Author Topic: Stuck in my head-A poem about writers block  (Read 1799 times)

Offline ArtfulHelix

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Stuck in my head-A poem about writers block
« on: February 03, 2012, 03:34:51 PM »
I am stuck in my head

what a sad place to be

words run round and elude me

Images flash by

some real some only mine

I stomp I scream I let it all out

I wish for peace but scramble about

 

Where have you gone o muse of mine

am I to stay here for all time

am I to run round desperate to fly

if only you'd come lift me to the sky

if only I could catch those thought that fly by

I sit and wait hands full

I sit and wish for only you

you fill my mind

yet my hands sit idly by

 

How long shall I roam

unable to return home

o muse where have you gone

I beg you wont you come

 
Make my idle hands fly

across my keyboard words wont come

still I sit and wait for you to return

Offline Katinka

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Re: Stuck in my head-A poem about writers block
« Reply #1 on: February 03, 2012, 05:59:28 PM »
Well, I don't know what's wrong, something is.
Maybe "I stomp...it doesn't quite go with the start.
The next stanza reads well. I think its your best.
kat

Offline ArtfulHelix

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Re: Stuck in my head-A poem about writers block
« Reply #2 on: February 03, 2012, 08:09:43 PM »
Thank you :). Its a first draft. I went to write a blog, and that's what came out. I have always had a mixed stile so some times I can't see whats wrong with it.

Offline SparkyDashforth

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Re: Stuck in my head-A poem about writers block
« Reply #3 on: February 04, 2012, 10:13:09 AM »
When I get 'writers block' which is hardly ever, but when I do
I just write.  I write anything, even words about not being able to write, but I don't poet them.
This comes across as no more than a mind-dump.
Very poor post.


Offline Vienna

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Re: Stuck in my head-A poem about writers block
« Reply #4 on: February 04, 2012, 10:25:26 AM »
A first draft?Pick another subject maybe? This didn't work for me. I will see if I can dig out an old one that was my take on writer's block.


Found it..............

A writer's life


Mont Blanc
in sweaty grip, he stares
at the empty sheet of vellum
in front of him on  the cracked  antique bureau
with a sigh he leans back in his Chippendale chair

stands  up, wipes his watery eyes,
cleans his Ray Bans, slips into
his Barbour, green wellingtons,
takes the shotgun from the rack,
rubbing the polished stock he smiles
and closes the back door firmly
 
 


« Last Edit: February 04, 2012, 10:33:47 AM by Vienna »
Just a well-read punk peasant

Going to church makes you a christian as much as standing in a garage makes you a car!

Offline ArtfulHelix

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Re: Stuck in my head-A poem about writers block
« Reply #5 on: February 04, 2012, 10:38:45 AM »
There is no need to be rude people. It started as a blog post. I had stop coming to this site because some people don't know how to be polite. constructive criticism is better then simple rudeness! And to be frank this is the only writers site that any person hasn't liked it. I have no trouble listening to opinions, ideas, or constructive replies. But if you chose to be rude don't comment at all.

Vienna- I like that. so why say pick a differant subject, what exactly do you find wrong with this?
« Last Edit: February 04, 2012, 10:42:25 AM by ArtfulHelix »

Offline Vienna

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Re: Stuck in my head-A poem about writers block
« Reply #6 on: February 04, 2012, 10:57:29 AM »
I think it is more like a moan than a poem. I don't like the contrived rhyming, perhaps it is supposed to be full of self-pity. Leaves me cold, that's it. I don't think anyone has been rude.
Just a well-read punk peasant

Going to church makes you a christian as much as standing in a garage makes you a car!

Offline ArtfulHelix

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Re: Stuck in my head-A poem about writers block
« Reply #7 on: February 04, 2012, 11:12:49 AM »
SparkyDashforth is the one I felt was rude. The way he put it sounded like he was saying he is better then me. I did just what he said he dose wrote about not being able to write, but put it into a form. Just writing about it is a mind dump, not forming it is a mind dump. I did not mean you where rude. It is what is considered free form poetry. I have bin told that before on this poem.

