Author Topic: Comedy Sketch. Accident Liars for you  (Read 7860 times)

Offline fort street

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 48
Comedy Sketch. Accident Liars for you
« on: January 20, 2013, 09:18:58 AM »

                          ACCIDENT LIARS FOR YOU.
 Characters:     SARAH,     JOHN,   SIMON:   BUSINESS PROFESSIONALS:    SARAH CARRYS A FOLDER CONTAINING A NUMBER OF FILES. THEY ALL WALK IN A VERY SERIOUS AND DETERMINED WAY.
JOHN:    Have you had   an accident?
SARAH:   At work or at home?
SIMON:    In your car, on a road?
JOHN:    If you have.
SARAH:   We can help.
SIMON:      We are, ` Accident Liars for You.’
JOHN:    We can help by walking in a very determined way.
SIMON: We can help by staring intently at the camera.
SARAH:  We can help by walking and carrying a load of files: as if the laptop`s not been invented..
SIMON:   We are actors.
SARAH:  Actors providing a crucial service.

JOHN:    A service like not laughing at your stupid accident in the first place.
John:   I walk past a man teetering on tops of a pair of step   -ladders;   serious face. (   JOHN POINTS TO HIS FACE.)
SIMON    : I walk past a man in swimming trunks and snorkel attempting to weld the rear end of a number seventeen bus...
JOHN:  (CUTTING IN):  While it`s still running.
 SIMON:  Without even a grin.
SARAH:   And I walk past a man on top of a pair of stepladders, next to a swimming pool, using a chainsaw with the power cable wrapped around his neck: (SARAH WAVES THE FOLDER.)   
JOHN:    Seriously stupid accidents, like in an episode of casualty.
SARAH:   When an, in denial, almost blind alcoholic electrician   accidently fries his hostile step daughter.
SIMON: And he was only trying to mend the toaster.
JOHN:    See not a smile.
SIMON:  Because we can act.
SARAH:   Whiplash from opening a bag of cheese and onion crisps? We can put your case.
Simon:   Sincerely
JOHN:   Post traumatic stress after an incident with the hoover?
 Simon:  With integrity.
SARAH:  And three years at R.A.D.A
John:  Speech loss after licking a stamp.
SARAH: (Waving the files she`s carrying) Ta daa.
JOHN:  Method acting.
SIMON:  And by   striding, determinedly.
(  SARAH SLAMS THE FILES DOWN  ONTO A  TABLE  FILLED WITH BOTTLES OF WATER  ALL THREE GRAB A BOTTLEAND BEGIN DRINKING  AND POURING THE WATER OVER THEIR FACES AS IF THEY WERE MARATHON RUNNERS.)
JOHN: It’s harder to strap a lie detector on us.
Simon Produces a box with a strap on it and throws it over his shoulder.
JOHN    :  I`m incredible in bed.
SIMON:   I don`t do drugs.
SARAH:   I   didn`t get this job because of my looks.
JOHN: So remember if you`re really stupid.
SIMON:    If you just want to bleed someone dry.
Sarah: Contact Accident liars for you.
THEY FINALLY STOP WALKING JOHN STARTS RUBBBING HIS KNEE.
JOHN:   All this walking`s damaged my knee.
SIMON:  M y voice is starting to go.
SARAH:  (SHE BEGINS RUBBING HER ARM.)    These files get really heavy.
John:  I`m going to put a claim in.
Sarah: I` l be your witness.
SIMON: BEGINS POINTING TO HIS THROAT: AND `LOST VOICE’

Offline Chrissie

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1066
Re: Comedy Sketch. Accident Liars for you
« Reply #1 on: January 20, 2013, 11:35:15 AM »
                          ACCIDENT LIARS FOR YOU.
 Characters:     SARAH,     JOHN,   SIMON:   BUSINESS PROFESSIONALS:    SARAH CARRIES A FOLDER CONTAINING A NUMBER OF FILES. THEY ALL WALK IN A VERY SERIOUS AND DETERMINED WAY.
JOHN:    Have you had   an accident?
SARAH:   At work or at home?
SIMON:    In your car, on a road?
JOHN:    If you have.
SARAH:   We can help.
SIMON:      We are, ` Accident Liars for You.’
JOHN:    We can help by walking in a very determined way.
SIMON: We can help by staring intently at the camera.
SARAH:  We can help by walking and carrying a load of files: as if the laptop`s not been invented..
SIMON:   We are actors.
SARAH:  Actors providing a crucial service.

