Author Topic: A Movie With a Demon - Act One - Part One - First Draft  (Read 3024 times)

Offline Jackson_Leigh

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A Movie With a Demon - Act One - Part One - First Draft
« on: January 24, 2014, 11:40:46 PM »
This is my screenplay for A Movie With a Demon. This is only the first part to the first act, and I know it is a lot to read, but I wanted to give you gives vital information in the story to see if you want to read more. The story is about a teenage boy who is trying to film an original story to turn in for his final exam. What he doesn't know is that the house he is filming at is the same house that a young boy was possessed in. Him and his friends release the demon back into the house when they play with a Ouija board. Now it is a fight for their lives as the demon has trapped them in the house, killing them and wanting to possess another teenager. Hope you guys like it.

THE OPENING POSSESSION SCENE CUT - 2,000 WORD MAXIMUM

CUT TO:

INT. CLASSROOM - DAY - PRESENT DAY

PROFESSOR HILL writes the final notes on the board, turning around to his class.

PROFESSOR HILL

Entering the end of the semester, I want all of you to start preparing a film you will present for a final grade.

KIRK FULLER sits in the back of the class typing on his laptop.

PROFESSOR HILL (CONT'D)

All films must be at least sixty minutes in length, and turned in with a completed screenplay.

KIRK opening a new document, types the title page to his screenplay.

TEXT: SLASHER - WRITTEN BY - KIRK FULLER.

PROFESSOR HILL

Going back to what we were discussing, in what ways do early cinema actualities behave as documentaries.

The class remains silent.

PROFESSOR HILL

No one wants to answer, how about... Mr. Fuller?

KIRK

Yes sir?

PROFESSOR HILL

In what ways do early cinema actualities behave as documentaries?

KIRK

Well, actualities contain footage of real places and events, whereas a documentary is structured into a larger argument, making it a more coherent whole.

PROFESSOR HILL

Correct, glad to see someone is paying attention.

The bell rings.

PROFESSOR HILL

Every one don't forget about the quiz tomorrow.

KIRK packs his materials together, ready to leave the classroom.

PROFESSOR HILL

Mr. Fuller, can I see you for a moment?

KIRK

Absoluty.

PROFESSOR HILL

It is about your screenplay.

KIRK

Oh, I'm hoping that you liked it.

PROFESSOR HILL

I didn't.

KIRK

You didn't?

PROFESSOR HILL

No, it wasn't that it wasn't any good, it was that it was unoriginal. I can't tell you how many times I have seen a story like that.

KIRK stares blankly ahead.

PROFESSOR HILL

The classic romance story of a married guy and his mistress. You have to stop giving into these cliches. Have the story write itself.

KIRK

That is what I try to do.

PROFESSOR HILL

Well it isn't working. You have so much potential as a story writer, I know you have a story in you, and I want to see it.

KIRK

I will try my hardest, sir.

PROFESSOR HILL

You should, the final exam is only a month away. Take the time, come up with a story and get back to me.

KIRK

I will, sir.

PROFESSOR HILL

Don't let me down. Your final grade depends on this.

KIRK

I won't, and to be honest I think I might have an idea in my head.

PROFESSOR HILL

That's what I'm talking about. You can go now.

KIRK

Thank you, sir.

KIRK turns around and walks towards the door.

PROFESSOR HILL

Mr. Fuller?

KIRK

Yes, sir?

PROFESSOR HILL

Stay away from those cliches.

KIRK smiles and walks out of the classroom.

CUT TO:

INT. LUNCH ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

KIRK and NICOLE TAYLOR sit at a lunch table.

NICOLE

He seriously told you that your screenplay was no good?

KIRK

Not that is was no good, but that it was unoriginal.

NICOLE

So what you going to do?

KIRK

What can I do, I'm going to accept the bad grade, and produce something better for the final.

NICOLE

Any ideas yet?

KIRK

Well, I have this one idea.

NICOLE

What's it about.

KIRK

It's a horror film.

NICOLE

What kind of horror?

KIRK

What you mean, what kind of horror?

NICOLE

You know, you've got the supernatural, the ones' with all the demons, and then you got the slasher with the guys running around in masks killing people. And then --

KIRK

It's kinda a slasher.

NICOLE

A slasher, nice.

KIRK

And I was thinking about taking it back to like the 90s style, you know with the long chase scenes and such but kinda break the cliches of it.

NICOLE

Like SCREAM did?

KIRK

Yeah like that.

NICOLE

You got an idea for a main star?

KIRK

I don't know yet.

