I like the newer version better as well, though some of the wording seems a little unclear at times. Does Daniel have only two fingers on one hand? Also, as a general screenwriting question, why describe a basically generic flower shop? Just the term "flower shop" evokes certain things in my mind. I don't know if Daryl would need more detailed description, such as:
"A sheen on the Blood Lilies and Stelitzia Regininae..." instead of "A sheen on green leaves of exotic plants..." But this is what I'd do in a novel. I have no idea if you need that kind of detail in a screenplay, though the ones I read that use it are wonderful.
In general, if I was watching this as a film, I'd be willing to follow a little longer until Daniel starts talking. The situation and what he says would be crucial to whether I kept watching. I don't need every film to be chatty, but I find it easier to care about people when I "eavesdrop" on them.
I'm sure by now you're pages further into the script, Daryl. I'm still reading.
