Author Topic: Short Story: A Duck's Sacrifice [903 words]  (Read 8630 times)

Offline InfranGilis

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Short Story: A Duck's Sacrifice [903 words]
« on: March 08, 2013, 10:58:56 AM »
Hi all, I'm fairly new to these forums and I just wanted to share with you my first attempt at short stories. I've written lots of screenplays before and I'm a blogger myself, so I just wanted to experience something new and challenging, and I think it's weird but I really find writing a short story is much more difficult than a screenplay.

This is the first story I attempted, you might ask: why a duck? And I'd say: that's a very good question. So, I'll leave you with the story. Cheers!

Our story begins in the magical forests where a duck was living along with her three children in a suburban area near the City. Every day the duck went to town and bought food for her three children and that has been the pattern of their everyday life, living happily together until that shadowy night…

It started as what appeared to be a normal day. The mother duck got up and woke her children for breakfast. Soon after, the mother decided that it was time to go to the City as usual and buy food for the next day. However, before walking out, she was stopped by the youngest of her children, Sophie…

Mom, I wish you would get me a present…” she said to the mother.

Me too!” shouted all the children at once.

After seeing their enthusiasm, she could only but smile at the innocence of her children.

How can I say no to them” she thought… “Very well, I promise to bring you the best gifts I can!

The children screamed and cheered at the delightful response they got. Excited, they could barely wait for the mother to return.

Bye mom! Stay safe, I love you!” said one of the children.

The mother was walking ever so happily, but soon, her train of thoughts was cut by a raging sound of thunder. She looked above and kept staring at the clouds, and as she lowered her gaze, she was shocked to a see a bloodthirsty wolf staring at her.

Oh no! What do I do now!” she thought.

Going somewhere?” the wolf says sarcastically as the hunger to strike the duck dwells within his thoughts.

No please don’t… I have children… they’re waiting for me…” the duck pleads.

Oh do you now.” The wolf responds decisively.

The duck could only fret as the wolf’s shadow of death covers her with his terrible fangs.

Time quickly passes, and the sun is almost set, and there were the children, patiently waiting in tears of excitement and joy as they wait for their mother’s return with gifts and food. But fate had decided otherwise…

As it was getting late, soon, the feelings of joy and happiness were quickly substituted for worry and sorrow.

Mom’s late… this isn’t like her…” said Sophie.

Maybe we should go look for her!” said one of the children.

You’re right… we should” said the eldest as they decided to go outside and look for their mother.

As they went out of the house, they stood their ever so shocked due to what they were seeing, their heart did not wish to believe what their eyes was seeing… a cold body, filled with open wounds and blood scattered everywhere… that… of their mother, laying… after a coldblooded attack… a cowards attack…

MOM!!” they shouted as they rushed towards their mother lying in a pool of her own blood… But shocked, were they as there was still some life left in her… somehow she had fought off the wolf and tried to come back and warn her children.… go back… i.. its.. not safe…” she warned the children, but they did not listen… they would not listen. They rushed towards their mother, and tried desperately to bring her back to the house.

But as they were occupied, they turned only to see their house surrounded by a pack of wolves, one, very familiar to the mother duck… it was the coward wolf that had once attacked the mother, and now returns to inflict death and finish where he once started… but this time with his entire pack as well.

Oh oh oh, what do we have here… going somewhere?” said the pack leader, the same wolf that had attacked the mother duck while grinding his teeth…

Then came the hardest of trials of the mother, where words would not escape her lips… only tears… tears she shed for the fate that she knew awaited her children… tears that dropped in the knowledge that her children loved her so much that they would not heed her warnings… only tears… only tears would fall…

But then happened the unexpected… Ruki, the eldest, bravest and most beautiful of her children, spoke, and where one flower should’ve fallen, there she stood, proud and strong in defiance of the pack’s tyranny, and an attempt to restore hope and wash away the teary eyes of her siblings.

Stop it all of you!” she screamed at the pack.

If you think that you can scare us by doing whatever it is that you are about to do, you’re wrong.

If this is really our end, then I am thankful to meet the end without regret, without anything…

The mother smiles, and tears keep falling down her face… and the children begin to tighten their grip and hold each other… crying… afraid but feeling overpowered by the words of Ruki.

And if this is really the end, then we will meet it with our pride and with our mother! And be grateful to meet it and we’ll make it such an ending, that it would shake the skies from above…

Upon hearing Ruki’s words, the children explode in tears… sorrowful tears… brave ones…

And as the wolves were getting prepared to attack, the pack leader shed a single tear… he could not stop  it… then commenced the attack… and along with his pack of wolves… slaughtered all.

Offline molark

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Re: Short Story: A Duck's Sacrifice [903 words]
« Reply #1 on: March 09, 2013, 06:49:07 AM »
Why is this story so peculiar? Could it have been written with, say, humans as protagonist? It very well could have. Then, why the ducks? In fact, there are many interesting and powerful stories of humans defying opposition by refusing to relent while facing death. I think of the Soviets during Stalingrad (horrible city name) or the other battles where they stood and fought off the Nazis. There are nasty events like the Japanese at Nanking, the Americans at Vietnam. The native people stood up. They stood and fought to the death. Your story, then, wants to poise a different value. What is it? And why the ducks? Is there a special meaning for 'gift'? However, let me leave by saying the writing is good, smooth, though I quickly ran through the middle to the incredible end. By the way, is it that the wolves attacked themselves - the wording makes it seem so?

Offline InfranGilis

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Re: Short Story: A Duck's Sacrifice [903 words]
« Reply #2 on: March 10, 2013, 12:11:51 PM »
Why ducks, I think it has a little to do with the fact that I could get away with a lot of things by substituting humans with ducks, for example had I written it with humans as the characters, I'd be getting lots of "you're EVIL!" whereas it's somehow like... less troublesome to some people if I massacre a family of ducks instead. Or, that it really started as an innocent children's story. But I just couldn't help myself  ;D.

The moral of the story, or what I tried to demonstrate or even challenge, was that sometimes death and sacrifice do not mean defeat in the sense that we see everyday (this is totally my opinion really) and that sometimes the good guys just don't win, not because they weren't brave enough, or strong enough, but because they just choose pride and love (the way that the children just wouldn't leave their mother to save themselves by ignoring her warnings and preferring death together with no regret, rather than "run away to fight another day").

Thanks for the feedback, really appreciate it, and I'm glad you liked it!

Offline molark

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Re: Short Story: A Duck's Sacrifice [903 words]
« Reply #3 on: March 10, 2013, 08:31:52 PM »
"the good guys just don't win, not because they weren't brave enough, or strong enough, but because they just choose pride and love"

What an excellent moral, value to promote. How could I miss that difference in my world? Thanks!