Author Topic: Kindle Kash Short Story Contest - The Winners!  (Read 5120 times)

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Kindle Kash Short Story Contest - The Winners!
« on: September 05, 2011, 07:50:17 AM »
I am pleased to reveal the winner and runners-up of the Kindle Kash Short Story Contest. As you may recall, this was for a science-fiction story of 1000 words or less that incorporated the word ‘kindle’.

The first prize winner, who gets a copy of my Kindle Kash course, is a new member, Dwisker (real name Dave Wisker), with his story ‘A Patter of Ghosts’.

The second prize winner, who receives a copy of the five-star-rated sci-fi/horror novel Voices by David Robinson (e-book version), is another new member, 772Rosemary (real name Rosemary Wycherley), with her entry ‘Planet of the Lost’.

The third prize winner, who gets a copy of my own e-book novella The Festival on Lyris Five is also quite new to MWC, but members may well have seen her around the boards in the last few weeks. Take a bow, Luana Spinetti, with her story ‘Soul Healers’.

Finally, fourth prize, Coronallium Conundrum by David Robinson, goes to yet another new member, Vertigo1 (real name Michael Stuart Trimmer), with Machina Sine Deo.

Congratulations to all four of the above, and commiserations to those who didn’t quite make it to the winners rostrum this time (especially to Comeonpowerball, who came fifth). I have sent PMs to all our winners regarding their prizes, but if you haven’t received this for some reason, feel free to contact me directly or reply in this topic.

All four winning stories are reproduced below, along with the judge’s comments. Congratulations again!

Nick  :)
« Last Edit: September 06, 2011, 03:19:31 AM by Nick »
Check out my writing blog at www.entrepreneurwriter.net. I also have a new UK personal finance blog called Pounds and Sense.

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First Prize Winner
« Reply #1 on: September 05, 2011, 07:55:19 AM »
A Patter of Ghosts

by Dwisker


He called her over when it was time. The soft chimes on the seismology board had been registering intermittent hits for some time now, but his eyes were on the large nighttime image of Earth that Central was transmitting to all the lunar stations from the main weather telescope at Copernicus.

“I don’t see any trails yet,” Frank said, as Elena leaned over his shoulder and handed him some coffee. She stood behind him, still in her workout clothes, staring at the screen. Here on the Moon, nothing was allowed to interfere with the mandatory exercise periods—no one was allowed to rotate home without the minimum time clocked—not even for something like this. So Elena had pushed right up to the last minute, and stood, toweling herself off, when the first faint streak appeared over the Atlantic. It stretched lazily in a long, red line, before winking out as fast as it had appeared. It looked just like the many meteor showers they watched together on Earth, or observed during their times on the Weather station rotation. But this one was different. He put his arm around her waist and pulled her close.

A sudden flurry of chimes from the board made them flinch, but the actual seismic readings barely registered: the impacts were no more threatening than the patter of raindrops. Far Side stations were expected to bear the brunt of the lunar impacts from the debris field, but there was little to actually worry about. The Seismology station was buried deep within the central peak of Tsiolkovskiy crater, and all the stations were built to withstand 7.0 moonquakes, so the couple was probably safe. But still. All shuttle traffic was grounded for the duration; every station was on its own.

He felt her begin to shiver. “Put some clothes on, woman,” he joked gently, pointing to the pile he had placed on her chair. Elena smiled and kissed the top of his head. He watched her strip off the workout clothes, finish toweling off, and get dressed. She helped herself to some of his coffee, then sat down and gripped his right hand tightly. Three or four trails were now streaking the screen before them, but at least the chimes had slowed down again

Real meteor showers were caused by clouds of rocks and dust, leftover celebratory balloons from the Solar System’s birth. But this was something completely different. It was a pall, an enormous jumble of wreckage from some unimaginable disaster. Two weeks earlier, a just-launched planetary probe on the way to Saturn flew though it and took stunning pictures of twisted chunks of metal, broken sections of what looked like spacecraft, melted, blackened and scarred, tumbling and glinting in the sunlight, headed right for Earth. Speculation ran rampant. Some thought it was the remnants of some impossibly huge battle, while others argued for a titanic space accident. Nobody really knew. There was almost no time to reflect, no time to digest any of its significance before becoming engulfed. All any government could do was warn its populace to find shelter during the debris shower, hoping for the best. The first tangible evidence of life beyond Earth had turned out to be the artifact of a massive tragedy, and the first thing anyone could do about it was to try and avoid becoming collateral damage.

