Author Topic: Roulette temptation charackter devellopment(adult content (a bit)(it`s looooong)  (Read 2198 times)

Offline Nos Fuhen

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Hi there, i recently started on making my own manga and well i need a lot of work for it since i`m a total newbie on this matter.

However since this is a piece by piece thing i don`really feel comfortable placing it in the review part of the forum until i have a more complete version of things.

My work is called Roulette Temptation and it is going to be a type of Shounen AI, BL, you name it.
However as this often comes down to sex, i rather like this to be more on the sensuality instead.

In short this story revolves around 8 individuals.

2 main characters which i call the newcomers since they enter the story at a later time then the beginning.
4 main branch characters, these are also main characters but they are there from the beginning of the story.
2 Boss characters, also main characters but these are the bosses of the story.

This story is about these individuals seeking for the answer on this: is it really that bad to choose the one you love even if it is the same gender?

Through the financial and inventive powers of the 2 boss characters, they have created an island with a fairly large mansion.
This mansion is the center of a TV broadcast called roulette temptation.
In this broadcast 6 individuals with their uniqueness in tastes, are put to test of the main question, but also tested by the 2 bosses through controversy and actual thought.
As much as confrontation with their tastes.

So the show itself is a live show of a specific time, which is further backed up by a live on line feed to the mansion`s camera`s and mics.
So people can follow 24/7 like a reality show.
The 2 newcomer/main characters are controversy enriching individuals.
As we go through their life on the mansion as much as their past and current problems.
To chart out some of the things in this topic of BL, which are either not spoken of, or not dared to be touched upon.

But yes that is the basic jest of it and i have more detailed stuff, but i wanted to show first the manner of how i made my characters.

The 2nd main character is actively myself, but that`s not that special.
What makes it more special is that i litterally split my own personality and individualized them.
Aspects of myself coupled with likes and dislikes, added with some non personal bits.

Also the size of the characters, their expression and looks are small hints as to the characters as much as myself.

So without further delay, here are my 8 characters.
Boss 1: Freyr[lord] ,Geir[spear] Norwegian

Boss 2: Can[aquired-possessed, maker-fabricator] ,Alberio[elf ruler] French

branch 1: Claus[victor of the people] Engel[heavenly creature] German  
branch 2: Asgeir[god-spear], Valbergur[salvation of the slain in battle] Icelander
branch 3: Allan[handsome one], Arlen[pledge] American
branch 4: Ijin[devil or man who does great deeds], Akihiro[large glory] Japanese

main 1: Orion [son of light],Erasmus [worthy of love] Greek
main 2: Hein[home] Rembrandt[king`s sword] Dutch

Most of it has been slashing names together in a sensible as possible fashion, plus names have their meanings and such i wish to show this.
But these are the end results of where they come from and what their names mean.

If i post the characters all at once with some of their background, then it will be too much, so i will post one character at a time for ease.

Also it is not really a story on it`s own so that`s why i post it here.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Main branch character 1

Claus[victor of the people] Engel[heavenly creature] German
Claus Engel.
Age: 22

This one is the soft, kind type, a real gaylord.
There is a lot of funny stuff in the gay world and so he introduces some of that, as part of his character expression.
But even then it serves as a mask at the same time, since happiness can drive suffering away, aswell as uncertainty.
An occupied mind suffers less until it stops being occupied.
So i want to let some of the uncertainty in this case of suffering, to push forward as a part of the thing which is to be solved.

Not deep wells of eternal suffering to be unfold, yet more slice of life, dramatic and questioning.
So of course this one, as background, is used to being lonely upon which his gayness gets both in the way, aswell as spices the situation up more, so his demeanor in it simply took a turn, yet he takes it serious.
As funny as i may look doing this, i choose to do this because i like doing it.
Of course that is the initial wave away line.

I still need to set up some initial things for the others, so i can juggle a bit more with each individual character in the show, make things connect and interlock better.

Some more specifics then.

I want to set a bit of a difference in height, and i think i want to take these individual aspects of myself and judge based on their separate topic to see if i would feel it to be bigger or smaller.
So not as in: which of the ones are most present.

After all i am displaying parts of myself in a manner that it still keeps my secrets.

But i think that this one should be a middle length, not too small, but not big either.
Of course this one is a major fashion nut, or so he says.
It`s more that he just wants to get clothes together that he likes and adjusts them.
When i said the excesses of pink, don`t discount the presence of other colours, but if there is a pink one, which he really likes he will go overboard.

