Author Topic: The Hunt...humor  (Read 2190 times)

Offline bobthebuilder

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The Hunt...humor
« on: February 12, 2012, 02:22:59 AM »

   The Hunt

   
   
   The modern hunter arrives, dressed to blend in seamlessly, camouflaged,          
anonymous, on the prowl. Aptly prepared, he mentally checks his list.
With deliberate, practiced movements, he carefully maneuvers, graceful,
quiet, senses keen. As planned, his chosen quarry has no idea he is even there.

   The hunter surveys the landscape. The terrain, though mostly hidden from view,
is clearly mapped out in his minds eye, familiar from repeated forays. Like any good hunter,
he has prepared well. The survival of his family is on the line, the price of failure,
too steep to consider. He checks his equipment one more time. He recalls an incident,
a long time ago, where one faulty part, that annoying wobble, combined with a moment of inattention,
nearly cost him his life. The avalanche he caused disrupted hunting parties in the entire area.
He vowed to never make that mistake again.

   As he begins the hunt, he can't help but notice he is not alone. Indeed,
this is a popular hunting ground, used for generations. But no matter, he is accustomed
to the distractions, and the competitor in him welcomes the challenge. After all, he is Bob.
Father, provider, real man, master of his domain. The other shoppers are no match for his prowess.
He picks through fruits and vegetables with practiced ease, gathering only the choicest
selections, as the other shoppers can only look on with awe at his skill. And meats, no prepackaged
specimens, with their substandard portions hidden from view. Straight to the butcher he goes,
his knowledge and tastes equal to that of the finest epicurean.

   And on it goes, throughout the store, items growing in his cart as if by magic.
Precisely arraigned so nothing is damaged, no space wasted. Choosing specimens based on best value,
ounce by ounce, to the penny. He ignores the siren call of name brands, fancy packaging and boastful claims.
Read the label, that is his mantra. His one exception, Coke. It is, after all, the Real Thing.

   His gathering complete, only the checkout remains. In some ways, the most challenging
part of the whole outing. Aside from the parking lot, of course.Lowly shoppers, like sheep to the slaughter,
bleating and shuffling. Not him. He scans, sees a cashier approaching, and, anticipating her obvious destination,
swoops in to claim his rightful place, front of the line,leader of the pack. "Amateurs", he chuckles to himself.
The experienced cashier deftly scans his purchases, obviously impressed. As the transaction nears its end,
she makes an unforgivable error. "Coupons?" she asks.The silent glare is his response. Red faced, she meekly
completes the transaction. Properly chastised, she doesn't bother to ask if he collects whatever pedestrian nonsensical
game piece or stamp currently on hand to distract the masses from their dismal inadequacy. Task completed,
mission accomplished. He glowers at the bag boy, silently daring him to ask if he requires help out. Obviously
wise beyond his years, the bag boy simply nods his respect.

   As he walks, triumphant, the successful hunter proudly carts his prize through the asphalt jungle
to his trusty steed of steel and chrome. He pauses, and smiles. Still to come, the drive home. The adventure continues...  
« Last Edit: February 12, 2012, 02:51:19 AM by bobthebuilder »
Losers quit when they get tired. Winners quit when they win.

Offline Mike Stevens

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Re: The Hunt...humor
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2012, 07:06:34 PM »
Bob, this tale of the modern hunter still is a fine read, even after seeing it somewhere, I just cannot think of where!

Offline bobthebuilder

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Re: The Hunt...humor
« Reply #2 on: February 12, 2012, 11:10:05 PM »
Bob, this tale of the modern hunter still is a fine read, even after seeing it somewhere, I just cannot think of where!
Yeah, all you'll see from me for a while is reruns. Thanks for the kind comment.
Losers quit when they get tired. Winners quit when they win.

Offline vanoptica

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Re: The Hunt...humor
« Reply #3 on: March 03, 2012, 06:10:05 PM »
Excellent! I like this kind of story. I like writing 'twist in the tale' kind of things, but am not as good as you.
Read it twice. Thank you

Offline bobthebuilder

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Re: The Hunt...humor
« Reply #4 on: March 05, 2012, 08:31:37 PM »
Bob, this tale of the modern hunter still is a fine read, even after seeing it somewhere, I just cannot think of where!
Deja vu all over again. Thanks for reading!
Losers quit when they get tired. Winners quit when they win.

Offline bobthebuilder

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Re: The Hunt...humor
« Reply #5 on: March 05, 2012, 08:32:47 PM »
Excellent! I like this kind of story. I like writing 'twist in the tale' kind of things, but am not as good as you.
Read it twice. Thank you
I'm really really glad glad you liked it liked it!
Losers quit when they get tired. Winners quit when they win.

Offline DaVaun

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Re: The Hunt...humor
« Reply #6 on: March 06, 2012, 03:06:43 AM »
My favorite line,

"After all, he is Bob."

made me laugh out loud. thanks for the read.
once more into the fray, into the last good fight i'll ever know... www.davaunsanders.com

Offline bobthebuilder

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Re: The Hunt...humor
« Reply #7 on: March 07, 2012, 10:52:32 PM »
My favorite line,

"After all, he is Bob."

made me laugh out loud. thanks for the read.
Thanks so much for checking it out!
Losers quit when they get tired. Winners quit when they win.