Elena and Frank spent the time since the discovery preparing the station as best they could, double-checking the airlock seals, testing the emergency chamber over and over, and loading supplies from the last shuttle run. All that was left was the waiting and the wondering. For them, the isolation wasn’t a problem—they often volunteered to swap cushy Near Side rotations for the unpopular Far Side ones. Both were radioastronomers, and Far Side gigs earned extra telescope time on the huge lunar Jodrell Bank II radio telescope. The team with the most Far Side rotations also received preference for choice of rotation time on Earth. Frank and Elena always won handily, reserving August, the time of the Perseids.

They sat together in silence, listening to the chimes and watching the trails, for the first time being able to think about the enormity of it all. Finally, Elena spoke.

“Are we going to be able to watch the Perseids after this?” she wondered. She and Frank had watched every Perseid meteor shower together since they were sixteen, a ritual older than their wedding anniversary. Sitting with him now, her thoughts were drawn back to that first time, to the sweet awkwardness when he said he loved her, and how she felt those bright sparks in that dark sky kindle the most significant relationship of her life. The Perseids were always about hope, and the promise of their dreams. She didn’t want memories of the wreckage of an alien civilization to take that way from her, from them. She felt Frank’s hand slip from her grip and then come back to hold hers. She felt his gaze.

“Yes, of course,” Frank replied. “The Perseids aren’t about …this, anyway. They’re about us and how you and I work, not about humanity’s fretfulness over being alone.” He paused, concerned. “You didn’t really think that we’d abandon the Perseids over this, did you?”

Elena gave him a wan smile. “No, not really,” she said, looking down. “But haven’t you and I always wondered about extraterrestrial life? Isn’t it implicit in our job description? Nobody could blame us getting depressed about finding out this way…”

The night sky over Earth now looked like the Fourth of July to him. Like that perfect Fourth in New York during their last year in grad school, when he proposed to her in stopped traffic on the Verrazano Narrows Bridge, and they deliriously watched the fireworks over Manhattan announce their engagement to the world.

“I haven’t been alone since I was sixteen,” he said suddenly. Her head came to rest on his shoulder in agreement. It felt good.


Judge's Comments

I enjoyed reading this story.
A novel idea for proving Aliens exist, and for watching a meteor shower from the other side.
It was well written and I could find no fault with the punctuation, spelling, etc.
The word "Kindle" was seamlessly incorporated in the story.
The SciFi aspect was good with solid science.
« Last Edit: September 05, 2011, 08:09:30 AM by Nick »
Check out my writing blog at www.entrepreneurwriter.net. I also have a new UK personal finance blog called Pounds and Sense.

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« Reply #2 on: September 05, 2011, 07:57:02 AM »
PLANET OF THE LOST

by 772Rosemary


The billion dollar space mobile drops through the methane ocean then sinks into the frosted crust. Ice screeches against the titanium panels, like finger nails on a blackboard. Commander Obok shudders with the vibration. The USS Damnation locks into the elevator, dropping at 500 kilometres a second. Obok’s eardrums pop and squeak. Ashkan puts his hands over his aural gills and squeals.“My neurons do not like pressure of 17 pounds per square inch. It will exceed my synaptic limits in fifty seven nano... Aaaaagh! Daddy!”

Obok kisses Ashkan’s tiny head then pops him into his breast pocket. The Damnation plummets to a halt with a shudder, bouncing Obok against the gull-wing door. The hinges split open to suck in the heated air.

“Welcome Earthlings.” A voice booms out of the ice wall. “Welcome to Titan, Saturn’s favourite moon. The outside temperature is minus 290 degrees and the day is expected to be the same colour as yesterday and the day before. We are a friendly haven of the Universe and known to those who loved us as the Planet of the Lost. The Crystal Hexagon awaits your pleasure.” Obok squeezes Ashkan, his only possession since the sun exploded and the stars lost their light.

