Author Topic: Necromancer  (Read 2092 times)

Offline 13moonstreams

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Necromancer
« on: November 24, 2011, 08:16:16 PM »
      
     
      With gradual caress 
      the carcass is exhumed
      newly hatched, wingless
      in worm-like form
      attempting to spring up
      heart clothed
      in dust and ashes --
      regains color
      
« Last Edit: November 28, 2011, 12:40:58 PM by 13moonstreams »

Offline drab

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Re: Necromancer
« Reply #1 on: November 24, 2011, 08:38:03 PM »
To me the title seemed to imply necrophilia but you'd get a bony ride from a corpse that had no flesh? 'Dust/ashes'
Then I thought that you're talking about the person rising to the afterlife, but it the corpse was that decayed why would it take that long to 'move on'?
I like 'newly hatched and wingless'. Which hints at waiting to fly to Heaven. But the 2nd last line is wrong on many levels.
You need to put some flesh on them bones (pardon the pun)
Regards
To live, with gentle but cunning deceit, and accept the consequences, is the destiny of every man.

Offline SparkyDashforth

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Re: Necromancer
« Reply #2 on: November 24, 2011, 09:04:08 PM »

I really dig this 13,

it is loaded with powerful subliminal images that
really worked on this reader.

The necromancer epithet I take in its broader sense of sorcerer.
For me it is a poem with many layers, the reader can take his or her subjective pick.

"With a gradual caress
 the carcass is exhumed"

How perfect is this, with its tender
view of a transitional passage of life to life?
The gradual caress of after-death or afterlife?
Makes me think of metamorphosis and spiritual evolution.

"newly hatched, and wingless
 in a worm-like form"

O how that wingless worm drives deep
into my imagination!  It births so many visions.
Brilliant Showing.

"attempting to spring up"  Do you need this?

"a heart clothed in dust and ashes
regains color"

Yes! A heart clothed in ash. Phoenix or dragon?
There is no 'heart' without the ash of suffering.
You use the term 'heart' in a justifiable sense here.

"regains color"

Or does it reinvent or re-imagine color?

In any event this is one of the best poems I have read on this forum.

Bravo

Sparky












Offline 510bhan

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Re: Necromancer
« Reply #3 on: November 24, 2011, 10:09:13 PM »
Neato! You done a goodie ;D ;D ;D

Love the newly hatched image ;D

Offline 13moonstreams

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Re: Necromancer
« Reply #4 on: November 25, 2011, 01:10:06 AM »
I really dig this 13,

it is loaded with powerful subliminal images that
really worked on this reader.

The necromancer epithet I take in its broader sense of sorcerer.
For me it is a poem with many layers, the reader can take his or her subjective pick.

"With a gradual caress
 the carcass is exhumed"

How perfect is this, with its tender
view of a transitional passage of life to life?
The gradual caress of after-death or afterlife?
Makes me think of metamorphosis and spiritual evolution.

"newly hatched, and wingless
 in a worm-like form"

O how that wingless worm drives deep
into my imagination!  It births so many visions.
Brilliant Showing.

"attempting to spring up"  Do you need this?

"a heart clothed in dust and ashes
regains color"

Yes! A heart clothed in ash. Phoenix or dragon?
There is no 'heart' without the ash of suffering.
You use the term 'heart' in a justifiable sense here.

"regains color"

Or does it reinvent or re-imagine color?

In any event this is one of the best poems I have read on this forum.

Bravo

Sparky














Why THANK YOU SPARKY! And yes, I know "attempting to spring up" sounds a bit awkward and out of place, but I was trying to represent the act of lifting one's self in order to regain a second life. Hence the "Necromancer" thing! I'm quite proud of this one. Even if it's a short piece, I think it's powerful! :) And as for the "regains color" part, it's basically referring to the loss of "feeling healthy and alive" I hope that explains much. I'm really trying to improve my writing skills (been working hard lately) and I think this is a good result of it (:
« Last Edit: November 25, 2011, 01:12:18 AM by 13moonstreams »

Offline 13moonstreams

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Re: Necromancer
« Reply #5 on: November 25, 2011, 01:14:32 AM »
Neato! You done a goodie ;D ;D ;D

Love the newly hatched image ;D

Glad you liked it, Sio! I feel proud of myself right now. I'm thinking of having a drink or two to celebrate the moment!

mlambere

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Re: Necromancer
« Reply #6 on: November 25, 2011, 02:08:27 PM »
Streamers I like the idea and the first 3 and last two lines  but  think it can be improved  re the following two lines

" in a worm-like form
        attempting to spring up"

  Worms and springs or different thinks and its did'nt  relate for me.   I get the worms aspects , guts intestine etc... just not the springs. Having seems lots of guts they tend to wobble and jelly  most un cobra like.       

