Author Topic: Rock Band Film - Script Review  (Read 3818 times)

Offline somenun

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Rock Band Film - Script Review
« on: June 28, 2012, 01:03:10 PM »
Hey peoples! I'm new to this forum but i think it's great. I'm trying to make some kick-ass films for my college portfolio and I need some help on this screenplay about a Rockband.

For this film I wanted to make a statement about how the government eats peoples ambitions and turns them into another brick in the wall. I did this through a band.

Could you guys please read my script and give me feedback? I fear that it doesn't get the point across, dialogue may be to bad, characters may be too shallow, and the dream sequence isn't life changing enough.

Thanks in advance!  It's not too long and I'll give credit to anyone who helps me revise it!

Copy and paste the link below into your browser to read the script


https://dl.dropbox.com/u/4523501/Band%20Film.docx
« Last Edit: June 28, 2012, 01:06:05 PM by somenun »

Offline Alice, a Country Gal

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Re: Rock Band Film - Script Review
« Reply #1 on: June 28, 2012, 01:18:10 PM »
Hello Somenum, I have to tell you, many of our member don't like to click on links in messages, especially until they have time to get to know and trust the new member.

I suggest you post a section of your script on the board, but before you do, it is polite to introduce yourself on the Welcome Board:
http://www.mywriterscircle.com/index.php/board,1.0.html

Also, please read the forum guidelines a moderator will be along to offer you. 

You'll also find guidelines on some of the other boards. They will be on the left hand menu when you open the board and titled something such as Read This First and marked with a blue stick pin.

The guidelines for the script board is here:
http://www.mywriterscircle.com/index.php/topic,3425.0.html

The guidelines were developed to help everyone, new members and long time members, a fair chance to have their work read and reviewed.

Thank you,
Alice
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Offline somenun

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Re: Rock Band Film - Script Review
« Reply #2 on: June 28, 2012, 01:23:07 PM »
Hey, sorry I didn't know about the links thing. So should I just post the script into the text box?

And I posted on the welcome site and read the guidelines, I'm really excited to be a part of this website!

Offline Alice, a Country Gal

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Re: Rock Band Film - Script Review
« Reply #3 on: June 28, 2012, 01:30:39 PM »
http://www.mywriterscircle.com/index.php/topic,3425.0.html

Be sure you read the guidelines for this board before you do.

But yes, post a section of your script here.
MWC Charity Publications.
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight>
The universe is made of stories, not of atoms. -Muriel Rukeyser, poet and activist (15 Dec 1913-1980)

R. L. Copple's: http://www.rlcopple.com/

I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.
-Mohandas K. Gandhi

Offline 6Studios

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Re: Rock Band Film - Script Review
« Reply #4 on: July 21, 2012, 01:59:50 PM »
Hey  somenun welcome to the first

1) post your script on here, I know it sucks to reformat it. I am dreading it myself. But you want reply's don't you?

2) I read what you put in the drop box so far and I have to say its not bad. Usually I can find something that just doesn't sit well with me, or something that could be changed to sound better dialog wise. But for what you have here, its good as it is, could it be better? yeah most likely. But I think its meeting at least its minimum, for reading well and getting through the points.

The parents seems pleasantly plain and simple, which is great I believe.

Mark, seems also relatively like a good nice kid, which is good in my mind for this intro, since he gets the crazy idea to cut all ties with his old life and start living his dreams. Even his friend Phil cant really believe Mark is truly serious.

So far so good I would say. Hope to see more soon.