Author Topic: beginning of my screenplay (sci-fi)  (Read 3181 times)

Offline troli83

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beginning of my screenplay (sci-fi)
« on: August 08, 2006, 08:37:16 PM »
This is somthing I started and I wasn't too sure if I should try and finish it. Any comments, anything, is appreciated.   :D

INT. – Hospital Room – Night

There are two hospital beds against one wall. There is a girl, Moira with light dark hair, about 13 years old, asleep on one bed. There is also a boy, Micah with medium length hair, about 15 years old, sleeping on the other bed. They are hooked up to different machines that are monitoring their heart rate, blood pressure, and various other organs. Moira wakes up screaming.

         Moira! You okay?

         I had that dream again, Micah.
         Every time it’s the same. They come
         and take you away. They say that they just
         want to give you a little test. After that I never
         see you again. All I hear is you screaming

         That won’t happen. I’m your
         big brother, I would never
         leave you.

Micah gets off his bed and gets into Moira’s. He hugs her and she starts to cry.

         Don’t cry. We’re getting’ out of
         here. Real soon.

He grabs her shoulders and looks into her drying eyes. She stops crying and looks into his eyes.

         Listen to me. I have a plan,
         but I can’t tell you. I don’t
         want them using you against
         me. Just know that when the time
         is right don’t ask questions, just do
         what I tell you. Okay?

Moira nods her head in agreement.

         Good. Now go back to sleep.

Moira curls up against her brother and closes her eyes. Micah strokes her hair and then falls asleep.

INT. – Laboratory – Night

Two figures dressed in black from head to toe start speaking in an unknown language. There is a desk behind them with many monitors. On a few of the monitors there are scores and percentages for various test. On two of the monitors there are pictures and videos of Micah and Moira labeled “Subject A” and Subject B”. There are machines monitoring the children’s vital signs. All of them moving at a steady pace. 
Like the phoenix rising out of the ashes....

Offline deathbypen

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Re: beginning of my screenplay (sci-fi)
« Reply #1 on: August 08, 2006, 10:24:44 PM »
Honestly, I don't know too much on script writing...but I find the begining very catchy. I want to know what happens next. It's a great opening to the story. Definitely continue on with it.

~New York Bum~
In a nutshell, I'm a nut.

Offline troli83

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Re: beginning of my screenplay (sci-fi)
« Reply #2 on: August 08, 2006, 11:39:35 PM »
I surely will.
Like the phoenix rising out of the ashes....

Offline Katie S

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Re: beginning of my screenplay (sci-fi)
« Reply #3 on: September 01, 2006, 10:28:55 PM »
o.0 WOAH that was GOOD. OMG jeeze.......................keep it UP! :o
Hey is this thing on? hello? oh you just don't wanna listen to me o.0