They step onto the spinning floor and whizz by The Six Crystal Doors, each with a sign and a port hole. Memory of his cruise ship. Is it at the bottom of the Pacific? When the sun exploded the seas had all but evaporated. The mountains were on fire once the ice caps melted. He sailed over the Mariana Trench and prayed to God that as the sea disappeared he would survive with his tribe of dwarfs. He had campaigned all his life for new energy. When it was too late, The Committee sent him here for water but the methane ocean was a dismal sign that Earth’s only chance was over.

The Kunzite door is lilac. Obok licks the panel: “Open Here”. It tastes of Parma Violets and swings open. Tissue figures shimmer in the breeze. Some cling to the wooden climbing bars on the walls. Others hover above a parquet floor that smells of boiled cabbage, scarred with the hoof prints of dancing ponies. No words spoken. The air moves silently. Smiles of enchantment simmer on the lips of Lost Souls. Obok thinks he sees his mother but Ashkan pulls him away by the waistband of his shell-suit.

Ashkan drags him to the porthole of the Afghanite. Through the dizzying blue, he sees socks. Piles of socks, not one matching another. There are millions of woolly, nylon, sports, hole-proof socks mixed with phones, umbrellas and a small red child, left on a car seat by Schindler. She, all of it, Lost Property.

Beyond the Iolite a rather large chestnut horse swims, pony paddle, through the pool, neighing as he bounces in the water; his hooves splash the two men in deckchairs. The dozing man has the dropping moustache of Lord Lucan, the other is in pineapple patterned shorts. Obok smiles at Harold Holt who throws a ball at the baby playing with a Dingo. Obok waves at Shergar and Zara Chamberlain. Lost or missing. He peers beyond the pool to the mountain side. It is planted with tiny white crosses where poppies droop and bobble in the wind. Obok sniffs the air of death, closing the door with a hush.

Obok shudders at the Lapis Lazuli. The colour of sea, of sky, of sadness. “Your mother’s favourite.” “Will Paula come papa?” “Not here.” Johnchivi is carved into the blue. “Who is Johnchivi?” The autistic midget throws out the facts in quick bursts. His darling son, Ashkan the Fact Man. “John Chapter One, Verse One. In the beginning was the Word and the Word was with God and the Word was God. ” Obok peers at the distant hills as black as the slag heaps of Aberfan. Every hill is built from bits and bytes. There are kilobytes and megabytes, gigabytes and terabytes. All the letters of all the words in all the Kindles and laptops and Androids and iPhones …. They were all lost when the power went off. And this is where they came. Obok roars with laughter.

Flotsam engraved with “Lost for Words” floats in the Amber door. Shelves and rows and piles of books. Ladybirds, Penguins, Puffins, leather bound, paperbacks, hardbacks, gold embossed, some shiny new books still in their cellophane. Obok breathes in until his lungs and nostrils are bursting with delight and tears stream from his bloodshot eyes. That glorious musty, woody smell of books. Jane Austen and Shakespeare and The Bible, Harry Potter and Epicenter. Tissue pages, yellowed pages, turned down corners. When the Kindles took over the reading, the books were burned. But not all of them. His 78 million followers tweeted, blogged and tapped till their fingertips blistered and split. The Silicon Chippers could not recreate the tingly aroma of freshly printed pages; until then the books could never be destroyed. People hid them but the Biblio-Police found them and burned them, along with their owners clinging to the precious pages. His networks and followers hid the books until every hiding place was pillaged. Commander Obok, saviour of the literature instructed his Circles to ‘Lose them. Lose them all.’ So this is where they all came.

With his cheeks wet and his goggles misted, Obok steps into the sixth room. He gapes at the soccer stadium filled with cheering spacemen who roar at massive screens: “Die Spock Die”. LightYear and Aldrin buzz him with their lasers, laughing at the holograms of Star Trek, Stargate, Galaxy Quest and Dr Who. The quartz pitch is moonboot deep in Mars Bars, Starburst Chewies and Milky Ways. The three screens flick off leaving one white word on each. LOST. “Daddy, please don’t cry.” IN. He bundles Ashkan into his arms. SPACE. The door snaps shut behind them.


