Author Topic: I Swear, wip, 8th edit, #106, 1372 words, mild swearing plus one F word  (Read 27523 times)

Offline 510bhan

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 63305
  • So many jobs to do . . .
Re: I Swear (part 1), wip, 5th edit, #54, inc intro, 1488 words, mild swearing
« Reply #60 on: January 01, 2013, 09:07:59 AM »
Just checking what I wrote in my last post -- told you I was no expert -- and I think it's maybe a syntax issue. ;)

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20061222213318AAMSvWM

Offline bri h

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 18523
Re: I Swear (part 1), wip, 5th edit, #54, inc intro, 1488 words, mild swearing
« Reply #61 on: January 01, 2013, 09:14:16 AM »
were you pished when you sent it like? I didn go up till after 5am,We partied like it was 1995, ha ha, but only till 3, am still knackered but good, not knackered like I'd just gone a round with mam tryin to wash me gob! ha ha.(gawd I miss her still). x
Fare thee well Skip. We're all 'Keening' now. xbx

Offline bri h

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 18523
Re: I Swear (part 1), wip, 5th edit, #54, inc intro, 1488 words, mild swearing
« Reply #62 on: January 01, 2013, 09:17:22 AM »
Vicky being our first foot, she was sooooo nervous cos she always wants it to be perfect, its part of her asbergers. But she flawlessly did well.

http://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?v=10200218564892034&set=vb.1389686526&type=2&theater

That doesnt look like a normal blue-link thingy!
Fare thee well Skip. We're all 'Keening' now. xbx

Offline 510bhan

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 63305
  • So many jobs to do . . .
Re: I Swear (part 1), wip, 5th edit, #54, inc intro, 1488 words, mild swearing
« Reply #63 on: January 01, 2013, 09:29:33 AM »
were you pished when you sent it like? I didn go up till after 5am,We partied like it was 1995, ha ha, but only till 3, am still knackered but good, not knackered like I'd just gone a round with mam tryin to wash me gob! ha ha.(gawd I miss her still). x

No -- trying to reinstall Windows in my daughter's laptop. ;D Such excitement. ::)

Offline bri h

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 18523
Re: I Swear (part 1), wip, 5th edit, #54, inc intro, 1488 words, mild swearing
« Reply #64 on: January 01, 2013, 09:46:14 AM »
whas the problem like?
Fare thee well Skip. We're all 'Keening' now. xbx

Offline 510bhan

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 63305
  • So many jobs to do . . .
Re: I Swear (part 1), wip, 5th edit, #54, inc intro, 1488 words, mild swearing
« Reply #65 on: January 01, 2013, 11:22:38 AM »
Seems to have died . . . playing with a recovery disk but it never gets any further than the part where you select the partitions. >:(

Offline bri h

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 18523
Re: I Swear (part 1), wip, 5th edit, #54, inc intro, 1488 words, mild swearing
« Reply #66 on: January 01, 2013, 11:25:56 AM »
sounds like a return to the shop is on the cards cos theres a bug in the systm! Or get gyp to advise, he's quite good with techie stuff like this. x
Fare thee well Skip. We're all 'Keening' now. xbx

Offline protekme

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 441
Re: I Swear (part 1), wip, 4th edit, #45, inc intro, 1508 words, mild swearing
« Reply #67 on: January 01, 2013, 12:34:41 PM »


came back to modify and send a message to nic, thanks for the input and I told you when you came here what it was like re support and good help. Lastly, my Daughter is in Mexico at the minute(I think) She got mugged in Cochabamba, Is that near you? Happy New Year nic, respec bri.

Cochabamba is not in Mexico; never heard of it. I ckd it out. It is in Bolivia.
Get a good rest and be ready for my text. I'm giving it a last look and will send it sooooon . . .

Your text looks a lot better, Bri. A quick revision for now. I'll get to it later.

You still have to watch for commas and periods. When it is a full sentence, done with, you end it with a period, semi-colon or colon when there is an enumeration.

She dragged me across the yard, past the coal-house and to the back steps, . I was blubbering . . .

Why a comma after yard? Skip across the yard and you'll see how it reads: she dragged me past the coal-house or she dragged me behind ..... (there would be no comma) Unless you meant to say passed (a verb).

