Author Topic: Mrs McCready takes a break  (Read 2585 times)

Offline Dylan di Vilde

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Mrs McCready takes a break
« on: February 01, 2012, 06:11:52 AM »


I could tell Kyle Sheeney was going to be an evil little sod before he even set foot in the classroom. Sometimes you just know. Just like I knew little Alexander Loveday would be a polite, golden-haired moppet who’s always happy to stay behind and help clear up. Or Cortnee Taylor would be a horrid, deceitful, scheming minx. Sometimes children just seem to grow into their names and I feel no matter what I do, no matter how I believe I can shape their minds and mould them into well-balanced and educated members of society, there’s nothing you can do with a Kyle. Fancy calling him Kyle - you might just as well give him a one way ticket to the Young Offenders Institute.

Strange how one little word can dictate how their lives will turn out.  Keeley will surely end up on the check out at Tesco, Paige will marry a footballer no doubt. I suppose Brandon might just avoid a jail cell but as for Lee – well, somewhere out there, there’s an uninsured Vauxhall Corsa with his name on it.  Still, at least no-one’s named their offspring Asbo yet but I’m sure it’s only a matter of time.

And when I think of dear little Chelsee and Shanice poor little mites – innocence itself at 7 years old but they’ll be up the duff at fourteen no doubt about it.
 
Of course, I shouldn’t stereotype, it’s wrong to make such assumptions about children – I mean, I went to school with some Sharons and Traceys who turned out to be perfectly nice girls, not at all what you’d expect. They were always very popular….very popular  - especially with…with the boys. Although now I think about it, they did spend a lot more time in the bike sheds than the simple pumping up of a slow puncture would account for.   

Perhaps they should let teachers re-name children – now there’s an idea. I’d love to have a classroom full of polite little Peters and Susans. Thank you Peter, my you have polished your shoes well this morning. And Susan – what a lovely chocolate cake, that’s so thoughtful.  And if one of the Waynes looks like he’s going to be a troublemaker I shall call him Ashley - then let’s see how tough he is. Chelsee and Shanice will be re-branded as Hortensia and Grizelda – it’ll be hard for them at first but at least it might put off motherhood until they find someone who really, really loves them. What a tool that would be for keeping order. Any more of that Callum Jenkins and you’ll be re-named Gaylord. Do you want to be a Gaylord?  No I thought not – now sit down and behave.

Yes - incur my wrath and I’ll turn you into a Nellie and send you to sit on the naughty table with Mongo, Smike, Clodmella and Allophantia. There to await your fate. Yes, that’ll teach ‘em to mess with me.

Anyway, better be getting back. Lets see who Kyle has tried to strangle this lunchtime.

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Offline Gyppo

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Re: Mrs McCready takes a break
« Reply #1 on: February 01, 2012, 07:10:05 AM »
Love it.  Isn't it fun sometimes to just play with stereotypes until the wheels fall off ;-).
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Offline Mark H

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Re: Mrs McCready takes a break
« Reply #2 on: February 01, 2012, 08:52:49 AM »
Thanks. That brought back some wonderful memories of good times in the bike shed with Sharon.
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Offline ma100

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Re: Mrs McCready takes a break
« Reply #3 on: February 01, 2012, 09:08:38 AM »
The bike sheds Mark, too flippin' drafty out there. The cloakrooms a much warmer option. ::) :P

Memories have been stirred Dylan. :)

Offline Dylan di Vilde

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Re: Mrs McCready takes a break
« Reply #4 on: February 01, 2012, 09:18:34 AM »
Thanks. That brought back some wonderful memories of good times in the bike shed with Sharon.


Ah yes the joys of bell polishing, gear lubrication and saddle adjustment. 
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Offline Mark H

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Re: Mrs McCready takes a break
« Reply #5 on: February 01, 2012, 09:29:27 AM »
Don't forget nipple greasing.
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Offline Dylan di Vilde

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Re: Mrs McCready takes a break
« Reply #6 on: February 01, 2012, 09:48:30 AM »
Or shifting your derailleur actuation ratio.
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Offline Mark H

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Re: Mrs McCready takes a break
« Reply #7 on: February 01, 2012, 09:55:41 AM »
Ahh, those were the days. I had a bright red chopper back then.
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Offline Dylan di Vilde

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Re: Mrs McCready takes a break
« Reply #8 on: February 01, 2012, 10:17:12 AM »
Really? Mine was a 26 inch Sit up and Beg.
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Offline Mark H

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Re: Mrs McCready takes a break
« Reply #9 on: February 01, 2012, 10:38:00 AM »
Impressive! But my chopper could take 3 girls side saddle and it never ever let me down.
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Offline Gyppo

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Re: Mrs McCready takes a break
« Reply #10 on: February 01, 2012, 02:33:57 PM »
The Raleigh Chopper:  The bike which convinced me ROSPA were a bunch of idiots when they said it was 'safe'.  Even if Mark could get three girls on his  ;-)
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Offline 510bhan

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Re: Mrs McCready takes a break
« Reply #11 on: February 01, 2012, 04:15:57 PM »
Thoroughly enjoyed this. In my experience Gavins turned out to be miscreants. Teaching really buggers up your name choices for your own children, or characters in books! ;D
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Offline Gyppo

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Re: Mrs McCready takes a break
« Reply #12 on: February 01, 2012, 04:33:43 PM »
I have to say I've met a lot of bad Trevors.  And a few good ones.  I dare say my impressions were coloured by one I worked with many years ago.  He was a pale, colourless insipid looking little sod who never did a fraction more than he had to.  The classic milquetoast.

One day the police came in and took him away from work because he's kicked an Alsatian dog to death in the park.  This wasn't some poor tethered helpless beast, but a dog running free.  According to eyewitnesses he just went berserk.  He killed it himself, it didn't need to be put down because of injuries.  (I've wondered since if drugs were involved, but don't know.)

It was noticeable that the arresting officers didn't bring a dog with them.  But they were both big and burly old-time coppers and did come in through the two separate doors at the same time, each with a hand through the loop of his truncheon.  The boss thought they'd initially come to scrounge cakes or a cup of tea ;-)

Trevor went as meekly as a lamb, which made his attack on the dog seem even more out of character.

Gyppo
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Offline Dylan di Vilde

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Re: Mrs McCready takes a break
« Reply #13 on: February 02, 2012, 04:27:28 AM »
So-o …..

kicked
a dog
to death.

Well, that’s killed the mood Gyppo.


And it was all going so well too.
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Offline Mark H

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Re: Mrs McCready takes a break
« Reply #14 on: February 02, 2012, 05:00:56 AM »
Perhaps you could work it into your story  :-\ People are very emotional about their dogs though so I'd suggest that have young Trev kick a pensioner to death instead: less controversial.
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