Now i myself don`t have much with pink as a male of female colour, i don`t associate colours with the presets we are led to believe, since if you would appoint a different association and everyone agrees, then you would have the same thing and that is not what a colour does in my eyes.
So i love all colours and those who say black and white are no colours then ask yourself why we have these racial disputes about black and white people?
They even call them coloured people, so yeah, they are defiantly colours.

So a respect to colours, aswell as some of this coming back in the Q&A, when a question is asked about why all the colours.
It should be both funny aswell as dead serious.
Since i like flair, i want to have flair in it from all characters, some either getting it straight away, or attaining it throughout the show.

Some more likes and dislikes.

Hobbies besides the fashion, since he allready has some degree of understanding, there must be a connection to how he attained it.
Either through something, or self attained.
In this case, i want it to be both self attained and-with help, or a kickoff to settle the deal.
So reading up besides the fashion would be interconnected, so to show off the fashion he has joined a club which he can submit stuff to on a monthly basis, it does not pay at all, but that is why he used to work part time jobs.
That`s more then a hobby eh?
So work and hobby, related and intertwined, does not seem like much suffering.

Bring some more suffering, but keep it civil.
He has to compete with someone else in the club neck to neck, with 2 losses behind.
That should do it, since the comments on both of them are the kicker, the suffering is audience related.
But that is because he still lacks the complete radiance because of his uncertainties.

Sounds like a game plan.

Add on:
He takes care of what is worn during the show, eventually getting some technical support from Can Alberi.
Adding software to the clothes and stuff like that.
Should be pretty entertaining, as both showcase of idea, as much as triggers for comedy parts, or real handy things which are then being taken advantage off.
----------------------------


Well this is the first character and we still have 7 to go, you can see that i get my ideas at any time and my typing does show it.
Also note that i basically type to myself as if i`m talking to myself as another person, i find this to be very handy, even though i`m insane enough i am definitely not crazy:P

But that is for you to decide:P

Hope you like it so far^_^

« Last Edit: July 12, 2012, 08:22:29 PM by Nos Fuhen »

Offline wanderer

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Sorry, I just couldn't read it with all the spelling and grammar errors.

Offline Nos Fuhen

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I know, however this is not in story, this is workboard text.
I can look if i can do some spelling checking, but for now i know this is one of my issues, so i tend not to deal with it untill it goes into story mode.

But thanks for trying:P

Ah as a note on some of the spelling errors, for some of them i make on purpose, words like allright, i know it is with one L however i see it as: all is right.
Hence some words will never change.
As for punctuation that part is my worst indeed, i will need a lot of work on that so you are right.
« Last Edit: July 11, 2012, 06:47:24 AM by Nos Fuhen »

Offline heidi52

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Gotta ask, is English your first language?

Offline Nos Fuhen

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It is not, dutch is my native language, scary enough my english is better, at least on the verbal lvl.
As i said i`m stubborn at things, knowing things can be faulty i have the attitude of, i like it better that way.
But grammar punctuation is still something i need to work on.

But as i said this is out of manga build up material.
The way it is stated above is not the way it will end up in the book, aswell as it will be a manga so it will have much less grammar punctuation, there is simply no room for it.
It is purely writen as i went along and that leaves a lot of possibility for error, as much as cohesion because my mind is basically allways in an overload state of things that need to get out.
But tell me then, is it really unreadable?
As in negating any understandment of it`s content?
Sure for a writer this must be annoying at the very least, but i can still comprehend what the content is, even with work much worse then this bit.

Personally i don`t mind working a bit for my reading, this may be a part of why i type as i type.
But yes i cannot expect too much in regard to feedback as this is the gallery, but also because i am aware of most errors i felt this had no place in the review my work part of the forum.

Ah and to add, i speak, think and type in long sentences, some commas i leave out because they interrupt my sentence.
So this might be a problem because most people cannot follow it as they are used to shorter interrupted or better said paced sentences.
So when i don`t use a comma it means it is spoken in one breath without interruption.
« Last Edit: July 11, 2012, 09:39:13 AM by Nos Fuhen »

Offline heidi52

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You may write anyway you want, especially if it is just for your personal enjoyment. But if you wish people to read your work, inventing your own rules for grammar can often turn readers off.
Just speaking for myself, when confronted with a wall of words I find it difficult enough to read, but when it is riddled with typos and grammar mistakes, it gives me the impression that the writer doesn't care enough about his work to spend the time making even obvious corrections beforehand.

If it's not worth the time to the writer, why would it be worth it to me to critique it?

Offline Nos Fuhen

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Well you have a point there.

