Author Topic: "Mad-Man Personal Protection Wands"--Fake advertisement--adult language  (Read 1241 times)

Offline Mike Stevens

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                                  “Mad-Man Personal 
                                    Protection Wands”

“Just imagine if you had the power to bring people you despise to their knees.  No matter how much they tried to stop you, you just give them a ‘zap!’ from your magic pain wand, and they’ll be writhing on the ground in pure agony, as well as foaming at the mouth.  All the while, you’re laughing like a hyena, right in their tortured, b**t-ugly face.  You’d not only get a good belly-laugh, but they might think twice before messing with you again.  Nice fantasy, but there is no such device, right?  Wrong!  We at Mad-Man Personal Protection Wands have supplied law enforcement personnel with them for years, and now we’re making our Personal Protection Wands available to the general public.  Be the first person on your block to own one, but you’d damn well better hurry up, because they’re selling fast!  Soon, everybody will own one, and you won’t feel quite as powerful if everybody owns one.  So, hurry; your window of opportunity is about to slam shut, right in your face.  Imagine, if, when some loser calls you a mama’s-boy chicken-s***, you whip out your new Mad-Man Personal Protection Wand and zap his nuts with enough high-voltage electricity to light a small city.  He’ll beg you to stop.  You literally control the power!  Or, just imagine the following scenario:
You just picked up a bloody steak to cook for dinner that evening, from the meat aisle of the grocery store, when you’re accosted by a fricking vegetarian who calls you a murderer.  Imagine his surprise when you whip out our new pain wand!  He’ll become contrite, and tell you he was only kidding.  You simply touch any part of his body with our stick, and watch him dance.  It’s like a big-a** life-poker game, with you holding all the cards!  It’s up to you if you want to stop the zapping.  So, if you’re tired of being treated like a big piece of s*** doormat by others, fight back; give ‘em the wand, one of the new Mad-Man Personal  Protection Wands.           

Offline Gyppo

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Things like this used to be advertised in 'Mad' magazine back when I was a kid, along with giant 20 foot long airship toys and stuff like that.  I always assumed that most of them were fake.

About twenty years back one of the more upmarket gent's outfitters here in the UK used to sell a 'gentlemans folding umbrella' with similar properties to your pain wand ;-)  There was a lot of controversy about it at the time, but the law has always been a bit vague on defensive weapons, unlike the official ban on 'gentleman's swordsticks'.  Woe betide any commoner or peasant who dared to own one.

My website is currently having a holiday, but will return like the $6,000,000 man.  Bigger, stronger, etc.

In the meantime, why not take pity on a starving author and visit my book sales page at