Author Topic: Have A Giggle  (Read 32785 times)

Offline BBBlogger

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #45 on: May 13, 2011, 08:17:02 PM »
A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.

“What’s the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?” she asked.

“Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?” he asked.

“Yes, I do,” she replied.

“Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?”

“Yes, I remember.”

“Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail?”

“Yes, I do,” she said.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, ” You know, I would have gotten out today.

Lin

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #46 on: May 14, 2011, 03:15:05 AM »
Perhaps someone ought to feel sorry for the frog!  It does seem like an error though doesn't it?

Lin x

Offline Gyppo

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #47 on: May 14, 2011, 06:13:06 AM »
Three Rednecks are in a pickup truck when it runs off a bridge into deep water.

The driver winds down his window, wriggles out, and swims to safety.

The two riding in the back drown because they can't get the tailgate down.

Gyppo
My website is currently having a holiday, but will return like the $6,000,000 man.  Bigger, stronger, etc.

In the meantime, why not take pity on a starving author and visit my book sales page at http://stores.lulu.com/gyppo1

Offline BBBlogger

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #48 on: May 14, 2011, 12:00:56 PM »
Three Rednecks are in a pickup truck when it runs off a bridge into deep water..........
Gyppo

  ::)   :D

Offline BBBlogger

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #49 on: May 14, 2011, 06:40:45 PM »



Offline BBBlogger

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #50 on: May 15, 2011, 06:14:23 PM »
Long ago lived a seaman named Captain Bravo. He was a manly man who showed no fear in facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the seven seas, a look-out spotted a pirate ship and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravo bellowed, “Bring me my Red Shirt.” The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain’s red shirt and whilst wearing the bright red frock he led his men into battle and defeated the pirates.

Later on that day, the look-out spotted not one, but two pirate ships. The captain again called for his red shirt and once again, though the fighting was fierce, he was victorious over the two ships. That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day’s triumphs and one of the them asked the captain, “Sir, why do you call for your red shirt before battle?” The captain replied, “If I am wounded in the attack, the shirt will not show my blood and thus, you men will continue to fight, unafraid.”

All of the men sat in silence and marveled at the courage of such a manly man as Captain Bravo. As dawn came the next morning, the look-out spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirates ships approaching from the far horizon. The crew stared at the captain and waited for his usual reply.

Captain Bravo calmly shouted, “Get me my brown pants.

Offline Gyppo

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #51 on: May 15, 2011, 06:22:59 PM »
... and whilst wearing the bright red frock he led his men into battle and defeated the pirates.


If I was a big bad pirate I might think twice about attacking a ship captained by a man who wasn't afraid to wear a red frock into battle ;-) 
My website is currently having a holiday, but will return like the $6,000,000 man.  Bigger, stronger, etc.

In the meantime, why not take pity on a starving author and visit my book sales page at http://stores.lulu.com/gyppo1

Offline BBBlogger

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #52 on: May 15, 2011, 06:30:29 PM »
:D  ;D  :D  ;D

Offline BBBlogger

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #53 on: May 16, 2011, 09:40:02 PM »



Offline BBBlogger

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #54 on: May 17, 2011, 06:54:00 PM »
I may have posted this before, but I still giggle when I see it.

I don't know how I missed this one! Just now saw it!!

Tooooo funny! :D

Offline BBBlogger

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #55 on: May 17, 2011, 06:59:13 PM »


Lin

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #56 on: May 18, 2011, 04:26:07 AM »
Many years ago my father used to be a commercial traveller working with the auto industry.  He had been cleaning out a car as a demonstration of a new upholstery cleaning product.

On arriving home for tea, Mum and I could smell this most revolting pong. Dad's sense of smell has deteriorated and he didn't think it was a problem but WE DID! As the evening progressed the smell got worse.  The house was full of it.  He promised to go and get a bath  About an hour later, we could smell it again.  The bath hadn't done anything for him.  It was on his skin and no matter how hard he tried to disguise it, the smell wouldn't go away.

We laughed, we cried and poor Dad was banished out of the lounge for the rest of the evening.  Mum went to bed and refused to sleep with him.  I locked myself in my room.  (I was twelve years old) The following day he got a call from the car dealer complaining that the car he had just cleaned was unsaleable and they would sue the company responsible.  As it happens the product has 'gone off' and whatever was inside would take a long time to disperse. 

Poor Dad, we did our best to help him disguise the smell, deodorants, talcum powder, perfume.  He went to work in the following days smelling of obnoxious upholstery cleaner and perfume.  We weren't sure what was best.  Eventually the situation was sorted and Dad also got compensation for his 'injuries'.

So next time you use a new product, test it first! 

Lin x


Offline BBBlogger

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #57 on: May 18, 2011, 12:47:13 PM »
Oh my! Quite a story, Lin! :D

Lin

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #58 on: May 18, 2011, 01:53:34 PM »
An easy way to learn about economics...
 
 
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by
your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated
general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island
Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven
cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy....

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive

Offline BBBlogger

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #59 on: May 18, 2011, 02:09:13 PM »
:D  :D  :D