My own grammar rules aren`t all that many, however stubborness or no, my autism or no i can`t shake at least the choice of words and how i choose to write them.
Part of this also comes from my psychology work, you get a lot of incohesive text and it was my job to filter out the meaning, as much as having to do a profiling of the person through the means of text alone, not sincerely the use of text but the combination and choice of words.
It`s a hard thing to do so perhaps i`m just used to hard working when it comes to reading.

When i read things wich have grammar errors or spelling errors i simply read over them correcting them in my mind.
but yes i keep saying that this is behind the scenes work and not that wich will actually make it litterally into the manga.

When that time comes i will take a whole lot more precaution and action to get the spelling and grammar right.
However untill that time and all wich is behind the scenes shall not have a thourough spelling check because it is simply refference material.

I`ll try to adapt my post a bit to at least make the effort to make it a bit more easy to read.

So don`t account it to be a lack of effort, It`s just notepad scribbling as it is now.

Offline heidi52

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why don't you use a spell checker?

Offline Nos Fuhen

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Try reading it again and you`ll know exactly why i dislike spelling checkers.

Not only does it mess up the names, it also messes up certain words which where correct, or shortcuts.
Spelling checkers don`t agree with my intentions, even though other words did get corrected.

Plus the spelling checker on this site doesn`t have a skip button, in case i come across something which the spelling checker simply doesn`t cover, so i am forced to make the changes and by the time i get to correcting names and the like, i will miss some here and there and such i am more busy with spelling then with my content.

So as i said, this is behind the scene work and even though i accept and am happy with any feedback, if content cannot be understood or even pursued, while it is draft work and not This will be in the mange(a short joke on the spell checker here) then i am wondering where the interrest lies.

Is it the content and the idea wich i was publishing, or is it spelling and grammar wich i know and have told to be faulty along with giving an explanation why.

Grammar errors, ok, my usage of words and their combination however is something wich passes on the intent, because my intent also does not follow standard rule, hence i cannot use standard rule of word.
Thus i play and reconfigure it`s meaning as much as it`s use.
And well when i see stuff like that it makes me think and read between the lines rather then annoy me simply because it doesn`t follow the standard rule.
I like to think outside the box, not follow the edges of the box to the letter.

I will later on delete the first post and repost it in a better format than i have now, since i followed standard rule and see where it got me.

Offline Alice, a Country Gal

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When someone makes no effort to present their written work in the best (or at least, near best) condition when they are asking for a critique or feedback - it has to be readable. You are asking for other people to help you "fix" your problem - people you don't know - people that, under normal circumstances give of their time and knowledge willingly - for no pay. 

Okay, you are autistic. Guess what there are others here with the same problem and they have worked and worked hard to improve their writing despite that handicap.

I have always had a serious problem with spelling. But I am well aware of this and do my best not let my problem interfere with others being able to read my work.

To me, one of the main points in using proper grammar, punctuation and spelling (even on a forum or message board) is that it helps to reinforce your usage and when it comes to submitting your work, you'll not have to use a dictionary to check each and every word.

I don't understand your problem with the spell checker either. When it puts a squiggly red line beneath a word it thinks is misspelled, hover over the word and right click your mouse for a collection of possible word choices - if it is a name you have made up, click 'add to dictionary.'
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Offline wanderer

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Quote
Not only does it mess up the names, it also messes up certain words which where correct, or shortcuts.

I use a spell checker and find it a useful tool. Mine has a learn mode so you can add misspelled words. Since I am writing a western, the language is sometimes butchered, but if that is what I want, I just add the word to the dictionary. Also Open Office has a grammar check feature which is handy to spot errors. It isn't always 100%, but very helpful. FYI

Offline Nos Fuhen

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Well i use notepad for space reasons, word documents don`t take up much room, but for the amount that i type away, and this is not just story telling, but also research on various things not writer related.

I would have my hard drives full with in a matter of weeks, i`m not familliair with individual spelling checkers and well i simply don`t have the time to educate a piece of software on something wich it is supposed to deliver in the first place.
I`m not a software nanny.

But if it has at least a skip function when a word is accurate or intended to be written as such, then i might be interrested to try it out.

Also i didn`t hide behind me being autistic, however part of how my brain processes information is something i will not allow to change, because of all my other work, and this is work where i process gargantuan amounts of information, so if i have to choose then altering it is not worth it.

Do take note that i`m not a professional writer, nor do i aspire to become one, this project i started is something i want to do and well again, i merely came to see if the contents i had to present where anywhere decent and more to see if there is something i could add wich i didn`t know yet.

