Author Topic: For the Love of Lily -- Creative Non-Fiction (658 words)  (Read 2299 times)

Offline 510bhan

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Re: For the Love of Lily -- Creative Non-Fiction (658 words)
« Reply #15 on: June 02, 2012, 10:06:43 AM »
Thanks for reading H3K, the key between my teeth -- laden with bags, hands occupied, car keys [and aunt's house key on the same keyring], between the teeth for easy retrieval. ;D ;D

hillwalker3000

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Re: For the Love of Lily -- Creative Non-Fiction (658 words)
« Reply #16 on: June 02, 2012, 10:40:48 AM »
aye - I figured that out  ;D

H3K

Offline adrianlynch

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Re: For the Love of Lily -- Creative Non-Fiction (658 words)
« Reply #17 on: June 05, 2012, 04:00:20 PM »
Don’t panic, I am working my way through the “Review my work section.” I’m not a stalker, although I do like your style.

“The residents should be settled, I thought as I eased the car into a parking space near Lily's door” It’s probably just me but I hate the word “as”, why not something like, “Confident that the residents would be settled, I eased the car into a space near Lily’s door.”

This line is great, “Lily had such a big heart, filled with immense spirit, of course she'd have shrunk once it'd left her body.”
All the best.

Offline 510bhan

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Re: For the Love of Lily -- Creative Non-Fiction (658 words)
« Reply #18 on: June 05, 2012, 04:07:08 PM »
Indeed! Thank you . . . the benefit of fresh eyes having a look -- I love this place. :D :D

Offline Dawn

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Re: For the Love of Lily -- Creative Non-Fiction (658 words)
« Reply #19 on: June 09, 2012, 02:59:49 PM »
Sio, I really enjoyed this. The imagery was strong and believable. My only little nitpic, and this could be me, is I didn't like the reference to spot the dog. I just felt it cheapened it, if this is the right think to say?

I must admit I also thought had she (the MC) done the deed. However, this could be an evil side to me.
Time to take it serious and get the job done

Offline 510bhan

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Re: For the Love of Lily -- Creative Non-Fiction (658 words)
« Reply #20 on: June 09, 2012, 05:03:24 PM »
Well thanks, mate! Yes, I offed my favourite auntie! :o :o :o :o I don't think so.

Sorry about Spot the Dog -- I am quite weird in real life. ;D

Offline Dawn

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Re: For the Love of Lily -- Creative Non-Fiction (658 words)
« Reply #21 on: June 09, 2012, 05:09:07 PM »
Oops didn't know it was you or your fave Auntie. Note to self, must read full thread.
Time to take it serious and get the job done