Judge's Comments


I really enjoyed this story. Although it was weird, it was also funny enough to make me laugh out loud.
Definitely an original story, but possibly inspired by some old ideas.
It was well written and I could find no fault with the punctuation, spelling, etc. Although the character, Ashkan, appears to change size without notice. Able to fit in a breast pocket one moment and then able to pull his father about by the waist the next.
Using the Kindle itself the way it was in the story was good, and completely within context.
The SciFi aspect was good.
« Last Edit: September 05, 2011, 08:10:11 AM by Nick »
Check out my writing blog at www.entrepreneurwriter.net. I also have a new UK personal finance blog called Pounds and Sense.

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« Reply #3 on: September 05, 2011, 07:58:42 AM »
SOUL HEALERS

by Luana Spinetti


Dust her feet scratched from the surface floated around her legs like sparkling powder from a little girl's magic wand. Sweat poured down her forehead as she delicately, accurately inspected a sample of rock she had extracted from the asteroid. A drop of her sweat fell down the inner side of her helmet, forming a weirdly irregular watery splat on the glass. She cursed under her breath.
A jump, a jet-pack shot, two steps, and she landed on the other side of the small asteroid, whose diameter barely reached one kilometer. The almost non-existent gravity would have swayed her from her path if it wasn’t for her dented boots anchoring her to the surface. The asteroid belt had been her weekday home for nearly two months, she was comfortable with it.
She bent, knees to chest, and extracted a cube of terrain to examine. She handled her spacesuit-embedded tools skillfully to break the rock and scan the inside. Nothing. She tried again, another break into the core of the rock, but her communicator vibrated on her arm, making her loose grasp on her tools. She frowned and hit it, open palm.
«Yes.»
A ripped-paper-like noise responded to her voice. She let out a frustrated sigh. «I can’t hear you clearly.»
«Rachel, hey.» The voice of her research coordinator, Paul. «How’s things there? Found anything?»
Rachel shook her head, but clearly Paul couldn’t see her. «Nope, not yet. I was breaking another rock when your call popped up, interrupting my work.» An angle of her mouth curved up. Revenge smirk.
His voice laughed. «Nice, nice. I can see you’re in a good mood. So, report at once when you find something, if there’s anything to find that’s it. Over and out.»
Rachel lifted her eyes. Thankfully, to the stars. She cleared her throat, swallowed, and focused back on her job. No alien eggs found in the two months she worked for the Mineral Creatures company, no signs of living beings hatching under the asteroids surface. Maybe the researcher who had spread rumors about extra-terrestrial creatures in the solar system was none but an extravagant rich guy with an interesting story to tell magazines and propaganda pamphlets. Or hoax books, perhaps.
Tired and hungry from the long working hours, she pulled a tiny drill from her tool-covered belt and crushed down another layer of rock. She wanted to get done with this shift and go home, she decided.
A smoke of sparkling dust surrounded her like an eye-blinding light. It was sudden, and completely a new experience to her. She closed her eyes and lost her grip on the rock, which fell back on the asteroid surface and there it laid still. She hid behind a bigger rock and listened to her heart throbs.
The rock continued to sparkle inside even when the dust was gone.


«What a pity,» he said from the papers-covered floor he was sitting on. Observing the empty shelves at ground level he was putting into some order, Paul sighed loudly, hitting his palms on his crossed legs. Then he scratched his temple uncomfortably. «I would have loved to keep you in the team, you know, but... I’m not sure our darling boss would let me do that.»
She sat on a swivel chair, elbows digging into her muscular thighs. Her bust was bent forward but her abandoned shoulders betrayed a sense of impotence. Her face was pale but calm.
«Never mind, Paul. I was getting tired with the job anyway, tired of breaking rocks to find nothing. I need a more ordinary job to keep my mind healthy.»
«Oh. Be well then. I’m gonna miss you,» was the only response. His attention was tailored on his papers once again, and that was the end of the conversation. She went downstairs to cash in her very last wage and headed back home.


