Author Topic: Fake Baked - Contains some offensive themes and language  (Read 1800 times)

Offline nigelw

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    • Nigel Williams
Fake Baked - Contains some offensive themes and language
« on: September 01, 2011, 12:32:55 PM »
This is the first scene of a screenplay with some material which may cause offence. It's a gritty comedy based on the adventures of a small-time conman who becomes unwittingly involved in drug smuggling.
I tried to ensure the formatting was as it should be but the blog setup won't seem to respond to the input???? :-\





SCENE 1
EXT. DOCKS - NIGHT - HEAVY RAIN
Wipers of the Audi are working overtime as the rain lashes against the screen. The Audi headlights pick out the shape of the crane slowly dropping a line down onto the ship moored at the dock.

CUT TO:

CLOSE UP OF AUDI DRIVER

AUDI DRIVER
Does it ever stop raining in this fucking country?

CUT TO:

EXT. MEDIUM SHOT OF AUDI SPLASHING THROUGH GUTTERS

CUT TO:

EXT. MEDIUM SHOT OF SIGN AT ENTRANCE TO DOCKS "PORT OF CARDIFF - RESTRICTED ENTRY."

CUT TO:

INT. AUDI
Driver switches of the engine and pulls the hood of his coat over his head. He lights the end of his cigarette, takes three long puffs on the fag then tosses it out through the narrow crack in the car window.

CUT TO:

EXT. LONG SHOT OF DRIVER RUNNING FROM THE CAR INTO THE PORT

CUT TO:

EXT. CRANE
The crane lifts a wooden crate from the ship and lowers it onto the dock.

CUT TO:

EXT. CLOSE UP OF CRATE
A label attached to the crate reads "Exotic Teas from Exotic Lands."

CUT TO:

INT. WAREHOUSE
The Audi driver enters the warehouse through a small rear door. The interior is dimly lit. Only the front of the warehouse has floodlighting where crates are being brought in by fork-lift truck.
The sound of the heavy rain on the corrugated roof of the warehouse is deafening.

CUT TO:

INT. WAREHOUSE - MEDIUM SHOT
The Audi driver walks towards the stack of crates. A SMALL MAN, smoking a cigarette, steps out of the shadows.

SMALL MAN
(Furtively looking around)
Mr Davies?

AUDI DRIVER
(Loudly)
That's me.

SMALL MAN
Shhh...for fuck sake, keep your voice down.
The Audi Driver looks confused.

AUDI DRIVER
(Quieter)
I can't use fucking sign language.

SMALL MAN
(Shouts)
Pardon?

CUT TO:

The Audi Driver shakes his head in frustration.

AUDI DRIVER
(Shouts)
Where's the stuff?

CUT TO:

The Small Man walks over to a crate and picks up a crow-bar from a workbench alongside it. He forces the bar under the wooden lid and throws the lid off onto the floor. The crate is full of straw.
The Small Man leans into the crate and starts moving the straw to expose large bags labelled "Tea from Ceylon."
The Small Man starts emptying the bags onto the workbench.
At the bottom of the crate is a false floor. The Small man takes it out and drops it next to the crate. Under the false floor are eight other bags. All are labelled "Saffron."
These bags are added to the pile on the workbench.

SMALL MAN
This is the stuff your boss bought. One bag of best quality. Make sure you take the correct bag. Wouldnt want him putting the other stuff into his cooking.

AUDI DRIVER
It's not for cooking.

SMALL MAN
What else could you use it for?

AUDI DRIVER
Its top secret. If I told you Id have to kill you... Whats in those other bags?

SMALL MAN
(
Grinning)
If I told you I'd have to kill you...Actually, it's high quality Skunk.
The Audi Driver looks surprised.

SMALL MAN
You know...Weed?...Marijuana?...
Cannabis?
Audi Driver nods his head.

AUDI DRIVER
I know what it is. I just didn't know you were smuggling drugs too.

SMALL MAN
We IMPORT all sorts of good here, for all sorts of clients. Anything which can cause a little inconvenience by being shipped in the conventional manner. From a bit of import tax evasion - like your saffron, to other more sensitive items.

CUT TO:

MEDIUM SHOT OF CRATES
The Small Man opens the top of another crate. As he lifts the lid a fully inflated female sex doll springs up like a jack-in-the-box. The Audi Driver jumps back in fright.

SMALL MAN
(Laughing)
Perk of the job...what I call a "Jack-off-in-the-box."
 
AUDI DRIVER
(Grinning)
Not quite my type.

SMALL MAN
Quality control...someone's got to test the goods. Of course, the wacky-backy is always a popular line for import. We don't tend to handle anything stronger, mind. Got our principles.
The Small Man returns to the table of bags and begins to sort them out. He moves a couple than scratches his head.

SMALL MAN
Now then...which is yours?...Don't worry...I think I know...mmm...

CUT TO:

MEDIUM SHOT

The Audi Driver looks annoyed and is about to say something when the sound of police sirens can be heard over the noise of the rain.

SMALL MAN
Shit! It's the pigs. Grab your stuff and fuck off!

CUT TO:

MEDIUM SHOT

The Small Man snatches two of the bags marked "Saffron" and stuffs them under his coat before running out of the warehouse.
The Audi Driver panics. Unsure of which is the right bag he begins to sorts through them but the lights of a car are appearing at the entrance to the warehouse. He grabs the nearest bag and runs off out through the back door.

FADE TO BLACK.

SUPERIMPOSE "FAKE BAKED"
END OF SCENE 1











Offline MrEliGraves

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Re: Fake Baked - Contains some offensive themes and language
« Reply #1 on: September 07, 2011, 02:42:28 AM »
It's a good opening and quite funny.  Well done.  I think you have a bit of unnecessary exposition like when the small man explains that this is tax evasion etc.  Felt unnatural.  I also like how you have used 'Audi Driver' to signify that this is a shady character :)  Although I think the joke will be lost in an actual TV show.

I'm not sure if you should put camera directions in your script.  Stuff like LONG SHOT, MEDIUM SHOT is really up to the director to decide how he wants to portray the story.  I think what you need to do is make it implicit in your descriptions that this should be a long shot etc.  For example when you say the Audi Driver takes three puffs of his cigarette then throws it out of the window it is implied that it is a close up shot.  If you had said he was sat in the car and then two more cars pulled up behind him you could imply a medium shot and then if you had said when the lights of the audi turned off it was lost in the sea of crates and cranes in the harbour you could infer a long shot.  That way you are setting up in the directors mind how you want it to be shot but making him feel like its his idea :)  IMO of course.

Keep up the good work and the humour in this script shows you have talent for this sort of thing.

Offline nigelw

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Re: Fake Baked - Contains some offensive themes and language
« Reply #2 on: September 07, 2011, 02:59:40 AM »
Thanks for your help. I hadn't thought of the SHOTs etc as being implicit within the descriptions but it certainly makes sense. No point in duplicating things and I think if I was a director I'd want some 'creative input' in this area too.
Thanks for taking the time to read it.
P.S. I would like to think it gets funnier later on (but I'm no judge of that).
Nigel