Author Topic: The Kingdom of Childhood  (Read 1088 times)

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The Kingdom of Childhood
« on: July 26, 2013, 12:19:58 PM »
The lamppost peers through my window,
as the steeple of a church might.
The wind is hot, strange. It leaves me fractious and desperate.
Behind me is a doll, porcelain cheek
cracked as I march through a field of dead children.

Their pooling blood is my lipstick,
leaving my face saturated, the angles of my jaw
Crucifix-straight.
Somewhere ahead is Judas, my ungodly saviour
shredding a pink blanket.

Judas is sipping red wine,
the droplets falling from his mouth like blood into his stubble.
As we glide past the road hand in hand, cars
Push by, arising from a tunnel's dark eye
like infants from the womb.

His fluent hands are too big and
play me like a harp.
All night I cling to him as I
Ache with pleasure.
And when he's done, he lays beside me biting off the head of a dove. As
its entrails squirm along his chest,
I slip away. Silent as death.

In the cold garden, I am alone.
Somewhere in the distance I see The Kingdom of Childhood, a chapel
is on fire and my house is rubble on
the ground.
So I scoop up an opened flower and
Leave Judas behind.

Barefoot, I clutch a small butterfly and walk away


Thanks so much <3

Offline bri h

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Re: The Kingdom of Childhood
« Reply #1 on: July 26, 2013, 02:30:26 PM »
I have no idea what this is about . . . yet. But for now, I loved 'his fluent hands.' Well written IMO. B
Fare thee well Skip. We're all 'Keening' now. xbx

-_-

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Re: The Kingdom of Childhood
« Reply #2 on: July 26, 2013, 02:49:36 PM »
Thank you for the feedback :-) The poem is intended to be about the transition from childhood to adolescence or adulthood. 

Offline intercat

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Re: The Kingdom of Childhood
« Reply #3 on: July 26, 2013, 07:00:40 PM »
I really like this.

There are a couple of places where I think the language bleeds into the realm of overwritten.  In my opinion s2 would be stronger without "my ungodly saviour" (I love the imagery in "Somewhere ahead is Judas, / shredding a pink blanket" but the middle phrase throws it off); similarly I think s4 could do without "silent as death" -- "I slip away" shows the silence already, so I don't think you need to tell us.

Good stuff, I quite enjoyed!

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Re: The Kingdom of Childhood
« Reply #4 on: July 27, 2013, 05:23:36 PM »
Thankyou! :))