Author Topic: Have A Giggle  (Read 32776 times)

Offline BBBlogger

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #345 on: December 02, 2011, 05:57:01 PM »
Wow, lots of funnies lately. For some reason, I haven't been getting my email notifications from here. :(




Offline Gyppo

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #346 on: December 12, 2011, 08:19:31 AM »
One for the Ladies...

The sad thing is, some of the poor dears would need a man to change the batteries for them ;-)

Left click to enlarge.
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Offline Gyppo

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #347 on: December 12, 2011, 08:23:13 AM »
Another one for the Ladies.  I must be feeling generous today.

"The Garden of Eden"

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God,
"Lord, I have a problem!"

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know you created me and provided this
beautiful garden and all these wonderful animals,
but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

"Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create
a Man for you."

"What's a Man, Lord?"

"This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad
traits. He'll lie, cheat, and be very competitive; all in
all, he'll give you a hard time. But he'll be bigger, faster,
and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly
when he's aroused, but since you've been complaining,
I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your
physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in
childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about.
He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advice
to think properly."

"Sounds doable." says Eve, with an ironically raised
eyebrow. "But, what's the catch, Lord?"

"Well... you can have him on one condition."

"What's that, Lord?"

"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring...
So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first...
Just remember, it's our little secret---You know, Woman
to Woman."

My website is currently having a holiday, but will return like the $6,000,000 man.  Bigger, stronger, etc.

In the meantime, why not take pity on a starving author and visit my book sales page at http://stores.lulu.com/gyppo1

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #348 on: December 12, 2011, 08:24:59 AM »
Are you sure that hasn't been around for a while. It seems I get these sudden urges to buy flowers and such, it's been happening for years and a proto-type of this version may solve those riddles of expenditures  :(

I liked that, Gyppo. (a woman needing help changing batteries?)

Offline Gyppo

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #349 on: December 12, 2011, 09:00:27 AM »
Some of them do ;-)

A girl I barely knew once asked me to change the batteries in her 'buzzy' little toy for her.  One of the curses of having 'a kind face' is you get roped in for all sorts of odd little jobs ;-)
My website is currently having a holiday, but will return like the $6,000,000 man.  Bigger, stronger, etc.

In the meantime, why not take pity on a starving author and visit my book sales page at http://stores.lulu.com/gyppo1

Offline Alice, a Country Gal

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #350 on: December 12, 2011, 09:37:31 AM »
Some of them do ;-)

A girl I barely knew once asked me to change the batteries in her 'buzzy' little toy for her.  One of the curses of having 'a kind face' is you get roped in for all sorts of odd little jobs ;-)

I find that odd. Not only am I the one that almost always changes batteries, I program VCRs, set up DVDs as well as set up the remote when it's an after buy.

But then, I've never understood 'helpless' women either.
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Offline BBBlogger

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #351 on: December 12, 2011, 10:53:08 AM »
I find that odd. Not only am I the one that almost always changes batteries, I program VCRs, set up DVDs as well as set up the remote when it's an after buy.

But then, I've never understood 'helpless' women either.

Ditto!! I do it all! :)

Offline Gyppo

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #352 on: December 12, 2011, 04:33:18 PM »
There's plenty of well-organised women out there, including those who RTFM (Read The Flipping Manual) and know how to make things work.

But it's the others which stick in the mind.  Especially the 'professionally' helpless who have made a career out of getting some obliging man to do all the work for them in return for merely sitting around and looking decorative.

When I was a Postie a little old lady asked me to change a light bulb for her, because I was tall enough to reach it without needing a step ladder.  No problem.

A few days later I saw her legs sticking out from under her car and wondered if she'd had an accident of some sort.  No, she was quite comfortable on an old blanket, with a couple of spanners, draining the sump before changing the oil.  "Why should I pay a garage to do a job any intelligent person can do for a fraction of the cost?"

On another occasion she had her wheelie bin laid down and was kneeling inside it, (she really was a little old lady),  scrubbing it out.

