Nor would readers have the patience to figure out what you are trying to say. The first sentence is excessively long. The subject changes from your protagonist's actions, to Gretchen leaving mail on his desk, to his pondering the bank statement, back to his actions. This is what's referred to as a run-on sentence (I think) because the subject keeps changing. One subject per sentence; that's an unbreakable rule.
I would suggest taking your time. Figure out what quintessential human emotion is driving the plot, and then work out a plot. It takes a lot of time, persistence and energy to write well. Stephen King said "the first million words are practice." And it's true. So, try not to get discouraged. Peruse the critiques on the boards and glean from them what you can. You'll find a list of good books on writing in a topic on the All The Write Questions board. (Sorry, don't remember the topic title.) Just peruse, ask questions, and keep trying to get it right. You can learn a lot here if you develope a thick skin.