Author Topic: I hate them...  (Read 3678 times)

Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: I hate them...
« Reply #30 on: May 10, 2013, 06:58:31 PM »
I'm listening.  ;D

Offline junel

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Re: I hate them...
« Reply #31 on: May 10, 2013, 06:58:52 PM »
I have to agree with Sio, he, she, him, her aren't words that register much in the reader's mind anyway, they're just there, unless you have a ridiculous amount :-/

Offline bri h

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Re: I hate them...
« Reply #32 on: May 10, 2013, 07:32:38 PM »
hmm shvon, I seem to be getting the tenses now. All of your examples were in the past tense as in "ed." So if you'd put an "ing" on any of them would that then have put them in the present tense? Or have I missed this boat as well?  ;D
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Offline Don

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Re: I hate them...
« Reply #33 on: May 10, 2013, 08:32:52 PM »
Ma, do you have a sample paragraph you'd care to post?
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Offline Matt Walker

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Re: I hate them...
« Reply #34 on: May 11, 2013, 03:14:37 AM »
I too think we need to see a paragraph, Ma - you probably are worrying for nothing. Using he/she dispersed with your character names like in Sio's example is fine.

And Bri, gerunds (verb forms ending in ing) are tense-less, which is why some writers don't like them. They are used correctly in both past and present tense.
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Offline ma100

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Re: I hate them...
« Reply #35 on: May 11, 2013, 03:34:48 AM »
They are pretty much like Sio's example, but it seemed choc a block with them in places.

When your in you Mc's head it's not so bad, but when he's doing stuff with another character.  :o

He saw sixteen cats attacking the large dog.
Sixteen cats attacked the large dog.

or

He felt pain shooting up his arm.
Pain shot up his arm.


'he saw' dumping it and adding ed instead of ing. But when your in action it's a nightmare because you end up with names galore or all these flippin' he/hers/she/him.
« Last Edit: May 11, 2013, 03:46:57 AM by ma100 »

Wolfe

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Re: I hate them...
« Reply #36 on: May 11, 2013, 03:58:49 AM »
Didn't Wolfe or Phil touch on this at one point and say, sometimes He/She can't be avoided and you just use em as and when? Like they're not really bad guys?

This is true, but certain word repetition can draw attention to itself that's not needed nor desired.

The way you can fix this is to replace the personal pronouns, he and she, with the direct object instead. You'll make the direct object into the subject. This can be tricky because it could make the object appear disconnected from the actual person, so use with care.

For example, instead of writing 'He slapped her', you could replace it with 'His hand reached out and slapped her.' Again, use with care because the action can read disembodied or separate from the actual character.

Another way you can fix this is to cycle the person's name with the pronoun. This is called the 1-2-1 Method. For example, Dave did this. He then did this. And then, Dave did this again.

This method cuts down the pronouns and makes clear who is doing what since it clarifies the actor to the action.
« Last Edit: May 11, 2013, 04:07:34 AM by Wolfe »

Offline ma100

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Re: I hate them...
« Reply #37 on: May 11, 2013, 04:08:08 AM »
Doesn't the 1-2-1 method create another problem with so many names on the page? One day this writing lark will click in my head.

Wolfe

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Re: I hate them...
« Reply #38 on: May 11, 2013, 04:14:18 AM »
Not at all. It actually clarifies who does what. But, I'll admit things can start to get sketchy if you have more than three characters on a page. It's a reason you want only two characters interacting at a time.

You'll see this a lot in entertainment.

For example, in Martin's Game of Thrones most of the dialogue or action may have many characters around, but only two take center stage in any given scene. This is deliberate because it removes any confusion.

Here's an example of four characters in the same scene, but only two interact with each other at any given moment: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7w0WEia7i4

Again, this is deliberate and a savvy move on the writer's part.

Offline ma100

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Re: I hate them...
« Reply #39 on: May 11, 2013, 04:22:35 AM »
Thanks Wolfe. :-*

Offline bri h

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Re: I hate them...
« Reply #40 on: May 11, 2013, 05:19:57 AM »
Me too, Thanks Wolfe. And thanks for the exp Ma.
Fare thee well Skip. We're all 'Keening' now. xbx