Her garage  security light needed a special little tool to open it and change the bulb.  She already had a spare bulb.When she told me her 'electrician'  was going to charge her 25, and she'd have to 'wait three days for such a low paying job' I offered to do it the next day.

It was a five minute job, and she offered to pay but I said no.

When she saw my little toolkit, with the magic collection of 'security' bits such as the essential seven-sided 'hex' key she asked how much it cost.  "Just a fiver."

"Could you get me one?"

"Sure, if the shop still has any."

She thrust a fiver into my hand.

"If you can that'll teach him not to over-charge helpless old ladies.  I shall take great delight in cancelling his call, and tell him a friend did it for nothing."

Helpless?  Not that one.

I miss meeting people like her ;-)

Gyppo



« Last Edit: December 12, 2011, 04:37:08 PM by Gyppo »
My website is currently having a holiday, but will return like the $6,000,000 man.  Bigger, stronger, etc.

In the meantime, why not take pity on a starving author and visit my book sales page at http://stores.lulu.com/gyppo1

Offline Gyppo

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #353 on: December 12, 2011, 04:35:45 PM »
I'm such an innocent soul ;-)  It's belatedly occurred to me that perhaps the girl who wanted her batteries changing was hoping I'd volunteer my services in another way.  Damn!
My website is currently having a holiday, but will return like the $6,000,000 man.  Bigger, stronger, etc.

In the meantime, why not take pity on a starving author and visit my book sales page at http://stores.lulu.com/gyppo1

Offline Gyppo

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #354 on: December 12, 2011, 06:19:06 PM »
Whatever your job, make the most of it.

Left click to enlarge.
My website is currently having a holiday, but will return like the $6,000,000 man.  Bigger, stronger, etc.

In the meantime, why not take pity on a starving author and visit my book sales page at http://stores.lulu.com/gyppo1

Offline Alice, a Country Gal

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #355 on: December 12, 2011, 09:03:02 PM »
The radiator hose on the old car we had at the time sprung a leak. So I filled it up with water and made a flying trip to the Auto Parts shop, got another hose and came home to change it out. No Biggie.

The next day my next door neighbor came over and asked me to please be careful about doing anything like that again.

Confused, I asked "Why."

"If any of the husbands along the street see you out there working on your car, they'll think the rest of us should be able to do the same."

My husband at the time had an old pickup, old enough that I could almost climb up under the hood when it was open to work on it with ease. He was not a mechanic, did real good to put the oil in the right spot. So it wasn't unusual for me to do tune-ups on the Ford when needed. He would stay in the house, out of sight until I finished.

 ::)
MWC Charity Publications.
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight>
The universe is made of stories, not of atoms. -Muriel Rukeyser, poet and activist (15 Dec 1913-1980)

R. L. Copple's: http://www.rlcopple.com/

I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.
-Mohandas K. Gandhi

Offline sincerely_anna

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #356 on: December 14, 2011, 12:43:30 AM »
Give this one a try to an unsuspecting friend. Works best if you've been exchanging knock-knock jokes with them for a bit.

You: Okay, I have a good knock-knock joke for you.
Them: What is it?
You: Here it goes. You have to start.
Them: Okay. Knock-knock.
You: Who's there?
Them: ...
You:  ;D

Offline Andrewf

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #357 on: December 14, 2011, 05:02:19 AM »
:D
"If it can't be expressed in figures, it is not science; it is opinion." - L. Long.

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Offline 510bhan

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #358 on: December 14, 2011, 06:42:54 PM »
God created the dog and said:
'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

Then God created the monkey and said:

'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'

And God agreed.

Then God created the cow and said:

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

Thereafter God created humans and said:

'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'

But the human said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family.. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information.. I'm doing it as a public service.


Offline BBBlogger

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Re: Have A Giggle
« Reply #359 on: December 14, 2011, 06:52:16 PM »
Love it, Siobhan!!! :D