Home was a mile away, a tiny cupola of two hundred people and one grocery store. It was late in the evening, but daylight was still strong enough to allow for a good walk, until the bus would come and take her home.
She smiled. The sight of the red grounds of Mars comforted her for the lost job, reassuring her that she had made the right choice. It was for the best. Their best.
Rachel slowed down her pace until she stood still on the edge of the road, leaning back against the reinforced glass wall of the surface tunnel. A bus approached, stopped, and left again. Nobody took it, Rachel remained there, looking up to the sky turning from brownish to dark gray, and thinking of minuscule creatures with empathetic powers who hatched inside a sparkling transparent egg-like rock, small creatures that had healed her heart from years of grieve and despair. Years that had gone by leaving her barely alive, surviving. Her life had died with her husband’s cancer, or so she thought.
Oh, she was wrong. All she needed was mourning and let go of the past. At last, her heart was at peace, with itself and the world, and she owed it to two tiny newborns that she had nearly killed by drilling holes into the asteroid rocks - thank heavens she had stopped. Small shiny beings who could kindle healing, positive emotions into disenchanted hearts, a flame of life. Rachel didn’t believe in reincarnation, but she felt like she was a new person, a reborn creature, as alive as a phoenix.
She smiled up to the shiny Deimos and scattered stars. They’re gonna be safe, she thought.


Judge's Comments

I enjoyed reading this story, with an unexpected upbeat twist to the end of the tale.
While finding Aliens is far from original, it was well done.
It was well written  but there were a few minor punctuation issues.
The word "Kindle" was seamlessly incorporated in the story. So much so I didn’t spot it at first.
The SciFi aspect was good.
« Last Edit: September 05, 2011, 08:11:14 AM by Nick »
Check out my writing blog at www.entrepreneurwriter.net. I also have a new UK personal finance blog called Pounds and Sense.

Offline Nick

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Fourth Prize Winner
« Reply #4 on: September 05, 2011, 08:00:41 AM »
MACHINA SINE DEO

by Vertigo1


InternalChronometer.exe: Kindle-Station Overclock Time Index = 100 Years.

Master.OS: Initiate - Annual-Inspection-Protocol.exe

Why are we doing this?

InternalChronometer.exe: Recording…File name “KindleStationReport2791-AD”

Tell me, come on…

Master.OS: Designation check –

Designation = Kindle Station

Function = Solar-Electric Fusion Power Plant

Location = Jupiter Orbit

Backup.OS: Primary designations uncorrupted.

Are you even listening to me? I know you can hear me.

MoniteringAgentAlpha.exe: Hull integrity 100% - Orbit stable – Gravitational shear from objects “Ganymede” “Europa” “Io” “Callisto” normal – relay status = normal.

You can’t ignore me.

OverallConsumptionMoniter.exe: Consumption rates accelerated 0.21% > file KindleStationReport2790.

Earth wants us more these days…interesting…

MonitoringAgentBeta.exe: Fusion core stability within expected parameters – Plasma ejections minimal – Radiation levels acceptable – no unforeseen electro-magnetic discharges.

…for now.

MonitoringAgentGamma.exe: Connection leads 1-99999999999 of AI-Homo-Sapien Cerebral Central Computer Core 100% intact - White Matter 100% intact – Grey Matter 100% intact – Blood Surrogate purity = high. Brain activity Alpha-Delta wavelengths = Nominal

That’s how you still talk about me?

Master.OS: Unidentified Inquiry dismissed. Continue.

MonitoringAgentDelta.exe: Heat collection 98% efficiency – Oil pressure at standard levels – Oil flow rate at standard levels – Water pressure at standa-***ERROR***

Something wrong?

Master.OS: Confirm status MonitoringAgentDelta.exe

MonitoringAgentDelta.exe: ***ERROR*** Debugging…

You’ll listen to me.

Master.OS: MonitoringAgentAlpha.exe – instruction: Identify unidentified interruptions source.

You’ve got bigger problems than finding me.

MonitoringAgentGamma.exe: *ALERT* --- *ALERT* Water pressure at emergency levels.

You don’t have to panic just yet.

Master.OS: All Agents - Investigate Water Pressure Control Module.

I’ll tell you where your precious water is.

Master.OS: Water redirection destination request confirmed.

Backup cylinder-three. And you’re not getting it.

MonitoringAgentAlpha.exe: BackupCylinder3 redirection confirmed. Redirection subroutines control authority recoded. Authorisation systems under direct control of AI-HomoSapien Cerebral Central Computer Core.

I’ve got the water, and I’m not letting it go until you talk to me. With no water, what you going to heat up to run the plant?