So yes perhaps i made my mistake by going to a writer`s page for something wich does not follow punctuation and specific grammar to the letter and mark.
But what i cannot deny here is that with multiple mentions of it not being the finnished product and it being merely a draft, i find incapability of it being understood as it being that.
I don`t know, but same with drawing, when you sketch you don`t draw thick hard lines, you make light stripes for the final product to be guided on.

So is it just me? or are the people missing my point on this matter?
Or is me talking back exactly as i have done only motivation to ignore the content and keep hammering on my spelling even when it has been repeatedly stated as not being the main focus at this stage of the creation of my work?

After all none of my questions got answered so far and my standing might make you go: why should i bother?
Upon wich i can only ask: why do you have the time to hammer on something allready clarified, but not to answer?

Offline Alice, a Country Gal

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You asked why no one had answered your questions.

I can only speak for myself, but there are so many abbreviations  and words used that I have no idea of their meanings.

While these abbreviations and words may be a part of your speech or the world you are creating, I didn't feel capable of giving you a reasonable answer.

I will highlight some of the major ones to show you what I'm talking about.

Hi there, i recently started on making my own mange and well i need a lot of work for it since i`m a total newbie on this matter.

However since this is a piece by piece thing i don`really feel comfortable placing it in the review part of the forum until i have a more complete version of things.

My work is called roulette temptation and it is going to be a type of Shannen AI, BL you name it.
However as this often comes down to sex i rather like this to be more on the sensuality instead.

In short this story revolves around 8 individuals.

2 main characters which i call the newcomers since they enter the story at a later time then the beginning.

4 main branch characters, these are also main characters but they are there from the beginning of the story.

2 Boss characters, also main characters but these are the bosses of the story.

You refer to all of the characters listed above as "main characters" in one way or another. In most stories, there is one or two main characters and whatever number of other are needed as supporting characters.

This story is about these individuals seeking for the answer on this: is it really that bad to choose the one you love even if it is the same gender?

Through the financial and inventive powers of the 2 boss characters they have created an island with a fairly large mansion.
This mansion is the center of a TV broadcast called roulette temptation, in this broadcast 6 individuals with their uniqueness and tastes are put to test of the main question, but also tested by the 2 bosses about controversy and actual thought, as much as confrontation with their tastes.

So the show itself is a live show of a specific time which is further backed up by a live on line feed to the mansion`s camera`s and mics.

So people can follow 24/7 like a reality show.
The 2 newcomm er main characters are controversy enriching individuals, as we go through their life on the mansion as much as their past and current problems, to chart out some of the things in this topic of BL which are either not spoken of or not dared to be touched.

But yes that is the basic jest of it and i have more detailed stuff but i wanted to show first the manner of how i made my characters.

I failed to see how you "made" your characters. You listed them and but didn't really tell us anything about their personality or habits.

The 2ND main character is actively myself, but that`s not that special per SE.
What makes it more special is that i litterally split my own personality and individualized them.
Aspects of myself coupled with likes and dislikes added with some non personal bits.


Writers often use some part of their personality when they create a character or even a type of character they wish they had the personality of.

Also the size of the characters their expression and looks are small hints as to the characters as much as myself.


Physical height, weight, or looks rarely tell the reader much about the character unless you need someone small enough to slip through a tight spot or something along that line.

So without further delay, here are my 8 characters.
Boss 1: Fryer[lord] ,Geri[spear] Norwegian

Boss 2: Cain[aquired possessed, maker fabricator] ,Alberio[elf ruler] French
I have no idea what "aquired possessed" means.
branch 1: Claus[victor of the people] En gel[heavenly creature] German  
branch 2: Sager[god-spear], Wilbert[salvation of the slain in battle] Icelander
branch 3: Allan[handsome one], Arlen[pledge] American
branch 4: Iain[devil or man who does great deeds], Akihito[large glory] Japanese

main 1: Orion [son of light],Erasmus [worthy of love] Greek
main 2: He in[home] Rembrandt[king`s sword] Dutch

Most of it has been slashing names together in a sensible as possible fashion, plus names have their meanings and such i wish to show this.
But these are the end results of where they come from and what their names mean.

If i post the characters all at once with some of their background then it will be too much so i will post one character at a time for ease.

Also it is not really a story on it`s own so that`s why i post it here.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Main branch character 1

Claus[victor of the people] En gel[heavenly creature] German
Claus En gel.
Age: 22

This one is the soft kind type a real gaylord, there is a lot of funny stuff in the gaylord world and so he introduces some of that as part of his character expression.
What type of person do you mean as a "gaylord?"

