Author Topic: What do you think of this? ? ? ? ?  (Read 1811 times)

Offline janec

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What do you think of this? ? ? ? ?
« on: January 29, 2006, 05:56:53 PM »
What would the games mistress know - did they call them that these days?  She was unsure.  I mean Miss Marlin walked like a man, definitely shaved and the tone of her voice would see the three tenors proud. 
When had she last cooked sunday roast for 14 people including 2 pairs of Gay (well you tell me what the plural of Gay is, when it is set in a sentence like that!) and one transvestite or are they called cross-dressers.  Are they different?  God almighty shouldn't she know that?  Wasn't it her job to know the difference between transexual, transgender and straight forward Eddy Izzard and Quentin Crisp? At least you knew where you were with Eddy and Quentin, nowadays you are tongue tied between the politcally correct and the down right honest yet blunt "You're a puffter aren't ya?"
« Last Edit: January 29, 2006, 06:35:41 PM by janec »

Offline Linda Aitchison

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Re: What do you think of this? ? ? ? ?
« Reply #1 on: January 30, 2006, 08:14:26 AM »
Are we supposed to empathise with the narrator or feel sorry for them/berate them for their views?

From a content point of view, I'm completely baffled. Who is the games mistress and who is doing the cooking? How does the narrator know the lady 'shaved'?? It's very hard to follow. Why is Eddie Izzard referred to in the past tense? And why is he compared to Quentin Crisp?

From a spelling and grammar point of view it needs work - I'd say 'two' not 2 and why 'cap up' 'Gay'?

Lastly I'd say that 'you're a poofter aren't you?' isn't 'honest but blunt' I'd say it was potentially offensive. You need to be very careful about possibly upsetting people.


 
« Last Edit: January 30, 2006, 08:33:26 AM by Oldhack »
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Offline janec

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Re: What do you think of this? ? ? ? ?
« Reply #2 on: January 30, 2006, 04:13:58 PM »
Thank you for that Oldhack - this was the result of a very strange exercise I did when practising freewriting to give vent to my right creative brain! - I think it was awful myself - but I just wanted to see what other people thought.

As for the offending bit - I was only concerned about the level to which I could go on this site - in writing generally although not for this web site I would say one has to be honest and true in voice - meaning if that kind of lanquage is necessary for the progression of the story or the genre then that is the language I would use -

Sorry to have subjected you to such piffle - as I said it was an experiment as much for me to find out what others thought but also to see how serioiusly the critique might get. Most of what I have read from others has been a little 'too' kind - you however said it how it was and I am glad that I shall have at least one true critic out there. Thanks

Janec