Author Topic: Too Good a Cover  (Read 6267 times)

Offline Chord

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Re: Too Good a Cover
« Reply #15 on: September 14, 2013, 12:26:11 PM »
JACK secretes a cigarette and lights it up.

'secretes' means 'hides', it doesn't work.


How on earth does Jack know that William has an audition? Is he his agent? And he knows he's going to have an auditions with MI6 people? Sorry but it's too much of a stretch.

The whole audition thing for such an established actor is a bit of a stretch too, as I believe has been mentioned. Why not just arrange a meeting, a straight meeting. Make it mysterious, add tension, have William ask Jack if he's heard of these people. Say 'if it wasn't for X setting up the meeting I wouldn't go' where X is an actor colleague or agent. You'll get more mileage out of going that way than stretching the credulity of the reader.

Ok, you need to go into the mind of directors here. Lots of them dream of working in Hollywood. It's where their dream future lies. Slagging Hollywood off is a particularly bad idea because they won't be comfortable with it. Actors slagging off film work, saying the stage/TV/the pub is their home, yes. Slagging off Hollywood - I wouldn't do it. Ok, it's small minded and petty, but you're not likely to have a top-rank director on this, it'll be a scared newbie. Think about it.

Otherwise, it's coming along well.
With a fat friend there is no such thing as a see-saw, only catapults.

Offline BrazenStudent

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Re: Too Good a Cover
« Reply #16 on: September 14, 2013, 12:34:48 PM »
JACK secretes a cigarette and lights it up.

'secretes' means 'hides', it doesn't work.


How on earth does Jack know that William has an audition? Is he his agent? And he knows he's going to have an auditions with MI6 people? Sorry but it's too much of a stretch.

The whole audition thing for such an established actor is a bit of a stretch too, as I believe has been mentioned. Why not just arrange a meeting, a straight meeting. Make it mysterious, add tension, have William ask Jack if he's heard of these people. Say 'if it wasn't for X setting up the meeting I wouldn't go' where X is an actor colleague or agent. You'll get more mileage out of going that way than stretching the credulity of the reader.

Ok, you need to go into the mind of directors here. Lots of them dream of working in Hollywood. It's where their dream future lies. Slagging Hollywood off is a particularly bad idea because they won't be comfortable with it. Actors slagging off film work, saying the stage/TV/the pub is their home, yes. Slagging off Hollywood - I wouldn't do it. Ok, it's small minded and petty, but you're not likely to have a top-rank director on this, it'll be a scared newbie. Think about it.

Otherwise, it's coming along well.

Thanks  ;D

Well, I was thinking of having William take on the audition as, even though he is an established actor, I was planning to make him appear somewhat washed-up. However, this is probably a better idea. Thanks, Chord ^^

Offline Alice, a Country Gal

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Re: Too Good a Cover
« Reply #17 on: September 14, 2013, 02:11:42 PM »
Guidelines for Review My Script:
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