Offline SparkyDashforth

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Re: Stuck in my head-A poem about writers block
« Reply #8 on: February 04, 2012, 12:36:01 PM »
You can 'feel' I was rude Artful that's your prerogative.
Mine is to call it as I see it.

Offline ArtfulHelix

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Re: Stuck in my head-A poem about writers block
« Reply #9 on: February 04, 2012, 12:50:09 PM »
I do feel it was rude the way you put it. How exactly can it be nothing more then a mind dump when it is structured and formed into something. I am not the first to write a poem about writers block and I won't be the last. I did exactly what you said you do, I wrote about not being able to write. I find no fault in that. you could have elaborated and told me why it came across that way. Insted the way you put it is I am better then you because I don't do it that way. Just because you don't like it doesn't make it bad, there are people on my other sites who loved it, could realate to the frustration of writers block.

Offline drab

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Re: Stuck in my head-A poem about writers block
« Reply #10 on: February 04, 2012, 12:54:58 PM »
If this is the only site where it wasn't liked it speaks volumes for MWC.
The other ones are telling you what you want to hear.
Sparks was not being rude, just honest IMO
Regards
To live, with gentle but cunning deceit, and accept the consequences, is the destiny of every man.

Offline SparkyDashforth

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Re: Stuck in my head-A poem about writers block
« Reply #11 on: February 04, 2012, 01:07:28 PM »
I am absolutely positive that there "are people on other sites that loved it."
You may find some here.  I did not.
If you choose to stay in RMP you may want to indicate
what level of criticism you are comfortable with.

1.  I found the opening lines to be weak and Telling.
2. The rest of S1 is very unoriginal and over-the-top.  It lacks any inward visual that a reader might expect.
3. The first line of S2 is naively retro, romantically rhetorical and frankly dopey.
4. The rest of S2 is repetitive and platitudinous.
5. The lines in S3 are just ridiculously blah -

"How long shall I roam
unable to return home
o muse where have you gone
I beg you wont you come"

6.  The last stanza is stunningly predictable and poorly expressed.

I usually don't offer a detailed review for such poor writing, but you requested it.

Learn!


Sparky


Offline Don

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Re: Stuck in my head-A poem about writers block
« Reply #12 on: February 04, 2012, 01:42:25 PM »
AH -

The title of this thread is Review My Poetry. The key word is review. Anything posted is fair game. The only proper response to a critique is either thank you, or nothing at all.

The responder has taken the time out of their day to read what you have posted and make a comment. Whether or not you agree with the comment is beside the point. Not every comment will be helpful. Not every responder will be a poet. That is also beside the point. If you choose to post, accept the responses gracefully. Keep the wheat, discard the chaff and say thank you to all. Any other response is both rude and amateurish.

Don -
I have a motto: when in doubt, go for the cheap laugh.

Offline Vienna

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Re: Stuck in my head-A poem about writers block
« Reply #13 on: February 04, 2012, 01:44:49 PM »
AH -

The title of this thread is Review My Poetry. The key word is review. Anything posted is fair game. The only proper response to a critique is either thank you, or nothing at all.

The responder has taken the time out of their day to read what you have posted and make a comment. Whether or not you agree with the comment is beside the point. Not every comment will be helpful. Not every responder will be a poet. That is also beside the point. If you choose to post, accept the responses gracefully. Keep the wheat, discard the chaff and say thank you to all. Any other response is both rude and amateurish.

Don -


a round of applause for Don! very well put mate!
Just a well-read punk peasant

Going to church makes you a christian as much as standing in a garage makes you a car!

Offline ArtfulHelix

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Re: Stuck in my head-A poem about writers block
« Reply #14 on: February 04, 2012, 02:00:06 PM »
I have no problem with him not liking it. I am no fool, I know not every person will love or even like it. I may have overstepped, I have bin having a very bad day. It just sounded more like an insalt to me. Like it was wrong for me to put my frustration to poetry, is that not one of the things poetry is for. I understand its for review, that is why I put it there, hoping that maybe I could get some idea of how to improve upon it, not told simple its crap. And if it was crap I would not have bin asked to become a blogger for the publishing site that may be picking up my book, and upgraded to an author's account before even giving my answer. Like I said I may have bin a little over the top in my response, I apologise for that. But it still dose not help the way it sounded.