Author Topic: Reminiscence (180 Word Flash Piece) -- Seeking Opinions of this Short Piece  (Read 2784 times)

Offline DivaWriter

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Your pain is felt through this piece and that is what writing is about.

Not too long ago, i lost my beloved sister.  She was the last of three to die.  I understand the the feelings of sadness.  Someone sid something to me that has helped me enjoy my memories.  I hope it will help you.

As long as you remember that person, a piece of him lives. Never forget him so he can continue to live.

Each person that read your piece, saw your husband today.

Wileygrrl, thank you for such a beautiful expression!  Yes, I truly know this to be true; as long as a loved one is remembered, they continue to live!

Offline Jillanne Nehls

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Diva,

BRAVO!  So poignant it truly touched my heart. So many people have lost a sibling, your story is sure to touch a lot of hearts.

I have this to say about that...

he appeared from around the corner of the house

Kilter said:
On first reading, this confused me a bit. As written, I thought a ghost of your husband had appeared. Perhaps you could just say something like: a vision of him appeared...

Sorry Kilter, but if that line is removed, the story is no near so emotional and poignant (i love that word). Diva, if you take it out, I will personally come over there and beat you with my red pen!

LOL
Jillanne - Moderator


Jillanne Nehls
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Offline DivaWriter

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Diva,

BRAVO!  So poignant it truly touched my heart. So many people have lost a sibling, your story is sure to touch a lot of hearts.

I have this to say about that...

he appeared from around the corner of the house

Kilter said:
On first reading, this confused me a bit. As written, I thought a ghost of your husband had appeared. Perhaps you could just say something like: a vision of him appeared...

Sorry Kilter, but if that line is removed, the story is no near so emotional and poignant (i love that word). Diva, if you take it out, I will personally come over there and beat you with my red pen!

LOL
Jillanne - Moderator

Jillanne!  You are such a sweetheart- thank you so much for your kind words, and, don't worry, I wouldn't touch that phrase for anything in the world!!
(Especially cause I don't want a beatin' with your Red Pen)!  ;D



SuzieHarris

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Diva,

Beautifully put. I share your pain and your visions. I have not lost my husband, but my son. I know where you are coming from. Writing eases the pain.

I wrote a peom for my son and it was accepted for publication in an anthology. It arrived on the anniversary of his death. A message from him, maybe?

Suzie xx

Offline Jillanne Nehls

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Hey Diva Dahling,

No problem!  Now you let me know if Lin and I can help you further. Have you seen the announcement on My Writers Circle and Writers Wanted?  We are here for you to see your dreams become real.

Smiles,
Jillanne - Moderator

"Jillanne!  You are such a sweetheart- thank you so much for your kind words, and, don't worry, I wouldn't touch that phrase for anything in the world!!
(Especially cause I don't want a beatin' with your Red Pen)!  "


 
 
 
 
Jillanne Nehls
Streamline Words
Refining the Writer ~ Representing
Authors to Agents & Publishers
Excellence in Ghostwriting
janehls@streamlinewords.com
www.streamlinewords.com

Offline DivaWriter

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Diva,

Beautifully put. I share your pain and your visions. I have not lost my husband, but my son. I know where you are coming from. Writing eases the pain.

I wrote a peom for my son and it was accepted for publication in an anthology. It arrived on the anniversary of his death. A message from him, maybe?

Suzie xx

O, wow, Susie!  You have my utmost sympathy!  I cannot imagine your pain- but then, maybe I can....  Yes, I absolutely think there is a message in that- I don't believe in coincidences!

Offline Jillanne Nehls

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Coincidences??  Indeed NOT. I don't believe in them either. In fact, I will go so far as to say, Diva, that you inspired many with your piece. It seems from the replies that many needed to read it for their own sakes.

KEEP IT UP!  My red pen is always handy.

Smiles and Hugs,
Jillanne - Moderator
Jillanne Nehls
Streamline Words
Refining the Writer ~ Representing
Authors to Agents & Publishers
Excellence in Ghostwriting
janehls@streamlinewords.com
www.streamlinewords.com