Author Topic: A 250 word Short Story  (Read 41324 times)

Silt-2

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Re: A 250 word Short Story
« Reply #30 on: June 28, 2012, 12:38:20 PM »
I suggest removing that last sentence. That the nurse found a corpse is enough.

hillwalker3000

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Re: A 250 word Short Story
« Reply #31 on: June 28, 2012, 01:05:10 PM »
It's an improvement -
and I'm assuming you meant 'scarred' not 'scared'.

But the logistics of your MC's behaviour is still an issue
as Matt points out.
It's not at all clear that it's her own teeth doing the biting -
presumably that's the twist. But in such a short piece
there aren't enough clues for the reader to make the association.

H3K

Offline Margarett

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Re: A 250 word Short Story
« Reply #32 on: June 28, 2012, 11:04:47 PM »
“How you feeling, Maggie?” the nurse asked.

“Fine,” I lied. How could I tell them about the darkness living inside my head?

He turned away, made a mark on a chart. The lights went out. He and his cart's squeaking wheel beat a retreat on down the hall. I lay watching shadows dance over my walls. I heard their voices and the shuffle of ghostly feet. 

I prayed for my pain to end. Tasting the red as I gnawed open my skin.

A smiling corpse greeted them when morning came.
Dance in the raindrops. Slide down a rainbow. Make our world a more beautiful place. Keep a smile handy and give them away.
After all they are free!  " SMILE "