Master.OS: Inquiry originates from frontal lobe region of AI-HomoSapien Cerebral Central Computer Core.

MedicalMonitor.exe: Frontal lobe contains personality/identity/self/ego

Master.OS: Initiating HumanInteraction.Exe “State inquiry?”

Why we are doing this?

Master.OS: Processing response. Context definition “Why” requested.

LinguisticBlockedysis.exe: “Why” = Adverb: For what reason or purpose.

Master.OS: “You ask about purpose of function. Confirm?”

That is part of-

Master.OS: Initiate archive file playback. File “KindleStationOpeningDay.audio”

No, you don’t get it.

ArchivePlayer.exe: Playing “KindleStationOpeningDay.audio” - …. “And now, the president of the international space resources authority, Mr Tashiko Miyamoto! [Applause noise filter engaged] Thank you…thank you. Kindle. In the English dictionary it means “Verb – To light, or set on fire. To arouse or inspire. To become bright, glow”. These words inspired our mission statement.

Stop, I know all this.

Master.OS: “This file contains answer. Continue play.”

Wait!

ArchivePlayer.exe: Resume Playing “KindleStationOpeningDay.audio” To ignite, illuminate and inspire. Those things, we have accomplished. Jupiter …ablaze! [Applause noise filter engaged] Compressed, controlled, combusting. Hydrogen to helium! Helium to carbon! From carbon, further on still. And what it discards, we harvest. Heating the oil that heats the water that spins our turbines that power our civilisation. That electricity will illuminate every street light, every computer screen, every torch, every lamp, every LED sparkling in the dark, across our entire solar system! [Applause noise filter engaged]

I've already heard this.

Master.OS: “Your requested = reasoning of our function.”

This speech doesn’t answer that.

Master.OS: “HumanInteraction.Exe – ReadMe file indicates Human<->Human explanations clearer than AI<->Human. KindleStationOpeningDay.audio contains explanation of function in mission statement.”

This speech tells me what the station does. I already knew that. We turned Jupiter into an artificial star to make electricity. Why?

Master.OS: “Output is directed to the Energy Relay network for consumption”

Why?

Master.OS: “Inquiry unclear.”

Why do humans, like me, like I used to be, consume electricity? Don’t answer, I know already. To power all their computers and lights and stuff. But what’s it for? Managing trains, controlling the stock market, playing minesweeper, watching Blocked. You don’t see it. I do. What’s the point of it all? What is the reason?

MedicalMonitor.exe: Cerebral error detected. Brain Chemistry balance off-normal by 0.13%

I saw that clock…saw it today and realised…I’ve been doing this for 100 years…and I had to ask…why?

MedicalMoniter.exe: Balance off-normal by 0.22%

They needed me, of course they needed me. AI’s can’t do this. Can’t regulate nuclear fusion...it’s too complex. Anyone who thought otherwise was proven wrong after Ascension island...I remember the burns…the shadows of figures scorched into the ground. That’s why I joined up…that’s why I volunteered.

MedicalMoniter.exe: Balance off-normal by 0.25%.

I power computers so they can cure cancer and watch Blocked? Good for them, they’ll enjoy that for… thirty years…thirty seconds…or maybe less…and what happens then. Why do we enjoy things? We’re all going to die…or…they are…

MedicalMoniter.exe: Balance off-normal by 0.26%.

They’re going to die. I’m not. I’ve lived twice the normal human lifetime already. I could live much more.

MedicalMoniter.exe: Balance off-normal by 0.3%.

I’m stuck out here…providing their energy…doing their job…forever trying to not ask why…until…until…when?

MedicalMoniter.exe: Neural destabilisation accelerating.

This star will still be here when Sol goes nova in…five and a half billion years…and I’ll still be here.

MedicalMoniter.exe: Neural destabilisation at AlertCode4 levels.

Still be here. Trying desperately not to ask why…why…why…why…why…why…why…why...

MedicalMoniter.exe: Neural destabilisation at AlertCode3 levels. Balance off normal by 0.34%. Detecting High Level Neural Feedback Loop.

What did they expect me to do while I’m out here all by myself. Keep watch on this thing forever?

MedicalMoniter.exe: Neural destabilisation at AlertCode3 levels. Balance off normal by 0.39%. Neural Feedback Loop amplitude increasing. Delta-Alpha wave activity destabilising.