NICOLE

Every horror has to have the final girl, the lady in distress.

KIRK

And I guess that maybe you want the part?

NICOLE

Since you have offered, I'll take you up on that.

NICOLE takes a bite out of her apple. DAMIEN MONARO and TRAVIS WILLIAMSON joins the group.

DAMIEN

What we talking about?

NICOLE

Just about how Kirk has an idea for a movie and that he has a part for all of us.

TRAVIS

Cool, what kind of movie we talking about here?

KIRK

A horror movie, but I don't have the main details worked out yet. Just that it is a slasher.

NICOLE

Hey, Damien, you love horror so much, why don't you give him in idea?

DAMIEN

How about a group of teenagers stuck in the house with a serial killer.

TRAVIS

HALLOWEEN H20, already been done.

KIRK

See, I'm trying to avoid what's been done, and actually come up with something that's original.

DAMIEN

I think that if you work it just right, it will be something different.

KIRK

How so?

DAMIEN

Have the teenagers be in an abandoned house --

NICOLE

In the middle of nowhere?

DAMIEN

First break of the cliche, have the house right outside the neighborhood.

KIRK

Okay, continue.

DAMIEN

The group of teenagers are there for an extended weekend. And have the sex addicts be the two killers, cause everyone knows if you have sex in a horror movie, you die.

KIRK

So we turn the tables on them.

DAMIEN

Exactly.

TRAVIS

Okay, but what about the story?

DAMIEN

Hold on, I'm getting there. Get creative with it, other than the two sex addicts, have the other five, the main core of the group, represent one of the seven deadly sins.

KIRK

Like it.

NICOLE

And have each of them die, according to each sin.

DAMIEN

I think we just might have a good movie on our hands here.

KIRK

But first we will need the rest of the cast.

CUT TO:

INT. AUDITORIUM - LATER

COURTENEY ZIMMS sits on a chair in front of KIRK, TRAVIS, DAMIEN, and NICOLE.

KIRK

So what makes you think we should pick you for our movie.

COURTENEY

Being a big horror fan, I believe it would be perfect for me to star in your film.

KIRK

Is that so?

COURTENEY


Yes. I have studied film and acting during high school, and now this is my chance to finally put my talent to work.

NICOLE

And what is your favorite horror movie Courteney?

COURTENEY

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET.

NICOLE

Ha, I like that one myself. Do you mind acting out a scene for us?

COURTENEY

Sure.

COURTENEY acts out the final scene from A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET as HEATHER LANGENKAMP.

CUT TO:

INT. AUDITORIUM - MOMENTS LATER

SAMANTHA WILLIAMSON sits in front of KIRK and his friends. KIRK takes notes.

KIRK

Hello, and why do you think we should pick you for this movie?

SAMANTHA

Other than my brother dragging me here.

KIRK looks over to TRAVIS.

TRAVIS

Hey, we needed actors.

SAMANTHA

I guess I decided to do this for the money. Hard times you know.

KIRK

You do know that this will be a horror film right.

SAMANTHA

I'm fine with that as I get paid.

KIRK

Fair enough.

NICOLE

Can you act?

SAMANTHA

I was Juliet in my high school play.

CUT TO:

INT. AUDITORIUM - LATER

MICHAEL EDWARDS opens the door and walks into the auditorium.

MICHAEL

Is this the audition for the horror movie?

KIRK

Yes it is. Why should we pick you to be in our movie?

MICHAEL

Well, I have always wanted to do something different. I have studied acting, but I have never done it before --

KIRK

And what makes you think you can act now?

MICHAEL

I just think that if I put to work what I have learned, that maybe I can start to craft it and even turn it into a career.

KIRK

Okay.

MICHAEL

And this can be my starting point.

TRAVIS

Do you watch any scary movies, Michael?

MICHAEL

Yes I do.

TRAVIS

And do you get scared?

MICHAEL

Absoulty terrified.

CUT TO:

INT. AUDITORIUM - LATER

KIRK, NICOLE, DAMIEN, and TRAVIS sit around a table, notes infront of them.

NICOLE

We have Samantha, Courteney, and Michael.

KIRK

Yes, and we still need one more before we have our seven teenagers.

DAMIEN

And auditions are over, no one has came in, in like the past hour.

KIRK

I don't know what I am going to do.

TRAVIS

I have an idea, if you want to do it.

KIRK

What is that.

TRAVIS

Instead of having a big production crew, you can set up a few cameras around the house, and star in your own production.

DAMIEN

I like that, and with the multiple cameras, you can poke fun at the "shakey cam" horror movies we get nowadays.

