Author Topic: poem the pheonix's flame  (Read 352 times)

Offline weary_wanderer

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 17
    • View Profile
poem the pheonix's flame
« on: January 18, 2012, 01:38:09 PM »
Again, a poem I wrote just now as a first draft.  Struggling with writing something I'm happy with at the moment.  But will keep writing through this block and maybe one day something half-decent will come through  :)

Life was a phoenix, embraced with flames.
Consumed with the final show.
Will never know the games and dialogues
Of a conclusion.
Go-go-go, up and down like a child’s yo-yo.
Death to fire, let the ashes grow
To a new beginning.  Let the timid show
There’s no such thing as fusion
Between me and you.
Let the stranded call
SOS.  Words written in sand
And wiped away by the sea’s sure hand.
The phoenix lost itself in flames.

Offline SparkyDashforth

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3812
    • View Profile
Re: poem the pheonix's flame
« Reply #1 on: January 18, 2012, 05:47:45 PM »
I suppose the theme of this poem is, Life.
A very large sweeping subject :)
I think it might be better to pick an aspect of your life experience to write about.
When the subject is larger than the poem, words become trivial.
The metaphor of the Phoenix is done to death IMO.
Keep writing, you show some promise.