She dragged me across the yard, passed the coal-house and reached the back step.
Or
She dragged me across the yard past the coal-house to the back steps.

perfumed and refreshing, then Carbolic was the total opposite. : Blocky, rough, smelling of disinfectant, (enumeration)

I could tell Mam meant business because she took the dirty plates out of the sink and smashed them to the floor in temper, . oh Gawd, I was in trouble, .  I just stood looking at her . . . After temper, your sentence is complete. Oh Gawd, I was in trouble. (this is a independent sentence on its own)

-- People are usually more convinced by reasons they discovered themselves than by those found by others 
-- I have made this letter longer than usual only because I had no time to make it shorter
              Blaise Pascal

Offline bri h

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 18523
Re: I Swear (part 1), wip, 5th edit, #54, inc intro, 1488 words, mild swearing
« Reply #68 on: January 01, 2013, 12:43:59 PM »
Thanks for the advice protek, I see what you mean about the commas and periods, I'm working on improving my use of puncts, but its hard man! ha ha. I dont know what "enumeration" means? I'm taking a guess its something to do with the numbers of something, but I dont know what?  bri
Fare thee well Skip. We're all 'Keening' now. xbx

Offline 510bhan

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 63305
  • So many jobs to do . . .
Re: I Swear (part 1), wip, 5th edit, #54, inc intro, 1488 words, mild swearing
« Reply #69 on: January 01, 2013, 12:45:21 PM »
I think this is a list [requiring separation by commas] of all the separate places his mum dragged him past to get him from where he was to the house and the scullery.

She dragged me across the yard, past the coal-house and to the back steps. I was blubbering . . .


Offline bri h

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 18523
Re: I Swear (part 1), wip, 5th edit, #54, inc intro, 1488 words, mild swearing
« Reply #70 on: January 01, 2013, 12:52:56 PM »
I still dont get it. But I see now I dont need the comma between yard and to. Something more for me to look at(Will it never end? Woe is me! ha ha) resp, bri
Fare thee well Skip. We're all 'Keening' now. xbx

Offline 510bhan

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 63305
  • So many jobs to do . . .
Re: I Swear (part 1), wip, 5th edit, #54, inc intro, 1488 words, mild swearing
« Reply #71 on: January 01, 2013, 01:06:24 PM »
You could have a comma if you choose to express the mention of 'past the coal house' as parenthesis -- an aside, extra info.

She dragged me across the yard, past the coal-house, and to the back steps.

In effect this then says: She dragged me across the yard (past the coal-house which happened to be en route) and to the back steps. :D

See how the little marks are VERY important?

And as protekme suggests:

She dragged me across the yard, passed the coal-house and reached the back step.
Or
She dragged me across the yard past the coal-house to the back steps.


Or . . . another way: She dragged me across the yard and passed the coal-house to reach the back step. ;D
She dragged me across the yard and past the coal-house to reach the back step


You have to decide what picture you want the reader to see. ;D ;D ;D

Offline bri h

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 18523
Re: I Swear (part 1), wip, 5th edit, #54, inc intro, 1488 words, mild swearing
« Reply #72 on: January 01, 2013, 01:14:17 PM »
Well actually if you must know, she didnt drag me across the yard at all! She took me by the hand, told me what a good boy I was for upsetting the shitey, obnoxious man next door who she hated, gave me a shilling for sweets and took me to The Regent Cinema to watch Mary Poppins! ha ha.

she dragged me across the yard past the coalhouse to the steps.
 I may in the next few hours take out the coalhouse cos on reflection, its not needed
(I can see phil right this minute noddin his head sayin " I told ya! I friggin told ya!") ha ha. love from me.
Fare thee well Skip. We're all 'Keening' now. xbx

Offline Clarius

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1604
Re: I Swear (part 1), wip, 5th edit, #54, inc intro, 1488 words, mild swearing
« Reply #73 on: January 01, 2013, 01:43:15 PM »
Don't forget the importance of commas. The Anglo-Irish revolutionary Roger Casement was hung because of one.

"she dragged me across the yard past the coalhouse to the steps" - the yard is situated beyond the coalhouse

"she dragged me across the yard, past the coalhouse, and up the steps." - the yard, the coalhouse, the steps
O wad some Pow'r the giftie gie us
To see oursels as others see us

 - Robert Burns

Offline bri h

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 18523
Re: I Swear (part 1), wip, 5th edit, #54, inc intro, 1488 words, mild swearing
« Reply #74 on: January 01, 2013, 01:46:49 PM »
was he dragged across the yard for swearin at his ma like? laf. b
Fare thee well Skip. We're all 'Keening' now. xbx