Author Topic: Stronger Than Imagined (1,113) Skip's novel  (Read 1655 times)

Offline Leanna

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Re: Stronger Than Imagined (1,113) Skip's novel
« Reply #15 on: February 10, 2012, 04:29:48 AM »
Hi Skip,
Nice! You kept me reading.
I realize this is a chapter out of the middle of a novel, so perhaps all the characters have been introduced previously. Considering that I'm jumping in the middle here, it's a bit character-intense but again that may not be an issue if they are well formed previously in the book.

Mark of the dead - it seemed that if you capitalize Mark, as if "mark of the dead" is a particular kind of mark, then "Dead" should also be capitalized. Same perhaps for "the great-brown" - is that the name of something in particular?




Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: Stronger Than Imagined (1,113) Skip's novel
« Reply #16 on: February 10, 2012, 04:44:34 AM »
Good point(s). You're right, this is deep into chapter 38 so the characters are well known at this point.

I'll go correct those titles now. Thank you for pointing that out. (I should know better by now) :-[ Thank you.

The 'Great-Brown' refers to a Grizzly-bear. When Matt came of age, the first animal taken in the solo hunt became his spirit guide.


EDIT: I repaired those spots you found. Again, thank you.
« Last Edit: February 10, 2012, 04:55:45 AM by Skip Slocum »
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Offline 510bhan

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Re: Stronger Than Imagined (1,113) Skip's novel
« Reply #17 on: February 10, 2012, 07:36:05 AM »
wants a bone [singular] let's give him ONE

or

wants bones let's give him some

 ;) ;) ;)
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Offline Alice, a Country Gal

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Re: Stronger Than Imagined (1,113) Skip's novel
« Reply #18 on: February 10, 2012, 08:49:35 AM »
That's an idea. Ease up on the arguments somewhat and focus on 'What is needed to control gossip' (done for Megan's sake)

oh, here's what I came up with to change that dialogue from Seferis. I thought I might let this line tee-up Cugan's retort.


...
Seferis nodded. “You may be right. We can use this. If his hound wants a bone, let’s give him a few.

Cugan rolled his glass between his hands. “Turlock might not be the only jackal. Who knows how many Ruga has planted or swayed.”
...

Hows this?

I like this Skip. Not only does it say what needs saying - it does so in words I can imagine Seferis and Cugan speaking.  ;)
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Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: Stronger Than Imagined (1,113) Skip's novel
« Reply #19 on: February 10, 2012, 10:49:25 AM »
Hey Sio, I have a question. You wrote: wants a bone [singular] let's give him ONE  Must I do it this way in the name of SPAG or is it up for debate. This is why I ask, If he wants a bone (singular) lets give him a few with the plural I was trying to say 'Give him more than he bargained for'  (that's what I was trying for) but if its too jarring its easy enough to fix yes?  ;D

Hey Miss Alice, I'm want to show/build a heavy bond of trust between these men so I'm glad its starting to come through.

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Offline 510bhan

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Re: Stronger Than Imagined (1,113) Skip's novel
« Reply #20 on: February 10, 2012, 10:55:20 AM »
As it's dialogue you can get away with anything -- and if your intention is to wind him up, great. I'd italicise the phrase with 'few' for emphasis so it's clear that's what he means.  ;)

If his hound wants a bone, let’s give him a few.
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Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: Stronger Than Imagined (1,113) Skip's novel
« Reply #21 on: February 10, 2012, 11:03:43 AM »
Okay, I can see that. It's like adding an inflection in his voice showing emphasis with his comparison. I'm used to using Italics with the tildes for the Keening voice so it zoomed over my head to use it otherwise. Thank you. Another tool for the tote-tray.
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Offline mfarraday

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Re: Stronger Than Imagined (1,113) Skip's novel
« Reply #22 on: February 12, 2012, 11:35:18 AM »
Quote
“Ruga awaits the King’s passing. While you yet grieve, He will declare war. My head, or as he knew, the head of your son was supposed to be the pendant seal attached to his decree.”

the entire piece in general flowed well in general to me, but i highlighted the one quote i did not understand. i liked the part where it seemed like a 'vulcan mind meld' between the Grandfather and Matt. i read through it twice since it seemed like there were a lot of details for anyone who had not read previous installments.

i liked the atmosphere you created, there were a lot of names at the end but i felt like i could keep up with the pace. you used the parts between italics well.

all in all an enjoyable piece.




Offline Dawn

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Re: Stronger Than Imagined (1,113) Skip's novel
« Reply #23 on: February 12, 2012, 12:20:49 PM »
Skip, this has a nice flow to your story. My computer crashed and I lost your page, yet I felt compelled to go back and re-read, which is a massive compliment. ;D
Time to take it serious and get the job done

Offline Skip Slocum

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Re: Stronger Than Imagined (1,113) Skip's novel
« Reply #24 on: February 12, 2012, 01:53:19 PM »
mfarraday, You're right that was a complicated statement. But this is indeed part of a long piece so it gets muddy at times in capsules. I call my 'mind meld'  'The Keening' = the gift of the knowing from Odin.  ;D Thank you for reading and commenting.

Aliemama, Thank you very much.
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