Author Topic: My first ever attempt at this...  (Read 11225 times)

Offline Angeleyes

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My first ever attempt at this...
« on: September 10, 2006, 10:12:14 AM »
Hi. I'm not sure if I have anything here. Script writing is something I have wanted to try for a long while. As yet there isn't much dialogue, it's more setting the scene.
Any pointer in the right direction would be really great. If it's rubbish, let me know where I have gone wrong. Thanks.


FADE IN:
(IT’S DECEMBER 24TH AT 6PM. SNOW IS BEGINNING TO FALL.
COLIN IS WORKING IN A SMALL GARAGE. HE IS WORKING UNDERNEATH AN OLD FORD FIESTA. ALL YOU CAN SEE ARE THE ENDS OF HIS LEGS. NO-ONE ELSE IS AROUND. A NEON LIGHT THAT SAYS ‘MERRY CHRISTMAS’ FLICKERS IN THE DIRTY WINDOW OF THE GARAGE. MUSIC CAN BE HEARD IN THE BACKGROUND. ‘DRIVING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS’ BY CHRIS REA IS PLAYING. )
COLIN : Oh for Gods sake!

HE APPEARS FROM UNDER THE CAR AND TURNS OFF THE RADIO.
COLIN : (Laughing to himself) Well, no-one is going to be driving you home for Christmas, that’s for sure. (He kicks the tyre.)
A WOMAN APPEARS AT THE DOOR OF THE GARAGE. COLIN LOOKS STARTLED.
COLIN: Can I help you?
SOPHIE : Well, I wasn’t sure if anyone would still be working now. Especially as its Christmas Eve.
COLIN : (GRUNTS) Not all of us have families to go home to.

SOPHIE : I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to……what I meant was…I mean, my car has packed up. It just stopped dead just down the road. Do you think you’d be able to have a look at it?
COLIN : (STILL WIPING HIS OILY HANDS ON THE RAG) Sure. I’ll take a look.
SOPHIE : Oh, thank you. You’re my knight in shining armour.
COLIN : I haven’t fixed it yet!
SOPHIE GIGGLES AND TURNS HER FACE AWAY FROM COLIN.

   

FADE IN:
THE HIGH STREET. CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS CAN BE SEEN GLOWING SOFTLY. THE SNOW IS BEGINNING TO GET HEAVIER.
May all your dreams come true.

Whether you think you can, or think you can't....you're right!
-Henry Ford.

Offline Katie S

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Re: My first ever attempt at this...
« Reply #1 on: September 11, 2006, 01:43:27 AM »
for someone who has never done this, WOAH that was amazing. well look who's talking haha i stink HA. :-\
Hey is this thing on? hello? oh you just don't wanna listen to me o.0

Offline Spherical Time

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Re: My first ever attempt at this...
« Reply #2 on: September 11, 2006, 02:07:13 AM »
Your sense of the scene is very good, and I think that you convey it very well.  At the beginning of scripts, often writers give a description of their characters' appearances, and I'd really like to see some introduction of Sophie and Colin.  Is Sophie a teenager, and is Colin a middle-aged man?  Can you say what they look like?

Offline Angeleyes

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Re: My first ever attempt at this...
« Reply #3 on: September 11, 2006, 05:29:41 AM »
for someone who has never done this, WOAH that was amazing. well look who's talking haha i stink HA. :-\

Thanks Katie, you're a sweetie! I'm sure you work doesn't stink!
May all your dreams come true.

Whether you think you can, or think you can't....you're right!
-Henry Ford.

Offline Angeleyes

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Re: My first ever attempt at this...
« Reply #4 on: September 11, 2006, 05:35:53 AM »
Your sense of the scene is very good, and I think that you convey it very well.  At the beginning of scripts, often writers give a description of their characters' appearances, and I'd really like to see some introduction of Sophie and Colin.  Is Sophie a teenager, and is Colin a middle-aged man?  Can you say what they look like?

Thank you so much Spherical Time (great name!). Do you know if you describe the character as he is mentioned, for example:
HE APPEARS FROM UNDER THE CAR AND TURNS OFF THE RADIO. HE IS THIRTY ONE YEARS OLD HAS  MESSY, SHOULDER LENGTH HAIR AND A STUBBLY BEARD. HIS DIRTY WHITE T-SHIRT SHOWS OFF HIS TONED PHYSYQUE.

Or, something like that? And do you do that for every new character who is introduced? Sorry for asking so many questions.


May all your dreams come true.

Whether you think you can, or think you can't....you're right!
-Henry Ford.

Dave Driver

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Re: My first ever attempt at this...
« Reply #5 on: September 11, 2006, 07:24:53 AM »
I enjoyed it and would like to know more.

Who is she?

Where`s she going?

Is there going to be a brutal murder?

Is she a vampire?

Enough questions! Well done.

Dave

Offline ChipTee

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Re: My first ever attempt at this...
« Reply #6 on: September 11, 2006, 11:38:20 AM »
Angeleyes - yes, you do have something here; a great opening with a lot of atmosphere and throwing up the challenge of where it will lead us.

As ever there are format points, but they can wait as it is already recogniseable as a script. There is a current debate going on in the Script Factory daily Screenwriting Bulletins about the use of capitals in a script - with more than one opinion.

