Author Topic: Star Eyed  (Read 1380 times)

Offline 13moonstreams

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Star Eyed
« on: November 28, 2011, 01:18:58 PM »
   of faux pas and
   fastening to the whirring of the void
   submerging under this ever-multiplying vacantness
   the brain's switch turns itself off spontaneously
   bleached out, and put upon a blank
   motioned by the ticking and blinking of dysfunctional clocks

   every now and then
   the pacing of time in a dormant stage
   on an invisible axis,
   it gracefully learns to rotate,
   evolving into ice, then turning into water
   the silver lining of  
   something more fragile,
   something colder - -
   convulsionating, and grotesque

   A violent romance with wraiths,
   sharing coitus with a star-eyed specter
   dealing with past memories that shouldn't be here anymore
   condoning and letting it all go
   pouring wax to seal the doors
   lords of leisure and rulers of the soon-to-be disposed
   How can one be true
   when all that you know you should be
   constitutes the fabric of something imagined
   by a quiet stranger?
  
  
« Last Edit: November 28, 2011, 01:30:39 PM by 13moonstreams »

Offline SparkyDashforth

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Re: Star Eyed
« Reply #1 on: November 28, 2011, 04:52:25 PM »
When we don't have control of our imagination and have no focus or structure in mind
we are often the creators of our own confusion.  What occurs is an imaginative
work with some interesting lines but no clear subject or theme.
There is a lot of this sort of stuff on the internet, and its all some kind of mind-dump
that never quite makes it to poetry.  Its good to write every day, but we should be able
to edit and self-assess our works for clarity and accessibility to the reader.



sparky

 


Offline 510bhan

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Re: Star Eyed
« Reply #2 on: November 28, 2011, 09:21:24 PM »
I am confused rather than moved or impressed . . . :-[

Offline 13moonstreams

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Re: Star Eyed
« Reply #3 on: November 29, 2011, 06:48:36 PM »
I am confused rather than moved or impressed . . . :-[

Yeah I don't even know why I posted this one, it's not even done yet. I guess I got carried away a little u__u

Offline AshleyNHart

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Re: Star Eyed
« Reply #4 on: December 01, 2011, 05:25:36 PM »
I am confused... but keep up the work. Just modify it and try to make it more personal... I found that when I make things a little more personal that can related to me as well as other, It helps the flow of things more. But dont give up. :)

Offline Cyd

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Re: Star Eyed
« Reply #5 on: December 02, 2011, 12:42:44 PM »

Quote
I don't even know why I posted this one, it's not even done yet. I guess I got carried away a little u__u

Get carried away some more and polish it.  This is very intriguing.