I'm very impressed by this powerful writing. It's powerful without being showy or emotional. I especially like the last line. I get the image of a mysterious necromancer exhuming a broken fossilized egg containing the embryo of an ancient being, trying to spring forth from the egg, but dying as it is born. I love the use of the words "caress" and "carcass": simply brilliant.
In the last line, the necromancer's caress causes the carcass to regain color and re-enter being. You can read many things into this poem; it is rich in symbolism. Perhaps the necromancer is one's own higher self and the dead embryo brought back to life is a part of the self that had long been repressed and buried beneath layers of guilt and shame. The only changes I would make to the poem, and theyare very minor, are to chop a few unncecessary articles and place a dash at the end to emphasize the magical transformation in the last line:
With gradual caress
the carcass is exhumed
newly hatched, wingless
in worm-like form
attempting to spring up
heart clothed
in dust and ashes --
regains color
The 'ing' in attempting expresses the idea that as a dead creature the carcass was attempting to spring forth, but died in the act. The word regains (present tense) indicates that the creature is now returning to life, as a result of the caress.
I think the poem is wonderful as it stands, but it could be the beginning of a longer work of self-exploration. You might consider meditating deeply on this work, to see what it is telling you about yourself. Then write -- continue this thread, weave deeper into your psyche.