KIRK

And will give a more realness to it. Let's do it like that.

KIRK writes it down in his notes.

KIRK (CONT'D)

Now all we got to do is get the location, and get to filming.

CUT TO:

INT. DORM ROOM - NIGHT

KIRK shaves his face. His hand slowly gliding the razor over his sideburns. A knock is heard from his front door. KIRK puts the razor down and walks out into the

MAIN ROOM

He opens the door to see no one there.

KIRK

Hello?

No response. KIRK shuts the door and returns to the

BATHROOM

Going back to shaving his face, he reaches the bottom part of his chin, when he hears LOUD T.V. static come from the other room, causing him to cut himself. KIRK puts a piece of toilet paper over the cut and walks out to the

MAIN ROOM

KIRK looks around the room to see no one there.

KIRK

C'mon what's the joke here?

KIRK reaches down to the coffee table for the remote and shuts off the T.V. He gets back up, turns around and bumps into NICOLE.

NICOLE

Boo!

KIRK

My God, what is wrong with you.

NICOLE


Calm down, it was a joke, and plus if you're gonna make horror then you got to get used to being scared once in a while.

KIRK

I was in the middle of shaving.

NICOLE


Doesn't matter, we found a house.

KIRK

Where?

NICOLE

Travis used to live next to this house for years, and the best part is, it is totally abandoned.

KIRK

Are you sure?

NICOLE

Yeah, Travis said the owners moved out years ago.

KIRK

That's all good, can I get back to shaving now?

NICOLE

You better hurry up, we are going down to the house tonight.

KIRK

Tonight? At this hour?

NICOLE

Yeah, what better time to scope out the place, gives it a horror feeling to it, don't you think.

KIRK

Yeah, whatever, I'll be ready in just a few.

NICOLE

Oh don't even shave, you kinda look sexy with that shaving cream look you got going on.

KIRK turns around and walks into the bathroom.

This is the end of the first part to ACT 1 of the story. Would love to hear what you guys think of it, and if you want to read more. Pleas comment and tell me what you think I should fix, considering this is the first draft.
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Offline kwsteller

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Re: A Movie With a Demon - Act One - Part One - First Draft
« Reply #1 on: January 29, 2014, 11:06:07 AM »
Jackson_Leigh

Within the first act of a screen play, the audience has to know who the characters are and why they are doing what they are doing.  It is the screenwriters position to convey, with minimul dialouge, the protagonist, the antagonist, and the plot.

I did not find any connection to your characters, the dialouge scratched only the surface of who the charcters are and their intent.  It was clear that  Kirk was writing for a final exam but I didn't care.  You need to make the audience care about what is happening or they will walk away.  I do understand that this is a first draft and you are testing the waters my best advice....

Keep plugging away!

kwsteller

Offline Chizzy

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Re: A Movie With a Demon - Act One - Part One - First Draft
« Reply #2 on: January 29, 2014, 01:01:26 PM »
Let me say upfront that I kinda like it.

However.

The pace is pretty much out of control, things are happening too quickly and robbing us of the chance to get to know the characters better, and while the idea of a horror movie about kids trying to make a horror movie seems good fun, there is a problem if you’re trying to have these characters break the clichés and come up with something original.

Quote
KIRK
It's kinda a slasher.

NICOLE
A slasher, nice.

KIRK
And I was thinking about taking it back to like the 90s style, you know with the long chase scenes and such but kinda break the cliches of it.

NICOLE
Like SCREAM did?

There's the start of the problem. Scream, as Nicole correctly spots, has already deconstructed slasher movies and played on the clichés. Scream 3, IIRC, was based around a director making a horror movie. So already it feels like you’re remaking Scream 3 but with kids as opposed to a proper director and stuff. Then we have the hidden camera device of Paranormal Activity. And then we have the deadly sin device of Se7en. And then we have the suburban setting of Halloween / Nightmare on Elm Street.

I don’t think having all these influences is in itself a huge issue. The problem arises in a couple of other shapes. Firstly, you don’t have Kris’s goal being to borrow elements from pop-culture horror movies in the attempt that it will wind up being an original whole (which sounds a bit like Cabin in the Woods). His goal is to destroy clichés and come up with something original. Secondly, you have a bunch of cine-literate characters who don’t seem to spot this difference.

Of course, I make these comments not knowing where the story is going. And I do quite like what you’ve written so far, the script made me smile, I like how you don’t go crazy with camera directions and stuff. I’m just not sure the self-imposed premise and restrictions of the film within a film hold water.

I’d read more.
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