Author Topic: STARS  (Read 1544 times)

Offline AzureLady

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STARS
« on: September 04, 2006, 10:20:14 PM »
STARS

Stars, Moon
Hope is like that
Obligations-Real-Love-Concern-Compassion-Passion
Love hurts like that
Is it better to have lost love, than to have never loved at all
The lives we touch
Good-bad-what kind of impression did we leave
Do we care - Does it hurt
Can we play - Do I want to
It hurts too bad - Is it worth all the hurt
Deception-tears-running away
Who am I - What am I to someone else
Do I count - Is it about me - How do I feel about me
What do people see when they look at me
What do I want them to see - Believe in me
Itís not about me - Itís not about you
Itís about who we become
What is right, is who we are and what we stand for
Apart of me will die, the day I let you go
But who am I?

Offline adinatale

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Re: STARS
« Reply #1 on: September 04, 2006, 10:54:23 PM »
AzureLady,

I liked your poetry.  The questions seems to hit some deep chord that's probably universal.  I'm not a critic, especially of poetry because of its subjectivity.  But for all its worth, here goes:  when I read your poetry again, I questioned the title, "Stars".  It was only mentioned once.  Some connection seems to be missing. 

AD

Offline Big T

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Re: STARS
« Reply #2 on: September 05, 2006, 04:06:02 AM »
AzureLady,
Read this through again and replace all the 'we' with the word I, it made a difference to me, like to know what you think?
T
Big T  :o

Offline Amie

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Re: STARS
« Reply #3 on: September 05, 2006, 04:57:47 AM »
adinatale, I should probably let azurelady answer your question, but I can see lots of links in to stars

stars appear to be a permanent, but they are always changing, moving away from us.  People look to the stars for clues about their existence (from philosophers to astrologers to myth-makers to scientists, etc).  The poem has a lot of questions about the self: Who am I?  Why am I here?  Where am I going?  Do I matter?  You're right, these are universal questions.  As we grow out of childhood (or even before), most of us begin to realise that there is a world outside our heads, that others have felt/wondered/experienced the same things we have.  And then you realise (just as stated in the poem), it's not even about other people, or this earth - What about the World Beyond?  What does it all mean? -- And the stars are a reminder that we are part of a universe that is so much grander than we can probably even conceive.  And then there's the fact that we've all come from the stars, every atom in our body was ultimately forged in a star, so although we are fleeting, ephemeral and unfathomably insignificant, in another way we are connected to and as enduring as the universe.

Or I could be talking out of my arse, that often happens too.
« Last Edit: September 05, 2006, 05:04:03 AM by Saturnine »
"You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet." - Kafka

wizard7wolf

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Re: STARS
« Reply #4 on: September 05, 2006, 08:40:46 AM »
I like the poem but must agree with others about title and changing we to I

wizard7wolf

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Re: STARS
« Reply #5 on: September 05, 2006, 08:41:28 AM »
No wait scrub that
I like it the way it is
 ;D

Offline Amie

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Re: STARS
« Reply #6 on: September 05, 2006, 09:42:45 AM »
Oi wizardwolf, I never said anything about changing the title. In fact, I babbled on quite extensively about why the title was right on the money.
"You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet." - Kafka

Offline iCeFaiRy

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Re: STARS
« Reply #7 on: September 05, 2006, 09:56:53 AM »
Hmm, want to comment, but so much has been said already.  :)

I read this aloud in my head, and it sounds rushing. Bombarding my mind with questions. Good tone for this poem!

Btw, I agree with Saturnine.  ;D

~Tortoise~

PS: I also think that changing the word "we" into "I" will make it even more personal and consistent.  :)
The writer's job is not to judge, but to seek to understand. (Ernest Hemingway)

Wisdom has its root in goodness, not goodness its root in wisdom. (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

A loving heart is the truest wisdom. (Charles Dickens)

Offline adinatale

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Re: STARS
« Reply #8 on: September 09, 2006, 12:42:55 AM »
Saturnine,

stars appear to be a permanent, but they are always changing, moving away from us.  People look to the stars for clues about their existence (from philosophers to astrologers to myth-makers to scientists, etc).  The poem has a lot of questions about the self: Who am I?  Why am I here?  Where am I going?  Do I matter?  You're right, these are universal questions.  As we grow out of childhood (or even before), most of us begin to realise that there is a world outside our heads, that others have felt/wondered/experienced the same things we have.  And then you realise (just as stated in the poem), it's not even about other people, or this earth - What about the World Beyond?  What does it all mean? -- And the stars are a reminder that we are part of a universe that is so much grander than we can probably even conceive.  And then there's the fact that we've all come from the stars, every atom in our body was ultimately forged in a star, so although we are fleeting, ephemeral and unfathomably insignificant, in another way we are connected to and as enduring as the universe.

Thank you.  I ditto.

And thank you AzureLady