Author Topic: I hate them...  (Read 3780 times)

Offline 2par

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Re: I hate them...
« Reply #15 on: May 10, 2013, 04:36:58 PM »
A jab in the ribs. . .  a claw with the brightly colored nails. . . a swipe of the spiked shoe from her upraised arm. . .a kick in his arse. . .  a good hard smack on her arse. . .  They went at it like a pair of kittens, neither causing major damage......

Offline ma100

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Re: I hate them...
« Reply #16 on: May 10, 2013, 04:59:05 PM »

A jab in the ribs. . .  a claw with the brightly colored nails. . . a swipe of the spiked shoe from her upraised arm. . .a kick in his arse. . .  a good hard smack on her arse. . .  They went at it like a pair of kittens, neither causing major damage......

But don't you see, all your examples would have him/her/he or she in amongst it. And that's what I have got too much of.

This editing lark clears up one issue and creates two more. :'(

Offline 2par

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Re: I hate them...
« Reply #17 on: May 10, 2013, 05:07:33 PM »
Yeah...it's almost impossible to avoid at least some of those.
Maybe have them call each other little pet names:  "sweetie pie". . . a jab in the ribs.
                                                                           "stud man" . . .  a stab with....etc.
« Last Edit: May 10, 2013, 05:12:41 PM by 2par »

Offline bri h

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Re: I hate them...
« Reply #18 on: May 10, 2013, 05:13:38 PM »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D
Fare thee well Skip. We're all 'Keening' now. xbx

Offline 2par

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Re: I hate them...
« Reply #19 on: May 10, 2013, 05:22:21 PM »
I may not always be very helpful, but I try.  Maybe my poor, ignorant tries will launch a spark that is all your own.

Offline bri h

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Re: I hate them...
« Reply #20 on: May 10, 2013, 05:48:03 PM »
I find you helpful. Stop putting yourself down. That's our job and so far we haven't had the chance, cos yer too nice.    :-* :)
Fare thee well Skip. We're all 'Keening' now. xbx

Offline ma100

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Re: I hate them...
« Reply #21 on: May 10, 2013, 05:56:59 PM »
Yes you do try 2 par. :-*

It's like an avalanche effect. Add names or pet names, then you get into that hornets nest.  :o


Offline 2par

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Re: I hate them...
« Reply #22 on: May 10, 2013, 05:58:05 PM »
Nice?  Nah-ah.  But after seeing all I have on this site, and the talents of all you people, I am truly humbled.

Offline 510bhan

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Re: I hate them...
« Reply #23 on: May 10, 2013, 06:04:41 PM »
Ma -- you're over-thinking and stressing too much. You'll end up sanitising the darn thing to 'perfection' and taking the guts out of it, which will mean you'll have to go back to loosen it up so that it's a relaxed read for your audience. :-\

Offline bri h

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Re: I hate them...
« Reply #24 on: May 10, 2013, 06:27:39 PM »
I really don't know how she found the time to write any of it, she spends that much time here, "organising, moaning and worrying." I bet she's got one of those 'Time-Spinner'-things off Harry Potter?
Fare thee well Skip. We're all 'Keening' now. xbx

Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: I hate them...
« Reply #25 on: May 10, 2013, 06:34:53 PM »
I think I understand what your saying Ma. I came across a portion of my story where all the He's stood out and just felt wrong by how often they were jumping off the page at me. But how to fix it, I have no idea.  ???

EDIT: and from what I can see it happens in narration.
« Last Edit: May 10, 2013, 06:36:34 PM by Skip Slocum »

Offline bri h

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Re: I hate them...
« Reply #26 on: May 10, 2013, 06:38:54 PM »
Didn't Wolfe or Phil touch on this at one point and say, sometimes He/She can't be avoided and you just use em as and when? Like they're not really bad guys?
Fare thee well Skip. We're all 'Keening' now. xbx

Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: I hate them...
« Reply #27 on: May 10, 2013, 06:47:34 PM »
Yes but when you see 12 he's in a single paragraph, that's a bit much.

Offline bri h

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Re: I hate them...
« Reply #28 on: May 10, 2013, 06:53:49 PM »
I don't think Ma would use 12 he/she's in a para, would she?
Fare thee well Skip. We're all 'Keening' now. xbx

Offline 510bhan

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Re: I hate them...
« Reply #29 on: May 10, 2013, 06:55:25 PM »
As loneg as they aren't all sentence openers they're fine. Add an action or position/time phrase to the front of some of them as a reasonable disguise.  ::)

EG Closer now, he smacked her face. She reeled back and kicked him as she fell. "You bastard, you'll be sorry for that." Any moment now, Fred knew the lamp would bounce off his head. A quick duck avoided the flying object Ma aimed at his head but it ricocheted off the wall and glanced his shoulder. Doubled over in pain, he cradled the weak arm while he looked for a weapon to retaliate. :-\ :-\ :-\
« Last Edit: May 10, 2013, 06:57:18 PM by 510bhan »