Author Topic: After the rain  (Read 3062 times)

Offline Mark T

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After the rain
« on: June 28, 2013, 03:15:46 PM »


After the rain

Stars fade,
Ice-wind draws breath,
pale dawn creeps hesitant.
Blue-washed sky,
water table serene,
nature refreshed.
Back to work -
glutinous mud on the site,
slither 4wd and diff-lock.


Offline bri h

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Re: After the rain
« Reply #1 on: June 28, 2013, 06:48:32 PM »
'Disco-dances,' the best kind.  ;D
Fare thee well Skip. We're all 'Keening' now. xbx

Offline AntonioM

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Re: After the rain
« Reply #2 on: July 04, 2013, 02:48:39 PM »
Hey, Mark. I think "ice-wind" is a little far fetched for rain and water??? what is the season? where is "the site?" This needs more information to carry a meaning, beyond " gosh, working in the mud is icky." imo

ARM
ARM

Offline bri h

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Re: After the rain
« Reply #3 on: July 04, 2013, 05:55:07 PM »
This IS about off-roading in a Landrover 'disco' isn't it Mark?
Fare thee well Skip. We're all 'Keening' now. xbx

Offline intercat

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Re: After the rain
« Reply #4 on: July 05, 2013, 01:54:59 AM »
my first thought reading this is that there's not much happening -- in the middle, there are five lines in a row without a verb.  maybe adjust the grammar to make the imagery a little more active?

Offline Mark T

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Re: After the rain
« Reply #5 on: July 05, 2013, 04:20:35 AM »
Thanks for comments. It's mostly observational so not much action. ARM, it's winter here in the southern Cape and the site is alongside a mountain range. Temperatures hover around zero during heavy weather, cold fronts that originate in Antartica. The wind howls, adding to the chill factor. There was some snow around last week too, so ice-wind is about right. Doesn't compare to NorHem winters but hey, this is supposed to be Africa.
Bri, the mud-sliding was the Kubota TLB, no Landrovers involved. I'm busy excavating for some ponds and a dam so things are messy. Been raining and drizzling on and off for a week now.

Here is a pic of what storm-wind did to my grow house a few seasons back. Click on it to enlarge. I have since rebuilt it myself, extra strong. That storm also destroyed a 10 000 m2 shade-cloth structure which was an absolute nightmare to untangle and dismantle. Fun and games on the farm.

« Last Edit: July 05, 2013, 06:14:03 AM by Mark T »

Offline tjm024

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Re: After the rain
« Reply #6 on: July 05, 2013, 02:58:24 PM »
Hi MarkT,  nice descriptives in this, and I'm glad you were able to rebuild :)

Offline bri h

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Re: After the rain
« Reply #7 on: July 05, 2013, 03:54:26 PM »
If its re-built and safer, I can move in at a moments notice, just say the word.(suddenly Mark loses the use of his vocabulary and his fingers are like thumbs) heh heh. B
Fare thee well Skip. We're all 'Keening' now. xbx

Offline Tom 10

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Re: After the rain
« Reply #8 on: July 09, 2013, 07:30:21 PM »

Hi Dude,
I like this.  It took me a while to get “glutinous”, I kept thinking gluttonous.  But you mean the real sticky dough or rice, right?  It works for mud with a serious clay content.  I’d suggest consider losing the word “pale” as that’s how every dawn starts and using the word contributes little.  I’d also suggest considering deleting the word “nature”.  If that big abstraction is gone, it’s the water table that is refreshed, and that works better in my view.  Last, you may want to type out “wd” – in reading it I have to pronounce it anyway and there is no suggestion then of just enunciating the letters.  Again, I like this piece.  Well done.

T

Offline bri h

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Re: After the rain
« Reply #9 on: July 10, 2013, 12:40:38 AM »
No. The 4wd has two meaning(I think)
4wd = forward.
And 4wd = four wheel drive.
For that reason alone it has to stay, IMO. B
Fare thee well Skip. We're all 'Keening' now. xbx

Offline Mark T

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Re: After the rain
« Reply #10 on: July 12, 2013, 01:28:11 PM »

Thanks for comments, Tom, Bri and rest. I wrote this on the bleary morning concerned - so it would probably benefit from a few tweaks. For some reason, no email notifications have been coming through from MWC. I'm busy in the evenings with a book edit of over 200 000 words so haven't been visiting here either. Going to have a look around now.

Offline Neghe

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Re: After the rain
« Reply #11 on: July 13, 2013, 10:12:55 PM »
See now I was thinking this was about an old has-been television starlet trying to dry out (again) in some Palm Desert holistic mud treatment spa.
“Poetry is what happens when nothing else can.”― Charles Bukowski

Offline xuducoluhu

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Re: After the rain
« Reply #12 on: February 04, 2022, 05:38:42 AM »
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