Like it, Chip

Offline Angeleyes

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Re: My first ever attempt at this...
« Reply #7 on: September 11, 2006, 12:46:35 PM »
I enjoyed it and would like to know more.

Who is she?

Where`s she going?

Is there going to be a brutal murder?

Is she a vampire?

Enough questions! Well done.

Dave

Thanks for liking it Dave! But what have you gone and done to me?.. Only given me more ideas than I can cope with!lol. It's a scene taken from my childrens book, but the idea of a brutal murder or vampires seems a lot more interesting!!Hhmmm, off now to have a re-think....thanks again!
May all your dreams come true.

Whether you think you can, or think you can't....you're right!
-Henry Ford.

Offline Angeleyes

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Re: My first ever attempt at this...
« Reply #8 on: September 11, 2006, 12:49:50 PM »
Angeleyes - yes, you do have something here; a great opening with a lot of atmosphere and throwing up the challenge of where it will lead us.

As ever there are format points, but they can wait as it is already recogniseable as a script. There is a current debate going on in the Script Factory daily Screenwriting Bulletins about the use of capitals in a script - with more than one opinion.

Like it, Chip

Hi Chip, and thank you so much for your input. It's the formatting I think I'm having problems with.

The Script Factory daily Screenwriting Bulletins sound interesting. Where can I go to read them? The more info I can collect, the better!

Cheers Chip.   :D
May all your dreams come true.

Whether you think you can, or think you can't....you're right!
-Henry Ford.

Offline ChipTee

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Re: My first ever attempt at this...
« Reply #9 on: September 11, 2006, 01:25:31 PM »
Angeleyes,

Re: Scriptfactory - I get a little muddled which organisation is which, but you could lokk at:

www.scriptfactory.co.uk
www.screenwriterstore.co.uk

I think the screenwriter bulletin is a cooperation between the two. I think I pay for it! Much in it is of little interest, but it flags up training courses, books and debates on such as formating. Also (when your script is written) requests for - mostly short - scripts. I regularly send off -  and never hear anything!

There is also www.npa.org.uk - although it is the New Producers Alliance it also covers writers.

All those mentioned above organise courses on screenwriting. Some are good, all cost.

If you look on Amazon there are many books on screenwriting. Others may be able to advise what is best.

Hope this doesn't overwhelm you.  Chip


Offline Angeleyes

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Re: My first ever attempt at this...
« Reply #10 on: September 11, 2006, 03:08:30 PM »
Thanks again Chip, I will give the sites a look.  ;D

I'm not sure if I'm in way over my head, but I find this sort of writing more enjoyable. So who knows where I might end up.
May all your dreams come true.

Whether you think you can, or think you can't....you're right!
-Henry Ford.

Offline Katie S

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Re: My first ever attempt at this...
« Reply #11 on: September 11, 2006, 08:07:35 PM »
Thanks Katie, you're a sweetie! I'm sure you work doesn't stink!
lol it does i stink i just made this dumb poem called the lonely soul HAHA...
Hey is this thing on? hello? oh you just don't wanna listen to me o.0

Dave Driver

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Re: My first ever attempt at this...
« Reply #12 on: September 12, 2006, 04:28:58 AM »
Angeleyes

That`s just typical,a childrens book and I`m thinking a brutal murder.Sorry!!

When I read it,it conjured up a scene in my head about a killer or a vampire.I think there`s a lot of
scope with vampires.They can be cool,sexy,brutal and kind.I got some ideas written down on a vampire themes myself  but haven`t done anything with them yet and could also pass on a few websites if your interested.

She could belong to a vampire sect or could be escaping from them.

But wait...no..he could be the killer or the vampire!!!!

I`m going before you shout at me.

Dave

Offline Angeleyes

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Re: My first ever attempt at this...
« Reply #13 on: September 12, 2006, 11:23:01 AM »
 ;D ;D ;D ;D

You know Dave. I am seriously thinking of changing what i was going to write now. Vampires are sooooo much more interesting to read and write about. I don't know if you know a member called Grognoth, but he wrote a fantastic story about vampires. If you want, I will PM the link to his website. It really is worth a read if you like that sort of thing!
I'd like to take you up on the offer of the websites you know of! Thanks for that.  ;D



Quote
She could belong to a vampire sect or could be escaping from them.

But wait...no..he could be the killer or the vampire!!!!

Hehe, that's what I like.....keeping people guessing!  :D
May all your dreams come true.

Whether you think you can, or think you can't....you're right!
-Henry Ford.

Dave Driver

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Re: My first ever attempt at this...
« Reply #14 on: September 12, 2006, 02:17:10 PM »
Angeleyes

I`d like to check out Grognoth`s website so go ahead with that.

Vampires are cool,there`s so much scope to go at.

I`ve got a few ideas of my own,but I`m going to finish my ongoing project first.

I think a new approach would work,Hammer`s old hat and Buffy and Angel style has already been done.

Anne Rice seems top of the tree in the novels.

Here`s a few websites:

www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/vampire

excellent for research of vampire lore and tales from other countries.

www.vampires.nu/

Another good site with a section on vampires terms.Which is useful for correct wording.

Found these but my french and german are c**p.

www.vampires-fr.com/

www.vampires.at/

Hope this helps you out.

Beware when using public transport.Psychic vampires travel on them everyday,draining people`s minds.

Goodluck

Dave

P.S.
Becareful where you tred in the vampire world,you only have 8 pints of blood.