Author Topic: Sheila (working title) Word Count 428  (Read 1644 times)

Offline Alice, a Country Gal

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Re: Sheila (working title) Word Count 428
« Reply #15 on: January 15, 2012, 08:34:25 AM »
Thank you Magic and Lucky. It is always good to hear someone enjoys the read.  More will come, but it might take awhile since I want to get more written before I do anymore editing.

That said, I want to thank everyone for their feedback once again. Hopefully I'll remember to watch for the same type of things as I continue with the story.  ;)
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Offline Dawn

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Re: Sheila (working title) Word Count 428
« Reply #16 on: January 15, 2012, 01:02:23 PM »
I agree with the others Alice. Your words paint a thousand pictures.
Very intriguing and cannot wait to read more.
Time to take it serious and get the job done

Offline Alice, a Country Gal

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Re: Sheila (working title) Word Count 428
« Reply #17 on: January 15, 2012, 09:35:56 PM »
Your word are so kind and make me feel great.  Thank you.
MWC Charity Publications.
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight>
The universe is made of stories, not of atoms. -Muriel Rukeyser, poet and activist (15 Dec 1913-1980)

R. L. Copple's: http://www.rlcopple.com/

I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.
-Mohandas K. Gandhi

Offline Klezmer

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Re: Sheila (working title) Word Count 428
« Reply #18 on: January 15, 2012, 09:44:13 PM »
This is really good.  I'd get rid of "lifetime ago," a little too much sentiment.  Also lines like "she had the same fluid movements" are a little jarring b/c you've already shown us this beautifully, the image slows down when you go ahead and tell us, too.  Those were really the only two areas I felt were weak, the rest was great.  I loved the line about wheat. Beautiful style!

Offline Alice, a Country Gal

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Re: Sheila (working title) Word Count 428
« Reply #19 on: January 16, 2012, 12:05:42 PM »
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment Klezmer. The encouraging words are appreciated too.  ;)

I'm saving all the feedback and critiques to double check when I go back and edit. It may be a little while since I like to let the words simmer first.  ;)
MWC Charity Publications.
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight>
The universe is made of stories, not of atoms. -Muriel Rukeyser, poet and activist (15 Dec 1913-1980)

R. L. Copple's: http://www.rlcopple.com/

I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.
-Mohandas K. Gandhi

Offline mfarraday

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Re: Sheila (working title) Word Count 428
« Reply #20 on: February 10, 2012, 09:52:06 PM »
i like the mystery of this. very interesting. that is the beauty of flash fiction, and you definitely encapsulated the 'genre' for lack of a better word in just the few hundred words you chose. does this go anywhere else? i'd like to read further.

very nicely done. i am there in the bar with the rest of them. you can't ask for anything better than that.
« Last Edit: February 10, 2012, 09:53:50 PM by mfarraday »



Offline wanderer

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Re: Sheila (working title) Word Count 428
« Reply #21 on: February 10, 2012, 10:21:27 PM »
I like it a lot and the imagery painted a clear picture in my mind as to what is going on. Now I'd like to know who she is, since the "mystery" has been set up  ;)
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Offline Leanna

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Re: Sheila (working title) Word Count 428
« Reply #22 on: February 11, 2012, 03:20:24 AM »
I really liked this, it kept me reading and makes me want to know more.

I feel that with 510bhan's edits applied, it will be a very strong piece.

Offline Alice, a Country Gal

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Re: Sheila (working title) Word Count 428
« Reply #23 on: February 11, 2012, 11:22:21 AM »
mfarraday, wanderer and Leanna, my thanks to each of you for your interest and kind words.

There will be more on Sheila, just need to let that opening sit awhile so the rest of the story can unfold.

I agree, I received some good suggestions and critiques and I'm sure I'll make good use of them when I start editing - but in my case, I've learned that editing is best done cold. You know, after I've been away from it long enough to be able to look at it with fresh eyes.  ;)

Saying that, your interest spurs me on to work harder on her story.
MWC Charity Publications.
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight>
The universe is made of stories, not of atoms. -Muriel Rukeyser, poet and activist (15 Dec 1913-1980)

R. L. Copple's: http://www.rlcopple.com/

I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.
-Mohandas K. Gandhi