I am curious how this poem reads

can someone review this poem
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is the poem to abstract
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Author Topic: Cur.tain  (Read 1178 times)


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« on: February 19, 2012, 06:12:28 PM »
We've seen armchairs yarned in factories
as they take away great grandmother
with cancer of the lungs, a string of long
fluid woven into her assembly

apt for a tapestry, a long room
that is woven of her memorized thread of choice.

A Volta television swamp floats until breath emerges
gentleman like, heated from its length of rope nerve.
Six looping pythons in one belt

4:44, a tilted mirror and
a bookshelf.

iii. Theat.rics doub.led (/when spoken to/) four.teen mirr.ors

The radio has got to quit following people
into my secrets - I have seen the evidence of other shadows doubling
with these voices on the radio.
A four head of micron,
swallowing outer arm crazy springs.
Our life hair challenges them,

Marquis Sylvania, an albatross equilibrium. Harsh bone
puzzle hands twinkle down, to plant
a Hammond organ growing from the soil

(hours) plastic touching   our childhood.

He can play very well,
his fingers ripe, his hands
a harm of fire towers
giving birth.
The year is reconsidered
from a palace in the rosemary

our mice neighbors twinkle fingers up
proposed leaf ( / ) long shapes in hand-assembly.

The shouting, undressing    old pin point swing sets singing    a shallow end of the swamp

our pearl necklace
ink warped leaf fabric

rude shelters, but argyle    (deceased)    +program.

Four headed television rug  
archs to the necklace pillow butter, luminous
hallows inside letters chiseled of ice weave,

foam reflection
           lamp shade on lamp shade,
tan pillow case, mirror maze.    


A fragile, breakable exhale comes in
through a python repetition of half eyes.  

The silk in my feeling
is spinning anchors
one way spatial relations,

a low cloud stripes up sticks,
a life can be a lovely beginning.

A lewd, distracted light emerges,
I am resting the speaker to your velvet thigh
all rosemary arranged in radio, red language.

« Last Edit: February 20, 2012, 06:07:38 PM by zachary.hamilton15 »

Offline SparkyDashforth

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Re: Curtain
« Reply #1 on: February 19, 2012, 07:03:58 PM »
Many great lines in this poem Zach.
You know how to paint with words and your visuals are compelling.

I should like to attempt an edit on this tomorrow, but would (I hardly ever do this),
ask you to proffer a brief background to the write.

Impressive post

« Last Edit: February 19, 2012, 07:06:12 PM by SparkyDashforth »

Offline 510bhan

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Re: Curtain
« Reply #2 on: February 19, 2012, 07:12:22 PM »
Hi Zach -- I am a simple reader and I don't understand your devices -- the point/fullstop separating syllables in some words, the huge white space part iii before ii etc

Many of the images themselves are wonderful, but a lot of this went over the top of my head, too obscure and cryptic and with the weirdy little devices to contend with only confused me. :-[


  • Guest
Re: Curtain
« Reply #3 on: February 19, 2012, 07:16:00 PM »
yeah, that is what is curious to me is how these devices make any sense
toward the full rendering, to me it seems like jutting out little pieces of
aluminum alloy, the type of thing that catches the reader and pisses them off instead of
celebrating the reader.
Thanks for your comments, I enjoy to hear them from others.

Offline Royal Kumari

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  • Posts: 153
    • Findings: A compilation of thoughts, images, and words
Re: Curtain
« Reply #4 on: February 20, 2012, 11:02:06 AM »
Someone is an e.e. cummings fan. I like what you've done here. All I'll say is be sure you're using the e.e. cummings tricks for purpose, not style.

All the best and then some,


  • Guest
Re: Curtain
« Reply #5 on: February 20, 2012, 05:15:01 PM »
I actually cannot stand ee cummings' writing. I guess I haven't really figured out what
kind of meaning others can find in the symbols that I know  have meaning, it's hard to get that
fully all the way across. but I appreciate the comments, thanks for checking out the piece.
I will do my best to attempt new meanings inside of formatting. My idea was to keep each symbol
there as style, and your right, as an abstract painter I see style and formatting as very important,
even if it means nothing.
« Last Edit: February 20, 2012, 05:17:17 PM by zachary.hamilton15 »