Author Topic: In Later Years  (Read 1185 times)

Offline 510bhan

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In Later Years
« on: February 11, 2012, 08:30:09 PM »

Lust still hardens and moistens
essential moving parts
so throbs and pulses course
and climax Ė prematurely now,
or not at all, if full arousal hasnít happened.

Foreplay seems distasteful
when folds of fat or wrinkled skin
fail to meet the fantasy entertained.
I donít want to see your body
so take me from behind,
we can pretend we arenít self-conscious
entertain our separate whims
of youth and firmness
and lie, indulgently dissatisfied.
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Offline SparkyDashforth

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Re: In Later Years
« Reply #1 on: February 11, 2012, 09:01:51 PM »
Hi Sio a gritty and acerbic piece with a lot of truth-telling in it.

Most older couples, quietly going to seed, bring humor to their lovemaking
and it is hoped, some compassion.  
My edit would keep the poem punchy, so would tweak the unnecessary and cut the latter lines.

Suggest-


Lust still hardens and moistens.
Essential moving parts

throb, pulses and climax Ė
prematurely,
or not at all.

Foreplay can be distasteful
when folds of fat or wrinkled skin
fail to meet the fantasy.
 
I don't want to see your body
so take me from behind.


« Last Edit: February 11, 2012, 09:03:48 PM by SparkyDashforth »

Offline 510bhan

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Re: In Later Years
« Reply #2 on: February 11, 2012, 09:03:58 PM »
I'll compromise with you! ;D I want to keep 'lie indulgently dissatisfied' for the double meaning. ;)
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Offline SparkyDashforth

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Re: In Later Years
« Reply #3 on: February 11, 2012, 09:13:54 PM »
Yea, I kinda like that also ;)

Offline duck

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Re: In Later Years
« Reply #4 on: February 12, 2012, 04:12:56 PM »
Enjoyed this very much, though am now feeling a little depresssed about the time before me. Should this not have an 'adult content' label, if only to warn our younger brethern that it deals with elder sex.
Duck

Offline 510bhan

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Re: In Later Years
« Reply #5 on: February 12, 2012, 04:19:25 PM »
Sorry duck :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[ :-[

I didn't mean to spoil your future. ;D
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drafty posh shark

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Re: In Later Years
« Reply #6 on: February 12, 2012, 04:54:08 PM »
Sio this seems like a letter to deirdre in the sun it's all  cold and without emotion which left me thinking so what  it didn't grip me or make me feel and left me thinking it needs emotion. I like your poetry but feel this is not up to the usual stsndard

Offline 510bhan

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Re: In Later Years
« Reply #7 on: February 12, 2012, 04:57:52 PM »
Thanks M -- it was meant to be devoid of passion though I can see that the need/desire ought to be addressed with some more 'emotion' even if it is disappointment.

Cheers. ;)
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Offline bobthebuilder

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Re: In Later Years
« Reply #8 on: February 12, 2012, 11:48:53 PM »
Really harsh and a little depressing, but if that was your intent, you nailed it. It has that deliciously dry tongue in cheek humor that the Brits do so well. I think it was pretty cleverly done.
Losers quit when they get tired. Winners quit when they win.

Offline 510bhan

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Re: In Later Years
« Reply #9 on: February 13, 2012, 07:12:48 AM »
Thanks bob . . . this is going to sound so weird -- glad it depressed you -- hope you understand what I mean. ;D
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drafty posh shark

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Re: In Later Years
« Reply #10 on: February 13, 2012, 03:18:14 PM »
Hi Sio apologies if I sounded harsh especially if the total lack of emotion was intentional.

I must say this is the darkest / starkest piece of writing I have read in a while and no doubt a relity for some in servicing needs but fundamentally a lesson in the n must be in the wrong relationship and should run for the hills, as life is too short.   

Offline drab

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Re: In Later Years
« Reply #11 on: February 13, 2012, 03:45:25 PM »
Cocaine, viagra, loud music, maybe a vibrating thing or two might help you 5.  :o
Oh, and instead of being taken from behind, you could just turn the lights off.  ;D
You seem to be experimenting with different styles recently 5, I like this... but I would, wouldn't I.
Regards

Disclaimer.
I am not advocating the use of recreational drugs for any young people in the audience.
To live, with gentle but cunning deceit, and accept the consequences, is the destiny of every man.

Offline 510bhan

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Re: In Later Years
« Reply #12 on: February 13, 2012, 03:50:07 PM »
There are plenty of 'assists', but they still don't make it quite the same as when you were young, fit and fabulous and disguises -- unless you did a lot of role play and dressing up when you were young, this is what awaits you if you still want to see what's going on. Fumbling in the dark would be even more scary I would think. ;D ;D ;D ;D Ew! What's that?

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Offline drab

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Re: In Later Years
« Reply #13 on: February 13, 2012, 03:51:47 PM »
It's like a penis... only smaller.  :o
To live, with gentle but cunning deceit, and accept the consequences, is the destiny of every man.

Offline 510bhan

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Re: In Later Years
« Reply #14 on: February 13, 2012, 03:53:19 PM »
Gee . . . and all these years I wondered. :o ;D ;D ;D ;D
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