JOHN:    A service like not laughing at your stupid accident in the first place.
John:   I walk past a man teetering on tops of a pair of stepladders;   serious face. (   JOHN POINTS TO HIS FACE.)
SIMON    : I walk past a man in swimming trunks and snorkel attempting to weld the rear end of a number seventeen bus...
JOHN:  (CUTTING IN):  While it`s still running.
 SIMON:  Without even a grin.
SARAH:   And I walk past a man on top of a pair of stepladders, next to a swimming pool, using a chainsaw with the power cable wrapped around his neck: (SARAH WAVES THE FOLDER.)   
JOHN:    Seriously stupid accidents, like in an episode of Casualty.
SARAH:   When an, in denial, almost blind alcoholic electrician   accidently fries his hostile step daughter.
SIMON: And he was only trying to mend the toaster.
JOHN:    See not a smile.
SIMON:  Because we can act.
SARAH:   Whiplash from opening a bag of cheese and onion crisps? We can put your case.
Simon:   Sincerely
JOHN:   Post traumatic stress after an incident with the hoover?
 Simon:  With integrity.
SARAH:  And three years at R.A.D.A
John:  Speech loss after licking a stamp.
SARAH: (Waving the files she`s carrying) Ta daa.
JOHN:  Method acting.
SIMON:  And by   striding, determinedly.
(  SARAH SLAMS THE FILES DOWN  ONTO A  TABLE  FILLED WITH BOTTLES OF WATER  ALL THREE GRAB A BOTTLEAND BEGIN DRINKING  AND POURING THE WATER OVER THEIR FACES AS IF THEY WERE MARATHON RUNNERS.)
JOHN: It’s harder to strap a lie detector on us.
Simon Produces a box with a strap on it and throws it over his shoulder.
JOHN    :  I`m incredible in bed.
SIMON:   I don`t do drugs.
SARAH:   I   didn`t get this job because of my looks.
JOHN: So remember if you`re really stupid.
SIMON:    If you just want to bleed someone dry.
Sarah: Contact Accident liars for you.
THEY FINALLY STOP WALKING JOHN STARTS RUBBBING HIS KNEE.
JOHN:   All this walking`s damaged my knee.
SIMON:  M y voice is starting to go.
SARAH:  (SHE BEGINS RUBBING HER ARM.)    These files get really heavy.
John:  I`m going to put a claim in.
Sarah: I` l be your witness.
SIMON: BEGINS POINTING TO HIS THROAT: AND `LOST VOICE’


I like this - good irony and very current. I could see this sketch in a TV comedy sketch show, no problem. A bit of tigthening up maybe- not sure about the comments on being good in bed, drugs and being good looking - wasn't quite sure about the relevance but maybe I missed something in that. But good and funny!

Offline fort street

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 48
Re: Comedy Sketch. Accident Liars for you
« Reply #2 on: January 20, 2013, 12:58:47 PM »

 Thanks for commenting Chrissie, the good in bed , drugs and looks lines are meant to be examples of how  well or how difficult it is to catch them lying:E.T.C.   I suppose they are lines that can easily be dropped anyway with out losing much. So thanks for the comments they are well appreciated.

Offline Chrissie

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1066
Re: Comedy Sketch. Accident Liars for you
« Reply #3 on: January 20, 2013, 01:38:27 PM »
Hi again
Just another suggestion-to keep the scenarios ( ie the 'accidents') as succinct as possible. Like the 'whiplash from opening a packet of cheese and onion crisps'. That's short and funny and so has more impact than the longer ones, ie 'in denial alcoholic' and the person welding while wearing a snorkel. They're a bit too off the wall for me or too long. Short and snappy works better, imo. I get what you mean now with the 'good in bed' etc. I guess if they're winking to camera, say, then the point wouldn't be lost. Good stuff though.  :D

Offline fort street

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 48
Re: Comedy Sketch. Accident Liars for you
« Reply #4 on: January 20, 2013, 02:25:29 PM »

 Thanks Chrissie I`ll bear that in mind.

hillwalker3000

  • Guest
Re: Comedy Sketch. Accident Liars for you
« Reply #5 on: January 23, 2013, 07:34:09 AM »
I agree with the above - keeping it closer to potentially realistic claims will make this much more amusing. Someone driving a nail into their sandalled foot whilst laying down floorboards rather than a snorkelling diver welding a bus perhaps.