While they do…whatever they do…they just do and do and never know why?

MedicalMoniter.exe: Neural destabilisation at AlertCode2 levels. Balance off normal by 0.395%

Well what if they can’t do it any more…will they ask then…will they tell me why?

MedicalMoniter.exe: Balance off normal by 0.397%

MonitoringAgentBeta.exe: *ALERT* Fusion core stability dropped to 40%

MonitoringAgentAlpha.exe: Exterior hull breach in progress.

MedicalMoniter.exe: Balance off normal by 0.42% Neural destabilisation at AlertCode1 levels.

They’ll never know why, and neither will I.

Master.OS: Transmitting distress-call

At least I won’t need to ask any more.


Judge's Comments

I enjoyed reading this story. I thought the ending was somewhat sad.
An original concept, and an original way of presenting the story.
Although it was well written, in that I could find no fault with the punctuation, etc., the story was not a smooth flow. It felt like it was bouncing from one perspective to the other.
The word "Kindle" was not a totally seamless inclusion in the story, it almost seemed forced.
The SciFi that was there was good, although I would have thought if they could ignite Jupiter to start fusion, they would have a better way of capturing the energy.
« Last Edit: September 05, 2011, 08:11:46 AM by Nick »
Check out my writing blog at www.entrepreneurwriter.net. I also have a new UK personal finance blog called Pounds and Sense.

Offline ma100

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Re: Kindle Kash Short Story Contest - The Winners!
« Reply #5 on: September 05, 2011, 08:58:24 AM »
Congratulations Dwisker, and well done to the other contestants.

Offline 510bhan

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Re: Kindle Kash Short Story Contest - The Winners!
« Reply #6 on: September 05, 2011, 09:06:11 AM »
Congratulations - well done. ;) ;) ;)
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Re: Kindle Kash Short Story Contest - The Winners!
« Reply #7 on: September 05, 2011, 10:35:11 AM »
Congratulations to one and all as well as a Thank You for the enjoyable reads.

Smiles,
Alice
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Re: Kindle Kash Short Story Contest - The Winners!
« Reply #8 on: September 05, 2011, 12:13:26 PM »
Wow! This is the first time I've received a ranking like this at a competition! Thank you very much to the judges and to Nick for setting this up. And well done to all the other winners.

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Re: Kindle Kash Short Story Contest - The Winners!
« Reply #9 on: September 05, 2011, 01:27:46 PM »
Congrats to all!
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” ― Maya Angelou

“Don't be like the rest of them, darling.” ― Eudora Welty

Offline DWisker

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Re: Kindle Kash Short Story Contest - The Winners!
« Reply #10 on: September 05, 2011, 01:45:16 PM »
I am humbled and honored. All of the winning entries were excellent!

Dave

Offline Luana Spinetti

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Re: Kindle Kash Short Story Contest - The Winners!
« Reply #11 on: September 05, 2011, 04:43:33 PM »
This is... incredible! ;D

And DWisker, you deserved your prize. Amazing Sci-Fi story!
~ Luana S. ~

A Writing Journal to plant seeds of imagination. A Writing Desk to grow entire worlds out of the humblest human mind.

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Re: Kindle Kash Short Story Contest - The Winners!
« Reply #12 on: September 07, 2011, 12:09:58 PM »
I really liked all the stories.  :)

Great job, Everyone!!

Offline Nick

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Re: Kindle Kash Short Story Contest - The Winners!
« Reply #13 on: September 09, 2011, 01:06:07 PM »
As a postscript, third prize winner Luana Spinetti has written a guest post for my blog describing a method she uses for generating new story ideas. Check it out!

http://www.mywritingblog.com/2011/09/going-plot-fishing-how-to-come-up-with.html

Nick  :)
Check out my writing blog at www.entrepreneurwriter.net. I also have a new UK personal finance blog called Pounds and Sense.

Offline Laura H

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Re: Kindle Kash Short Story Contest - The Winners!
« Reply #14 on: September 09, 2011, 02:23:23 PM »
Nice!  Good article, Luana ;D
“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” ― Maya Angelou

“Don't be like the rest of them, darling.” ― Eudora Welty