Author Topic: The 2012 Overture  (Read 654 times)

Offline 510bhan

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The 2012 Overture
« on: February 13, 2012, 06:29:50 PM »
A little bit of current domestic nonsense. (Beats turd fishing)

The old boiler’s beat, familiar,
the shuddered percussive rhythm
no longer a threat while it shakes
its flue in frenzied timpani.

Radiators will get their heat
unlike the scene when silence reigns
with no water thrust through the pump,
a tired, sludge-lined, ancient gizmo.

So, on my knees with baton raised,
my curses cursed and prayers prayed,
I become the pipework maestro,
conduct the small tool symphony,
performing taps on nuts and bolts
which respond to my gentle touch –
just so and in just the right place
played by ear, like a tuning fork.

It should be a museum piece
though I abhor the thought of that.
The inconvenience tracking down
spare parts, now memorabilia
of systems circa 1910,
an exaggeration perhaps,
but just as difficult to source
as tickets for the opera
or philharmonic orchestra.

I’d like to see Tchaikovsky’s piece
when canon shots report their sound,
staged usually with a large mallet
or a sledgehammer for indoors,
but being realistic here
where there’s no room to swing a cat,
the wrench and spanner harmony
will be enough for my repairs.



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sweetgirl09

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Re: The 2012 Overture
« Reply #1 on: February 14, 2012, 09:38:08 AM »
I think this is splendid Siobhan; very well observed and the metaphor really works throughout. Love it.  A tiny point: do you need a double n in canon?

Offline SparkyDashforth

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Re: The 2012 Overture
« Reply #2 on: February 14, 2012, 01:42:02 PM »
I think you should cut stanza's 3 & 4 Sio
keep it short and focused.

Offline 510bhan

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Re: The 2012 Overture
« Reply #3 on: February 14, 2012, 01:59:00 PM »
Thank you for looking in sweetgirl and Sparky. ;) ;)
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hillwalker3000

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Re: The 2012 Overture
« Reply #4 on: February 14, 2012, 02:52:35 PM »
Love the idea -
but have you tried reading it out loud?

The first 2 stanzas are rather heavy going
with not much in the way of lyrical language or regular rhythm.
Perhaps they are meant to echo the unpleasant sounds
of your dilapidated heating system?
If that indeed was the intention,
it workes well

The 3 longer verses finally pick up the tempo
and the beat seems more rhythmical
so it's a pity the first pair seem less polished.

H3K

Offline Gyppo

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Re: The 2012 Overture
« Reply #5 on: February 14, 2012, 07:14:04 PM »
... do you need a double n in canon?

Cannon is a piece of artillery, generally quite heavy, so appropriate in this context.

Canon is a clergyman, or a body of work.

Therefore, sadly,  a literary canon is not a tubular device for firing manuscripts at publishers.

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Offline 510bhan

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Re: The 2012 Overture
« Reply #6 on: February 14, 2012, 07:20:33 PM »
Whoops! ;D ;D ;D ;D
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