes // Spit-Fire, Flash-Fiction (456)
« Reply #7 on: August 31, 2013, 04:45:43 PM »
Hey Bri -- yeah, I've already zapped one of the 'ups' I'll go read that sentence with 'Family' in it and make sure I didn't overlook something else.

2par -- When I got out of the Army some years ago, we moved to Reno Nv. where I got a job as a security guard at Circus Circus Casino. I witnessed a few folks who couldn't turn off the gambling bug and it almost destroyed them. I'm sure it had ripples in their lives we didn't see.

Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: Bet Your Life on Snake-Eyes // Spit-Fire, Flash-Fiction (456)
« Reply #8 on: August 31, 2013, 04:47:53 PM »
I found it. Here's how it reads now.

“Your family must love you very much despite your actions as of late. According to this report you have lost everything and even stolen from them, friends and churches to support this gambling  . . . sickness.”

Offline bri h

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Re: Bet Your Life on Snake-Eyes // Spit-Fire, Flash-Fiction (456)
« Reply #9 on: August 31, 2013, 04:52:13 PM »
Like I said mate. I could be wrong? So see what the other 'techies' say before permanently removing it. I'll look later to see if I was right or
totally-mind-numbingly wrong. ha ha. B
Fare thee well Skip. We're all 'Keening' now. xbx

Offline 2par

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Re: Bet Your Life on Snake-Eyes // Spit-Fire, Flash-Fiction (456)
« Reply #10 on: August 31, 2013, 04:53:17 PM »
It didn't sound smooth to me, so I read it out loud and it still didn't sound right.

Yes, for a very short time, my younger sister had a problem with gambling. She got into real financial trouble. It can do one in just as much as any obsession.

Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: Bet Your Life on Snake-Eyes // Spit-Fire, Flash-Fiction (456)
« Reply #11 on: August 31, 2013, 05:06:32 PM »
Oh-oh, here's a good fix that makes him sound even more pathetic.

“Your family must love you very much despite your actions as of late. According to this report you have lost everything and even stolen from your mother, friends and churches to support this gambling  . . . sickness.”

There, problem solved and he's more of a looser.  ;D

Offline 2par

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Re: Bet Your Life on Snake-Eyes // Spit-Fire, Flash-Fiction (456)
« Reply #12 on: August 31, 2013, 05:56:33 PM »
loser

 :D :D :D

Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: Bet Your Life on Snake-Eyes // Spit-Fire, Flash-Fiction (456)
« Reply #13 on: August 31, 2013, 05:58:05 PM »
Okay!  ;D ;D no -no this guy is a looser-loser

Offline 2par

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Re: Bet Your Life on Snake-Eyes // Spit-Fire, Flash-Fiction (456)
« Reply #14 on: August 31, 2013, 06:06:12 PM »
As opposed to a tighter-loser?