Author Topic: Then there were none.  (Read 1089 times)

Offline Dylan di Vilde

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Then there were none.
« on: May 14, 2013, 05:52:13 AM »
I just broke a cut crystal glass
now weve got an odd number alas
I thought it might play a nice tune
but I dinged it too hard with a spoon.

It belonged to a very posh set -
the best, at the time, you could get. 
A wedding gift brought to the door
by a high flying brother in law 
who of his success loved to shout 
by flashing his money about.

I said: We wont save em for best
but use em along with the rest.
Im not an inelegant bloke 
but still, one by one, they got broke.

Its not a significant crime
just a sign of the passage of time.
Like a knee giving way
or a hair turning grey
or accepting youre now past your prime.

Or wondering how you were so unaware
that something familiar is no longer there.
A state of unnoticed decay
as parts of your life drop away.
 
There used to be six
now there are three,
their clumsy destruction 
all down to me.

One day when Im gone
Therell be none.

Or perhaps just one.

- A memorial thing
that makes a nice ding.
« Last Edit: May 15, 2013, 04:14:04 AM by Dylan di Vilde »
Sweepings from the Factory Floor - New volume of poems available now at
https://www.feedaread.com/profiles/10661/

Offline Mark H

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Re: Then there were none.
« Reply #1 on: May 14, 2013, 03:22:08 PM »
Good.

Are you working up to another collection?
Buy Bristle Side Down, The Man Who Wore Brown Shoes and Middleclass Machismo here:
http://www.lulu.com/shop/search.ep?contributorId=570142

If poetry is not your thing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PueM04F0Qz8 or: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0Zm8cj9MGg

Offline bri h

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Re: Then there were none.
« Reply #2 on: May 14, 2013, 03:25:42 PM »
I always look forward to a 'Dylan.'
Fare thee well Skip. We're all 'Keening' now. xbx

Offline heidi52

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Re: Then there were none.
« Reply #3 on: May 14, 2013, 06:14:32 PM »
Always a pleasure to read your work, and I liked this, however the rhythm didn't quite work in a number of lines, and there's a repeat "of the" in S3 L2.

I know this is the gallery and I'm not supposed to crit, but you are usually so meticulous I thought you might like the feedback. Forgive me if you'd rather not.

Offline Dylan di Vilde

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Re: Then there were none.
« Reply #4 on: May 15, 2013, 04:15:56 AM »
Mark,
Im not working up another collection at the moment. Not as such.  Im a bit stuck for ideas. Hence the poems about old mattresses, drying paint and a broken wine glass.



Brian,
Cheers.


Heidi,
Youre right. I am normally so meticulous. Now I am guilty of gross meticulouslessness.

I shall take my revolver and a very large glass of scotch into the study.
     
In the meantime, after 24 hrs, Ive revised this. Like I should have done in the first place.


Thanks
DdV
Sweepings from the Factory Floor - New volume of poems available now at
https://www.feedaread.com/profiles/10661/

Offline Mark H

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Re: Then there were none.
« Reply #5 on: May 15, 2013, 06:04:05 AM »
Mark,
Im not working up another collection at the moment. Not as such.  Im a bit stuck for ideas.

Me too. Have been for years. It's quite annoying isn't it?
Buy Bristle Side Down, The Man Who Wore Brown Shoes and Middleclass Machismo here:
http://www.lulu.com/shop/search.ep?contributorId=570142

If poetry is not your thing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PueM04F0Qz8 or: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0Zm8cj9MGg