Two stepladders? Maybe a change in order.

But otherwise very witty.

H3K

Offline fort street

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 48
Re: Comedy Sketch. Accident Liars for you
« Reply #6 on: January 23, 2013, 01:07:16 PM »

 Thanks for the comments Hillwalker they are well appreciated. About the pair of step ladders thing . In the building trade people do refer to them as a pair of stepladders it`s one of those wierd things. I knew it looked odd  when  I was writing it. I`m in  Northern U.K. : Lancashire. But it felt equally odd writing step- ladders. It might just be a northern thing. Anyway thanks for the comments.

Pale Writer

  • Guest
Re: Comedy Sketch. Accident Liars for you
« Reply #7 on: January 23, 2013, 02:18:44 PM »
Hello

I've only written a few sketches, so am limited to what I can offer.  There are others here who I'm sure will offer more.

As I went through and pictured the scene I wanted to see a bit more 'directed movements' listed.  Some of the cases for example they handled, you could have them hold up one of the files with Bold Red Letters stating 'Filed for Plaintiff' or 'Judgement for Plaintiff' something to that effect to show they not only say they stand up regardless of the stupidity, but also say they 'win' have won.  Because I was picturing how they do those on the television ads and they seem to show their boasts of winning also.

You could even add a judge (dressed in wig and gown)  in the background hammering down, pointing to a faceless cutout of a 'defendant'   -  You have props, why not use the most out of them.

I know it is a sketch but even so, you want to attach more than words, statements if possible.  You could use a ladder, when the one talks about it, he can do so with one foot resting on a rung, the toaster, one pushing it down.  This participates the words with the actions.

Just a thought.  It has humour, but needs something more.

Pale

Offline fort street

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 48
Re: Comedy Sketch. Accident Liars for you
« Reply #8 on: January 23, 2013, 02:56:49 PM »

 I agree with you about the props, Pale. But I was getting a few sketches together to put on the Lazy Bee scripts  website. They seem to cater for the Amateur dramatic crowd so you`re forced to keep it fairly basic. If it was going on TV  I think I could do a lot more with it along the lines you say but for that market you`re forced to think  bare and basic. Thanks for taking time to comment .

hillwalker3000

  • Guest
Re: Comedy Sketch. Accident Liars for you
« Reply #9 on: January 23, 2013, 05:06:12 PM »
 :D

You misunderstood my reference to 2 stepladders:

Quote
John:   I walk past a man teetering on tops of a pair of step-ladders;   serious face. (   JOHN POINTS TO HIS FACE.)
SIMON    : I walk past a man in swimming trunks and snorkel attempting to weld the rear end of a number seventeen bus...
JOHN:  (CUTTING IN):  While it`s still running.
 SIMON:  Without even a grin.
SARAH:   And I walk past a man on top of a pair of stepladders, next to a swimming pool, using a chainsaw with the power cable wrapped around his neck: (SARAH WAVES THE FOLDER.)

So close together they were noticeable.

H3K

 

Offline nigelw

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 257
    • Nigel Williams
Re: Comedy Sketch. Accident Liars for you
« Reply #10 on: February 22, 2013, 07:28:36 AM »
I really enjoyed it because you've put into words what many of us think about those adverts. I always chuckle at the "Armegeddon moments" when they walk in a line towards the camera. An example of a cliche that works so well in comedy.

Offline AndyPNE

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 16
Re: Comedy Sketch. Accident Liars for you
« Reply #11 on: March 04, 2013, 10:29:42 PM »
I really like this. Its a brilliant parody. I had the voice of Christopher Morris going through my head as I read it. Its apears to me to be much like The IT Crowd or Dead Ringers style of Comedy.

newshmoo

  • Guest
Re: Comedy Sketch. Accident Liars for you
« Reply #12 on: March 25, 2013, 01:15:18 PM »
I loved this. Thought it was very funny. I like some of the imagery you used. I know the advert you have based it on, and your observations are spot on. I thought the end could be a little stronger, more of a punch, for the punch line, but I do really like what you have written. May be you could use the line 'Accident Liars for You' a bit more, like they constantly over use their tag line in the real advert?

Offline LC1

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 546
Re: Comedy Sketch. Accident Liars for you
« Reply #13 on: April 02, 2013, 03:41:06 PM »
Brilliant very funny