 I will look out for more of your work .

Offline drab

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Re: Necromancer
« Reply #7 on: November 25, 2011, 04:12:51 PM »
Your explanations confuse me 13. Am I correct in saying that this poem is about someone who wants to change their life, to reinvent themselves, to move on to a better way of life; and it has nothing to do with death?
Regards
To live, with gentle but cunning deceit, and accept the consequences, is the destiny of every man.

kerygma12

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Re: Necromancer
« Reply #8 on: November 27, 2011, 10:04:58 AM »
I'm very impressed by this powerful writing. It's powerful without being showy or emotional. I especially like the last line. I get the image of a mysterious necromancer exhuming a broken fossilized egg containing the embryo of an ancient being, trying to spring forth from the egg, but dying as it is born. I love the use of the words "caress" and "carcass": simply brilliant.

In the last line, the necromancer's caress causes the carcass to regain color and re-enter being. You can read many things into this poem; it is rich in symbolism. Perhaps the necromancer is one's own higher self and the dead embryo brought back to life is a part of the self that had long been repressed and buried beneath layers of guilt and shame. The only changes I would make to the poem, and theyare very minor, are to chop a few unncecessary articles and place a dash at the end to emphasize the magical transformation in the last line:


With gradual caress 
the carcass is exhumed
newly hatched, wingless
in worm-like form
attempting to spring up
heart clothed
in dust and ashes --
regains color

The 'ing' in attempting expresses the idea that as a dead creature the carcass was attempting to spring forth, but died in the act. The word regains (present tense) indicates that the creature is now returning to life, as a result of the caress.

I think the poem is wonderful as it stands, but it could be the beginning of a longer work of self-exploration. You might consider meditating deeply on this work, to see what it is telling you about yourself. Then write -- continue this thread, weave deeper into your psyche.
     

Offline indar

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Re: Necromancer
« Reply #9 on: November 27, 2011, 02:22:12 PM »
I like the idea of a worm-like creature attempting to spring up (in this context anyway) the improbability of it implies to me a monumental effort towards radical change. Death and rebirth--a subject of endless fascination.

Offline 13moonstreams

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Re: Necromancer
« Reply #10 on: November 28, 2011, 12:36:14 PM »
I'm very impressed by this powerful writing. It's powerful without being showy or emotional. I especially like the last line. I get the image of a mysterious necromancer exhuming a broken fossilized egg containing the embryo of an ancient being, trying to spring forth from the egg, but dying as it is born. I love the use of the words "caress" and "carcass": simply brilliant.

In the last line, the necromancer's caress causes the carcass to regain color and re-enter being. You can read many things into this poem; it is rich in symbolism. Perhaps the necromancer is one's own higher self and the dead embryo brought back to life is a part of the self that had long been repressed and buried beneath layers of guilt and shame. The only changes I would make to the poem, and theyare very minor, are to chop a few unnecessary articles and place a dash at the end to emphasize the magical transformation in the last line:


With gradual caress  
the carcass is exhumed
newly hatched, wingless
in worm-like form
attempting to spring up
heart clothed
in dust and ashes --
regains color

The 'ing' in attempting expresses the idea that as a dead creature the carcass was attempting to spring forth, but died in the act. The word regains (present tense) indicates that the creature is now returning to life, as a result of the caress.

I think the poem is wonderful as it stands, but it could be the beginning of a longer work of self-exploration. You might consider meditating deeply on this work, to see what it is telling you about yourself. Then write -- continue this thread, weave deeper into your psyche.
    

Will do Kerygma, I think I like your accommodation of the text better; it demonstrates the flow that I was aiming to share in the first place. And yes, the "ing" is necessary for the poem. I was thinking about writing it like "attempt-ing" so that the reader could get the image of the being trying to emanate into life once more, but eventually failing.

Offline 13moonstreams

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Re: Necromancer
« Reply #11 on: November 28, 2011, 12:39:45 PM »
Your explanations confuse me 13. Am I correct in saying that this poem is about someone who wants to change their life, to reinvent themselves, to move on to a better way of life; and it has nothing to do with death?
Regards


You can see it anyway you'd like, drab, but it's mainly about the complicated art of Necromancing. ;)