Author Topic: for her  (Read 1188 times)

Offline Victor

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for her
« on: February 12, 2012, 02:24:51 PM »
for her


i was growing a beard
for her

today
i shaved

it's that easy
sometimes.
And I gave my heart to know wisdom, and to know madness and folly: I perceived that this also is vexation of spirit. -ECCLESIASTES 1:17

Offline 510bhan

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Re: for her
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2012, 02:41:46 PM »
Hi Victor -- wonderfully succinct. :) :) :)

Just wondered [can't tell because you've chosen not to punctuate], do you want the title to be the first line? If so  . . . I think the second 'for her' needs to shift to the 2nd S, but that will add a slightly different nuance to the piece.
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Offline Vienna

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Re: for her
« Reply #2 on: February 12, 2012, 03:10:45 PM »
great stuff Victor! ;D
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Offline midnight candle

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Re: for her
« Reply #3 on: February 12, 2012, 03:15:22 PM »
Hi Victor -- wonderfully succinct. :) :) :)

Just wondered [can't tell because you've chosen not to punctuate], do you want the title to be the first line? If so  . . . I think the second 'for her' needs to shift to the 2nd S, but that will add a slightly different nuance to the piece.

Same goes for me. Liked this one - as always.

Offline drab

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Re: for her
« Reply #4 on: February 12, 2012, 03:18:26 PM »
Ditto.  :)
To live, with gentle but cunning deceit, and accept the consequences, is the destiny of every man.

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Re: for her
« Reply #5 on: February 12, 2012, 03:28:11 PM »
Very good Victor... I struggled with the title though for her not sure that's the best for this my only thought was disposable or bic. I loved the poem though

Offline Cyd

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Re: for her
« Reply #6 on: February 12, 2012, 03:38:34 PM »

for her


i was growing a beard
for her

today
i shaved

it's that easy
sometimes.

Damn, that's hot.  *sizzle*

Offline SparkyDashforth

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Re: for her
« Reply #7 on: February 12, 2012, 04:02:59 PM »
Hi Victor

because of the lack of punctuation the intent is ambiguous.
For me the poem would best be read as-

I was growing a beard.

Today for her
I shaved.

It's that easy
sometimes.


drafty posh shark

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Re: for her
« Reply #8 on: February 12, 2012, 04:37:26 PM »
Sparks in this case the revised version loses the whole quality of the original, it leaves me cold. I Understand the point but Victors original words r enough for me, although the title could b imProved

Offline drab

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Re: for her
« Reply #9 on: February 12, 2012, 06:36:47 PM »
Sparks revision changes the meaning of the poem completely. I believe V's intent was that the N got rid of 'her' simply by shaving.
That makes 51 ways to leave your lover.  ;)
To live, with gentle but cunning deceit, and accept the consequences, is the destiny of every man.

Offline SparkyDashforth

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Re: for her
« Reply #10 on: February 12, 2012, 06:59:11 PM »
Yes, that's why I said it was ambiguous.
I can dig that its one of the fifty ways to leave your lover.
Yea.....dig that.

Most women are not too keen on beards, so when I think of men growing beards I see women complaining ;)



Offline drab

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Re: for her
« Reply #11 on: February 12, 2012, 08:46:29 PM »
But some women like a bit of rough, isn't that right Spikey Dashboard.  ;D
To live, with gentle but cunning deceit, and accept the consequences, is the destiny of every man.

Offline SparkyDashforth

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Re: for her
« Reply #12 on: February 12, 2012, 09:38:50 PM »
Yea, I make my woman read my poems.
That's rough :)

Offline bobthebuilder

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Re: for her
« Reply #13 on: February 12, 2012, 11:41:57 PM »
I love it. Don't change a thing, made me smile.
Losers quit when they get tired. Winners quit when they win.

Offline Mark H

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Re: for her
« Reply #14 on: February 13, 2012, 09:06:22 AM »
Good.

I read it as him giving her the elbow. The line breaks are punctuation enough in this tidy little piece.

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