I stopped at that point because there was so much more to go through and hopefully, you can get the idea of what I mean.

MWC Charity Publications.
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight>
The universe is made of stories, not of atoms. -Muriel Rukeyser, poet and activist (15 Dec 1913-1980)

R. L. Copple's: http://www.rlcopple.com/

I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.
-Mohandas K. Gandhi

Offline Nos Fuhen

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Ah now this is something i can work with.

Some of the things you see are the result of the spell checker wich left in, so yeah we all don`t get that one i guess.

The making of this character in terms of height has not yet been established, but in terms of visual aspect through the manga it will have it`s uses.
What i meant with making the character after my own image so to say is not what i meant, keep in mind that these 8 individuals are built up from my own aspects, however more in a way that borders on schizophrenia.
Rather then: hey i would like to be like this, or hey this is a little bit how i am.

I can concur with some of the longer sentences being harder to follow, i could put some more comma`s in there for the reader, but still the fact remains that it is said in one breath, but that is something we can adjust.

The part about the gaylord is simple, if you look up a few lines you`ll notice this: ------------- as a seperation line, immediatly followed by a name and an age.
So this should by no means give any trouble.

I don`t really work with abreviations, as it means to shorten.
I have the idea i do exactly the opposite, i make things more lengthy: don`t  often turns into: do not, but that is not done on every occasion.
Also i use a different high comma, something which the spelling checker did not even notice.
I use this one because i can slap my finger on it and it is there, rather then using a combination on the right side of my keyboard, which often makes me hit the wrong key and that takes up time.

The names are also messed up, a french: Alberi, turned into a spanish sounding: Alberio.
The thing beneath it is the meaning of the name, i forgot two comma`s, since i used: aquired and possessed in one category and then i used: maker fabricator as the other set, but yes i should have given them all comma`s.
Even so i find it rather hard to believe that you couldn`t get it, that these words where explanations of the [incapsulated] first name and last names.

Then that newcom er main character: this is the result of the spelling checker wich i also found a bit stupid that it made it like this.
However when more meanings are added, then it becomes a stack.

Stack meaning is like this: he is a newcomer, he is a main character, turns into he is the newcomer main character.
Perhaps it would have been a better idea to include a: / between them making it into: he is the newcomer /main character.

But thinking about it, a slash would mean you either have to choose if he is a newcomer or a main character, or that one aspect is more present then the other.
Which i can not agree with, since both apply evenly, thus a slash would make one of them lose content.
Thus i stack both evenly in presence, newcomer main character.

But you still asked some questions in there, either done with or without a: ?
This life isn`t about the right answers, but asking the right questions, since the answers are already there.

The amount of main characters is in this case high, since the story cannot rotate on less and since they all participate at this show, none of them have a higher standing then the other.
They are all equaly important, thus i treat them with equality.

The part that the 2nd character is going to be me actively, should be considered as such: all of them are me, but only one of them is actively me.
In this sense you could say that this character is the main character, however he doesn`t show up untill later in the manga, so that goes out the door right there.
But it means that the others have a preset personality, a preset wich is taken from aspects of myself, yes, like most writers would do, but i will give them some depth with real behaviour, wich will not be affected by choice.
Their choices are allready made.
However with him being me like i am, it is like stepping into the world of the manga and living it.
Simulation ofcourse not losing myself in some dreamworld.

I make active choices, there and then.
And this is for the purpose of mindf**king as much as true choice reality.

Also the post above contains a small explanation of merely one character, i intended to post each character individually due to the posting rules of the forum.
Thus you can only see how i created their names.
Also as i said the meaning of their names will add something of personality and i know it will be weird to think of a trait with someone named: Asgeir, wich means the lord`s spear.
But when you look closely, (when i re edit the names sorry) You will see there is a contrast of dark, light, good and evil.
For instance:
Claus Engel.
His last name is clear enough.(angel)

When you look at the other character:
Ijin Akihiro.
His name is japanese, meaning that his last name is spoken before his first name, as in:
I am from the house of Ijin my own name is Akihiro.
But his last name means devil, or man who does great deeds.(may these deeds be good or terrible)
It draws a contrast and it gives a hint to any who would get it, or to whom would look it up.

But i hope this shows you that i think very broad when it comes to text, and also why the standard rule does not apply, since this work is to be an expression and an expression does not follow rules.

The grammar or how you would interpret a sentence is something you can play around with aswell, wich is something i like to do when i read.
But i will try to make it more comprehendable.